Oo Baby Baby
Monday, 8. December 2008, 16:32:03
Ok, here's the sitch. I'm back at work after a fabulous 5-day trip to Paris, and 4 great days spent at home doing very very little apart from defrosting my freezer, spending a night with my GF and attending Austen's excellent 34th birthday soiree on Sat night. When I wasn't being social I had piles of comics to wade through, a loaned box-set of the much-funnier-than-Family-Guy American Dad and 90 odd episodes of the Justice League cartoon to keep me amused, all exactly what the Doctor would have ordered if he were responsible for keeping my soul happy, bless his corduroy jacket and comedy stethoscope.
Paris was WONDERFUL but very tiring. I was moving constantly for those five days and was accompanied for most of it, meaning my poor Introvert batteries were very low by the time I got back into Aberdeen late on Wednesday night: for someone who requires solitude to recharge spending five days being social is a big deal. Thankfully my hosts were the most charming and lovely people I could hope to have stayed with - Lucie is a darling and Ben did his very best to make sure I saw everything there was to see and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Cheers for that, Gazelle Boy! Much appreciated!
Oh yes I must mention the stress. I'm not a very relaxed traveller, folks; I tend to fret and angst over every detail, particularly when it comes to Airports/Trains etc, and there had been more than one occasion where panic set in during my trip....
...which I'd love to tell you about here but I'm going to have to ask you to wait a little longer. Sorry.
Truth is, writing blogs has been about the furthest thing from my mind during my week off, and now that I'm back at work, worrying about the xmas presents I haven't yet bought and looking at a rather eventful social calendar coming up from now until, er, January there doesn't seem to be much time left for grand prose or breathless reports of my adventures. I also have 138 photographs sitting awaiting review, most of which I'd love to speak about but my goodness where am I going to get the time to sift through 138 jpegs, format and tidy them for upload and write amazingly witty captions for them all?
Ahem...Leaving aside my poor organisational skills I have another important, nay, life-changing piece of news I wish to share with the world at large. One of my very good Man-Friends has finally proven the potency and healthy functionality of his donated genetic material by initiating within his mate the most extreme period of biochemical manufacturing a woman can experience - the creation of another human being, typically assembled from raw material scraped parasitically from the poor mother and bolstered by double helpings of limescale-and-chips (washed down with beetroot vinegar). Yes, my long time drinking buddy Tony is going to become father to one of those mewling, screaming, puking, pooping engines more commonly known as a 'Child', ruining not only his health, his sleep, his social life and his bank balance1 for the next 16+ years but also putting severe strain on his scalp's ability to produce dark hair. (Not that he has much of that left anyway - heh.
) Baby is already in its2 fifth month of construction and is the proud star of some extraordinarily clear medical scans, another of which is due this coming Friday. If I can I'll try to get pics to show here on t'blog.
[UPDATE] Saw Tony tonight, funnily enough, and begged this off him:
Awe-inspiring, isn't it? Baby is around 16 weeks old in this pic. I gazed at this for a long time until I saw it, but now I'm absolutely convinced: Tony's girlfriend is giving birth to The Schmoo! I'm sure that once you've glanced back and forth at the pics above and below a few hundred times you'll have no option but to agree with me - the resemblance is uncanny:
I have no idea what's happening in this picture. None whatsoever. Caption competition?
Interestingly, I was the last to be told about this joyous event by a margin of several months, apparently because Tony's reading of my blog seems to be the same thing in his mind as us conversing in a two-way dialogue. He knows what I'm up to so logically the reverse must be true, which finally explains why he never calls...*sniff*.
Tony WAS very cute about it though, despite me poking him verbally for signs of Dad-Shock. His first question to me, amusing in its naked desperation, was "Can you change nappies?!". Thanks to my three younger brothers, and my mother's odd predilection for adopting pregnant teenage women, I am an old hand at nappy-changing and thus responded firmly and as comfortingly as I could in the affirmative, which seemed to relax him suitably. How lovely a thing it is to see the future, and to know that yellow-and-blue baby poo is waiting for me within it.
But let not my blatant irreverence cloud the sparkling wonder of this glorious affirmation of life, no! I, for one, welcome this new addition to Humanity's genetic pool, and will be checking for satanic numerals on the child's humourously large cranium as soon as it emerges into the gray light of our fragile little world. Hmm, come to think of it, I wonder if they'll be visible in the scan...
