Oh god, oh no, oh help!

Tuesday, 6. May 2008, 06:56:22

Re: comments in yesterday's post and comments about my out-of-the-blue screen test....they gave me the part!

Why me? Well, I was a choice of one out of two, and the other guy was about half my age and apparently couldn't act in a very natural manner. I knew this as soon as I clapped eyes on him (my heart sank into my stomach), so I was hoping my performance would be bad enough to put them off me - but it wasn't! Aaaah!

Afterwards they explained what I'm in for - I have a date with a pool and wave machine which I'll have to drown in...and, oh dear lord, they expect me to immerse myself briefly in the actual honest-to-gosh sea while they film me struggling my way on to the shore.

To say I'm terrified is now an understatement. The wave pool doesn't sound too bad, but going into the sea isn't something I've ever relished even on the hottest days!

They kept complimenting me but my own analysis of the requirements for the part - a North-East fisherman - made me totally unsuitable; I'm a much more natural fit for another of the characters, one that doesn't have to drown. So when they were all praising me I couldn't accept that they hadn't just settled for the best of a bad lot due to time pressures or what-have-you. I still can't.

So now I'm acting in a small 25 minute exhibition piece made by a small but very serious production company, not, as I had previously been led to believe, a keen amateur with a video camera and some big ideas. I won't be paid, although if they eventually make any money off it I've been promised a slice. This, however, is unlikely, (particularly when they see my performance!).

Oh god, oh no, oh help - what have I gotten myself into!??

The most beautiful day of 2008Little Updates

Comments

I don't suppose they take you to a tropical beach surrounded by coral reefs and palm trees, upon which to film you emerging from the sea, glistening majestically in your golden speedos? (like James Bond

)

Maybe you could persuade them that their film could be greatly improved if it were about a north-east fisherman being washed up on the shore of a tropical desert island...

Do they really expect you to go into the icy cold Aberdeen sea!?!
wow

very brave!

By kirstycat, # 6. May 2008, 08:03:36

Yes they flippin' well do expect me to go into the sea! They were discussing where this would happen, and at one point suggested a beach at some place called Balmedie, but then one of them piped up saying 'no, you can't go there - the sea's treacherous at that bit of coast! Loads of people have died going in!'

Filled me right up with confidence, that did!

To be honest I'm THIS close to phoning them up and telling them to find someone else; I REALLY am not looking forward to being dumped off any of Scotland's coastlines.

By GrantTLC, # 6. May 2008, 08:44:56

Presumably they won't expect you to swim miles out to sea though, don't you just have to paddle ashore?
Or would they be throwing you out there into deep water from a boat? That wouldn't be very safe! You seem to do a lot of swimming, the local pool is a little bit different to the North sea though! Will you at least get to wear a thermal wetsuit?

I would like to see this film when it is made! hehe

Maybe you will become a famous actor!

Have you seen 'The perfect storm'? The one where George Clooney is out at sea in a storm among massive skysraper sized waves? You could watch that as research

By kirstycat, # 6. May 2008, 08:55:40

SHOWBIZ BURD writes:

Congratulations Sir Grant and you are now officially the famous one of our group and will be fighting off the ladies with a stick!

By anonymous user, # 6. May 2008, 09:22:41

If you need any promotional photographs made up then my girlfriend could help you out with assistance from me - we are both budding photographers, altho she is better than me. Anyway you will need autograph photos made up to hand out at the Premiere. Anyway we can speak about that on Saturday!

By GoldBug, # 6. May 2008, 09:34:33

Promo photos?!? Woah there, nelly! Let's not get ahead of ourselves!

By GrantTLC, # 6. May 2008, 10:31:53

Why not think you need a publistist and I AM the man for the job! This could be the start of Grant the MOVIE star! You might end up in the 3rd Batman movie.

btw saw the end of BATMAN AND ROBIN last night, what a truly awful movie!

By GoldBug, # 6. May 2008, 10:48:18

I will do it for free but if you make it then you can give me some cash!

By GoldBug, # 6. May 2008, 10:48:52

You're going to be famous! Can you record it and put it up here?

