My OperaLunch, Exercise, Office Job
Tuesday, July 20, 2010 9:30:10 PM
(Bit of an odd one today. You won't get the joke until you read the original HERE and then come back to see the damage I've done to it. Sorry, Miss Kimbers - couldn't resist! 
)
)Office Jobs
Some people say office jobs are boring and horrible. I kill those people. You get a desk, a chair, bottled water, and a small underling to do things for you like shave your back and stand still for rubber-band flicking practice. There's no physical aspect involved - no carrying of heavy things, no cleaning etc, because your underling does all that while you put your feet up and/or practice your putting. There most assuredly ARE rude customers, spitting in your face, even down telephone lines. I used to work in a bar and actually preferred that unruly clientèle to the human refuse you find in corporate offices. There are no drunks, except on Fridays when Sally from accounts likes to start the weekend early (She says it helps dull the pain of her tedious existence). There's no sticky stuff on the floor... except in the toilets which are supposed to be super super clean but are, in fact, a place where human beings attempt to guess who's in the next cubicle by smell alone.
My work colleagues are friendly, helpful and smart (it says here). I get credit for having a brain, and for using it to highlight the stupidity of our competitors, contractors, cleaning staff and those on lower wages. It's a wonderful feeling. Graduate accountants get paid well in bananas, which I like very much as I get to point and laugh.
Exercise
One down side of an office job...and my home location in regards to my place of employment, is that I do not have time to exercise. Last week I only exercised once, and that was to kick my underling very hard up the bottom. Tonight I
We are constantly plied with cakes, scones and assorted sweeties at work. I try to ban myself from accepting but they taste sooo good, and I do not like to be impolite to such sweet and generous women. One day soon I shall tell them of the hundreds of money-pounds lost at weight-watchers, and watch their guilty faces avoid my eye.
Lunch
I don't believe in making lunch, seeing as I can buy my own for a lot less hassle, although this does mean relying on the sweaty sandwiches from our grim canteen staff on the 10th floor. Since starting, I have been buying these lovely pre-packed salmon-and-pasta salads, and low calorie Cream Sodas, and then adding tuna to it. (The pasta, not the cream soda). I'm kind of getting sick on that now, some very odd noises emanating from my nethers in the super-clean toilets. Any ideas for what I can take to cure me of this affliction? It can't contain water (life is so much better without water...at least English bottled water). I also don't want to take antacids because antacids are more summery; I need more of a winter antibiotic, like Ritalin, Tylenol or Phlembuterol. I could make curry vegetables...in fact I'm making something that looks similar every time I visit the lavatory these days...hmm, suddenly not hungry. I hope it doesn't spread to my urethra. I can imagine my bag smelling like pumpkin soup for the next five years.
AHHHHH! My life is a never-ending treadmill devoted to sucking my life away and I CANNOT SCREAM!
Sarah angel292005 # Wednesday, July 21, 2010 12:01:58 PM
Sarah angel292005 # Wednesday, July 21, 2010 12:02:20 PM
galadriel # Wednesday, July 21, 2010 12:10:56 PM
Are you trying to make fun of me?
GrantTLC # Wednesday, July 21, 2010 2:15:24 PM
Of course I'll take it down if you want me to, but I honestly, deeply and sincerely meant no offence to you. Why would I do that to someone whose writing I so admire?? I was hoping you'd see the funny side.
Please don't cut off my balls. :clown:
galadriel # Wednesday, July 21, 2010 8:20:38 PM
Sarah angel292005 # Friday, July 23, 2010 12:30:47 AM
GrantTLC # Friday, July 23, 2010 6:47:37 AM
Sarah angel292005 # Wednesday, July 28, 2010 7:47:52 PM
GrantTLC # Wednesday, July 28, 2010 8:54:55 PM
Not sure the parody thing worked entirely well. You got it, I had a blast doing it (I think we've established why for both in the previous paragraph) but poor old Kimmy...not sure I could do that again. Besides, there are plenty more ways to have fun in the ol' blog.
Be patient, fellow stink-nugget. More hilarity will ensue in due course.
galadriel # Wednesday, July 28, 2010 8:58:44 PM
GrantTLC # Wednesday, July 28, 2010 9:03:15 PM
Sarah angel292005 # Thursday, July 29, 2010 3:07:01 PM
GrantTLC # Thursday, July 29, 2010 5:18:39 PM
People blog themselves jerking off??
Sarah angel292005 # Thursday, July 29, 2010 6:19:40 PM
GrantTLC # Friday, July 30, 2010 6:40:00 AM