* * * * * * * *
1Babies have a habit of doing this, and not just to their parents. My very first interaction with my colleagues this morning was Elaine frantically beckoning me over to her desk, NOT to debrief me on my fabulous week away but to beg £5 off me to celebrate the birth of anothersprog little miracle fathered by one of our database guys. Bloomin' cheek. When baby Emilia turns 16 and enters a bar for the first time I'm going to be there waiting for her to reciprocate with a nice cool pint. Oh yes, we Scots have long memories when it comes to money...
2Gender TBA
Paris was WONDERFUL but very tiring. I was moving constantly for those five days and was accompanied for most of it, meaning my poor Introvert batteries were very low by the time I got back into Aberdeen late on Wednesday night: for someone who requires solitude to recharge spending five days being social is a big deal. Thankfully my hosts were the most charming and lovely people I could hope to have stayed with - Lucie is a darling and Ben did his very best to make sure I saw everything there was to see and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Cheers for that, Gazelle Boy! Much appreciated!
Oh yes I must mention the stress. I'm not a very relaxed traveller, folks; I tend to fret and angst over every detail, particularly when it comes to Airports/Trains etc, and there had been more than one occasion where panic set in during my trip....
...which I'd love to tell you about here but I'm going to have to ask you to wait a little longer. Sorry.
Truth is, writing blogs has been about the furthest thing from my mind during my week off, and now that I'm back at work, worrying about the xmas presents I haven't yet bought and looking at a rather eventful social calendar coming up from now until, er, January there doesn't seem to be much time left for grand prose or breathless reports of my adventures. I also have 138 photographs sitting awaiting review, most of which I'd love to speak about but my goodness where am I going to get the time to sift through 138 jpegs, format and tidy them for upload and write amazingly witty captions for them all?
Ahem...Leaving aside my poor organisational skills I have another important, nay, life-changing piece of news I wish to share with the world at large. One of my very good Man-Friends has finally proven the potency and healthy functionality of his donated genetic material by initiating within his mate the most extreme period of biochemical manufacturing a woman can experience - the creation of another human being, typically assembled from raw material scraped parasitically from the poor mother and bolstered by double helpings of limescale-and-chips (washed down with beetroot vinegar). Yes, my long time drinking buddy Tony is going to become father to one of those mewling, screaming, puking, pooping engines more commonly known as a 'Child', ruining not only his health, his sleep, his social life and his bank balance1 for the next 16+ years but also putting severe strain on his scalp's ability to produce dark hair. (Not that he has much of that left anyway - heh.
) Baby is already in its2 fifth month of construction and is the proud star of some extraordinarily clear medical scans, another of which is due this coming Friday. If I can I'll try to get pics to show here on t'blog.[UPDATE] Saw Tony tonight, funnily enough, and begged this off him:
Awe-inspiring, isn't it? Baby is around 16 weeks old in this pic. I gazed at this for a long time until I saw it, but now I'm absolutely convinced: Tony's girlfriend is giving birth to The Schmoo! I'm sure that once you've glanced back and forth at the pics above and below a few hundred times you'll have no option but to agree with me - the resemblance is uncanny:
I have no idea what's happening in this picture. None whatsoever. Caption competition?
Interestingly, I was the last to be told about this joyous event by a margin of several months, apparently because Tony's reading of my blog seems to be the same thing in his mind as us conversing in a two-way dialogue. He knows what I'm up to so logically the reverse must be true, which finally explains why he never calls...*sniff*.
Tony WAS very cute about it though, despite me poking him verbally for signs of Dad-Shock. His first question to me, amusing in its naked desperation, was "Can you change nappies?!". Thanks to my three younger brothers, and my mother's odd predilection for adopting pregnant teenage women, I am an old hand at nappy-changing and thus responded firmly and as comfortingly as I could in the affirmative, which seemed to relax him suitably. How lovely a thing it is to see the future, and to know that yellow-and-blue baby poo is waiting for me within it.
But let not my blatant irreverence cloud the sparkling wonder of this glorious affirmation of life, no! I, for one, welcome this new addition to Humanity's genetic pool, and will be checking for satanic numerals on the child's humourously large cranium as soon as it emerges into the gray light of our fragile little world. Hmm, come to think of it, I wonder if they'll be visible in the scan...
* * * * * * * *
1Babies have a habit of doing this, and not just to their parents. My very first interaction with my colleagues this morning was Elaine frantically beckoning me over to her desk, NOT to debrief me on my fabulous week away but to beg £5 off me to celebrate the birth of another
2Gender TBA
WIDGETIZE