By galadriel, # 6. May 2008, 23:15:28

There will be no postings of videos starring me WHATSOEVER.

*I* don't even want to watch it! I would really really really like NOT to see myself on TV at all!

By GrantTLC, # 7. May 2008, 05:40:19

Suz writes:

Oh you are so modest......don't listen to him folks, he's been swanning around work in a fur coat (real! - made from badgers) and shades and talking loudly about maybe getting a red carpet leading up to his desk. We're not allowed to look him in the eye anymore.......

By anonymous user, # 7. May 2008, 08:52:29

Yeah, and the sooner you peasants are moved away from my bank of desks, the better!

By GrantTLC, # 7. May 2008, 08:58:31

So how much are you getting paid for the role and when do you film your wave machine scene?

By GoldBug, # 7. May 2008, 17:47:30

Andy got his money last week so the next time he comes up the pints should be on him, as he will no doubt still claim poverty. He should make a fair whack of interest every year on that!!!!

[AUSTEN - please don't give out personal details like the exact value of Andrew's windfall: it's not polite]

By GoldBug, # 7. May 2008, 17:50:13

hehehe, I can just imagine you sitting there on your elevated throne of office desks, resplendent in your sparkly superstar suit and dark glasses

By kirstycat, # 7. May 2008, 18:11:19

You guys are getting way too carried away with all this, you know...

By GrantTLC, # 7. May 2008, 18:17:32

POINTS OF VIEW writes:

"Andy got his money last week so the next time he comes up the pints should be on him"

....really you think about it he could have a huge holiday each year on the interest alone!!....if he has any sense he should do that, life is for living, whats the point otherwise, will he be found when he is dead at 85 with £200,000.00 under his bed!

By anonymous user, # 8. May 2008, 11:49:15

Originally posted by Points of View:

life is for living, whats the point otherwise, will he be found when he is dead at 85 with £200,000.00 under his bed!

He's probably got that NOW, never mind when he's 85! And you STILL occasionally have to prod him to get a round in when it's his turn!

You say life is for living but doesn't that depend on how you define 'living'? Does life always have to be exciting and eventful? Some people's fondest wish is for what others would call 'a quiet life', free to peacefully do they things they want and not what society expects from people with money. And if that thing happens to be the very same thing they've done every day of their life so far, who are we to argue?

The Multi-Millionaire Benny Hill never stopped shopping for bargains at his local supermarket, and our ridiculously aspirational society could learn some good lessons about the true value of money from studying that example.

By GrantTLC, # 8. May 2008, 12:26:56

WORDS OF WISDOM writes:

But isn't that a waste of opportunity! Most people would love to have that kind of money given to them in order to go out and do the things that lack of money stops one from doing.

I too could have had thousands in the bank but I HAVE chosen to spend it on things like a decent TV and trips away. I feel with opportunity comes responsibility to make the most of things. Benny Hill died a lonely sad man which was a terrible waste as he entertained millions but his demons or poor self belief made his a recluse!

If indeed he does want to sit on his money and not speend it on himself thats fine but..., he shouldn't then wait to be the last person to buy a round of drinks in hope that it will be forgotten as everyone decides it's time to head home and he will have saved £15 from a night out!!!!

By anonymous user, # 8. May 2008, 14:21:32

Would you rather be extremely rich yet unhappy, or scraping the pennies together in order to get by, but still happy and content with the things that you do have?

By kirstycat, # 8. May 2008, 18:54:36

I think it would be pretty hallow if I was given a lot of money, somehow I feel working hard to obtain it somehow gives one satisfaction. I think it may sound easy to say that but it's how I feel.

If someone did give me £45grand I'd probably invest some of it but my dream is to visit New York so I would splash out and have a decent trip there. I would also have a huge party and invite all my friends...I am quite a social person so a huge gathering would be a lot of fun, I'm sure Grant wouldn'y turn down a free skinfull of booze and food and entertainment!

Being happy is what is most important and making the most of every second that we are blessed with existance.

By GoldBug, # 8. May 2008, 19:14:04