Boredom Detector!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 2:27:40 PM
Called ‘Dontgiveafuckyons’ (name pending) these new particles are, astonishingly, generated by human beings. “Investigating inside the building, we found the strongest concentration of them to be coming from one particular worker, although several people nearby were also showing high readings. We interviewed several of the people involved and found that, to a man, each was showing definite signs of frustration and even boredom with their working conditions. The particle flow seemed to increase as this feeling intensified, and vice versa.”
One of the strongest readings came from a badger-haired data-handler in his thirties who did not seem surprised by this startling phenomenon. “God, it all makes sense now! I’ve often found that when I’m bored work gets more boring in response, doing its best to really piss me off. I’ll get more and more annoying phone calls, or my pen will break, or the computer will suddenly develop ‘network problems’, slowing everything down to a crawl. Today it was all three!” Dr Wilson noted that this observation did indeed comply with the quantum principle of observance, or put more simply ‘Mind over Matter’, but utilises a variety of quantum string interaction that is yet to be fully understood but is stunning in its implications.
Dr Wilson is tremendously excited by his discovery. “Obviously more study needs to be done; we need to measure the impact this has on others, whether the effect is infectious in nature and how quickly it would spread if this were the case. Thinking practically, we envision that productivity issues in workplaces afflicted with particularly high counts of Dontgiveafuckyons could finally be dealt with – detectors in offices could alert managers to flagging, non-productive staff or, conversely, could be used to praise employees in offices with lower – or even non-existent - readings. This could lead to a revolution in the manner in which offices and other workplaces are managed, potentially increasing revenue for all concerned! We’ve applied for preliminary funding from a number of sources and are confident of making more important discoveries very soon. We’re a long way yet from a marketable boredom detector/productivity alarm!”
NB: In response to our research of this article, several groups have arisen swiftly to protest any further work in this field, citing privacy concerns and the fear of harsher working environments. After several incidents at his home, Dr Wilson and his family are now in police protective custody.








kirsten kirstycat # Tuesday, May 20, 2008 2:51:58 PM
Just as well some of these particles can be vented and absorbed by the specifically designed operablogmachine, otherwise who knows what might happen!!
GrantTLC # Tuesday, May 20, 2008 2:56:20 PM
Without the Operablogomatic to soak up the excess particles I suspect the person mentioned in the interview might have exploded long before now. Either that or gone on a horrendous killing spree.
OdessaGoldBug # Tuesday, May 20, 2008 6:15:41 PM
GrantTLC # Tuesday, May 20, 2008 6:25:24 PM
OdessaGoldBug # Tuesday, May 20, 2008 7:45:37 PM
Boredum, yeah it can lead to mind numbing yawns spreading all over ones body until all you want to do is sleep....zzzzzzzz:cheers:
Anonymous # Wednesday, May 21, 2008 10:43:01 PM
GrantTLC # Thursday, May 22, 2008 7:19:26 AM
And they won on penalites which everyone knows is nothing to do with actual skill but just a quick, cheap way to avoid the most boring of games dragging on for hours more.
YOU HEAR ME WORLD? FOOTBALL SUX!!!
kirsten kirstycat # Thursday, May 22, 2008 8:15:44 AM
GrantTLC # Thursday, May 22, 2008 2:13:28 PM
OdessaGoldBug # Friday, May 23, 2008 9:08:55 AM
Anonymous # Friday, May 23, 2008 9:17:15 AM