This Cat Will Freak You
Monday, 15. September 2008, 11:40:26
Posts tagged with "Humour"
Happiness is...
Thursday, 26. June 2008, 09:26:15
...hearing younger friends start to say the things you've been thinking quietly to yourself for years now, such as:
- "Hangovers hit me harder and harder these days."
- "I don't have the stamina I used to have."
- "I quite like an early night, now and again."
- "Good grief that music's a bit loud, isn't it?"
- "I prefer pubs these days where you can have a good chat, don't you?"
- "What's going on with my memory?!?"
- "Yes, I appear to be suffering the early stages of a Grant-Life Crisis." (Thanks for that, Benwise!
)
Billie loses weight...
Tuesday, 24. June 2008, 13:13:10
Comment written on a news site article about last week's Doctor Who (Source: IO9):
Muppet-mouth Skeletor! What an image!
Ps: IO9 is a pretty good website for Sci-fi geeks, by the way. Lots of great, thought-provoking articles. Check it out here
I used to really like Rose [Billie Piper], now she's starting to get that muppet-mouth skeletor look that too many actresses get when they insist on losing too much weight.
Muppet-mouth Skeletor! What an image!Ps: IO9 is a pretty good website for Sci-fi geeks, by the way. Lots of great, thought-provoking articles. Check it out here
The REAL Aberdeen!
Tuesday, 10. June 2008, 15:43:50
Let's suppose you went to a bar in a strange city, let's say abroad somewhere. And in this bar you get chatting to one or more of the locals who, when they find out where you come from, light up with wide, curious eyes and ask you what your home town/city is like.
What would you tell them?
What would you tell them if you came from Aberdeen, as I do?
Thankfully, my job is easy - I have this handy website to refer them to:
http://www.knowhere.co.uk/354_goodbad.html
Made by the people, for the people, this is - literally - the best and worst of Aberdeen, polished until it sparkles or reeking of the sourest piss imaginable, containing truth of the kind you'll never find in an official tourist guide! Enjoy!
What would you tell them?
What would you tell them if you came from Aberdeen, as I do?
Thankfully, my job is easy - I have this handy website to refer them to:
http://www.knowhere.co.uk/354_goodbad.html
Made by the people, for the people, this is - literally - the best and worst of Aberdeen, polished until it sparkles or reeking of the sourest piss imaginable, containing truth of the kind you'll never find in an official tourist guide! Enjoy!
Boredom Detector!
Tuesday, 20. May 2008, 14:27:40
Scientists today revealed the astonishing discovery of a particle hitherto unknown to science. Using new multi-million pound detection equipment they discovered the particles emanating in huge quantities from a 1st floor office building in central Aberdeen. “It was remarkable-” claimed David Wilson, chief theoretical physicist at Aberdeen University. “As soon as the new equipment became operational we suddenly found millions of these new particles streaming past our detectors in a veritable gale! Once we’d verified the equipment was functioning to spec, unplugged and re-plugged it a few times, it didn’t take us long to backtrack to the source.”
Called ‘Dontgiveafuckyons’ (name pending) these new particles are, astonishingly, generated by human beings. “Investigating inside the building, we found the strongest concentration of them to be coming from one particular worker, although several people nearby were also showing high readings. We interviewed several of the people involved and found that, to a man, each was showing definite signs of frustration and even boredom with their working conditions. The particle flow seemed to increase as this feeling intensified, and vice versa.”
One of the strongest readings came from a badger-haired data-handler in his thirties who did not seem surprised by this startling phenomenon. “God, it all makes sense now! I’ve often found that when I’m bored work gets more boring in response, doing its best to really piss me off. I’ll get more and more annoying phone calls, or my pen will break, or the computer will suddenly develop ‘network problems’, slowing everything down to a crawl. Today it was all three!” Dr Wilson noted that this observation did indeed comply with the quantum principle of observance, or put more simply ‘Mind over Matter’, but utilises a variety of quantum string interaction that is yet to be fully understood but is stunning in its implications.
Dr Wilson is tremendously excited by his discovery. “Obviously more study needs to be done; we need to measure the impact this has on others, whether the effect is infectious in nature and how quickly it would spread if this were the case. Thinking practically, we envision that productivity issues in workplaces afflicted with particularly high counts of Dontgiveafuckyons could finally be dealt with – detectors in offices could alert managers to flagging, non-productive staff or, conversely, could be used to praise employees in offices with lower – or even non-existent - readings. This could lead to a revolution in the manner in which offices and other workplaces are managed, potentially increasing revenue for all concerned! We’ve applied for preliminary funding from a number of sources and are confident of making more important discoveries very soon. We’re a long way yet from a marketable boredom detector/productivity alarm!”
NB: In response to our research of this article, several groups have arisen swiftly to protest any further work in this field, citing privacy concerns and the fear of harsher working environments. After several incidents at his home, Dr Wilson and his family are now in police protective custody.
Called ‘Dontgiveafuckyons’ (name pending) these new particles are, astonishingly, generated by human beings. “Investigating inside the building, we found the strongest concentration of them to be coming from one particular worker, although several people nearby were also showing high readings. We interviewed several of the people involved and found that, to a man, each was showing definite signs of frustration and even boredom with their working conditions. The particle flow seemed to increase as this feeling intensified, and vice versa.”
One of the strongest readings came from a badger-haired data-handler in his thirties who did not seem surprised by this startling phenomenon. “God, it all makes sense now! I’ve often found that when I’m bored work gets more boring in response, doing its best to really piss me off. I’ll get more and more annoying phone calls, or my pen will break, or the computer will suddenly develop ‘network problems’, slowing everything down to a crawl. Today it was all three!” Dr Wilson noted that this observation did indeed comply with the quantum principle of observance, or put more simply ‘Mind over Matter’, but utilises a variety of quantum string interaction that is yet to be fully understood but is stunning in its implications.
Dr Wilson is tremendously excited by his discovery. “Obviously more study needs to be done; we need to measure the impact this has on others, whether the effect is infectious in nature and how quickly it would spread if this were the case. Thinking practically, we envision that productivity issues in workplaces afflicted with particularly high counts of Dontgiveafuckyons could finally be dealt with – detectors in offices could alert managers to flagging, non-productive staff or, conversely, could be used to praise employees in offices with lower – or even non-existent - readings. This could lead to a revolution in the manner in which offices and other workplaces are managed, potentially increasing revenue for all concerned! We’ve applied for preliminary funding from a number of sources and are confident of making more important discoveries very soon. We’re a long way yet from a marketable boredom detector/productivity alarm!”
NB: In response to our research of this article, several groups have arisen swiftly to protest any further work in this field, citing privacy concerns and the fear of harsher working environments. After several incidents at his home, Dr Wilson and his family are now in police protective custody.
Because Skeletal Suicide Bombers are Screamingly Funny
Tuesday, 15. April 2008, 13:36:23
Pure laziness today, posting links to YouTube stuff, but what the hey: it's about time my contempt for my readership became public. Click the link to watch them, you biting, stinging parasitic insects.
I kill you!
I kill you!
Latest blog posts
Tags
Recent visitors
Try a faster and more secure Web browser. Download Opera
GrantTLC is blogging on My Opera
My Opera is a blog and photo sharing community with millions of members.
Join now to follow GrantTLC's blog and get your own.
WIDGETIZEHelp | Disclaimer | Terms of service | Web analytics powered by HitsLink
