My Operasomeday, somehow
Monday, June 21, 2004 2:33:10 PM
"no guy no cry" appeared on the quit msg of a chatter in mirc. if we knew each other, maybe we would NOT get along.
why?
because that's what i cant do right now but want to. is to cry. i want to CRY, cry alone, infront of my friends or classmates, and even in the streets. i want everyone, including me, to realize that i am sad, that im lonely, and heartbroken.
but i cant. i dont know why, everytime im out, i get along with them like nothing's wrong, like what im trying to tell my heart. it happened 2 months ago. he left. that's it. i told him we should write one last letter to each other before he leaves because, like i said to him, there wouldnt be any time for us to be together when he comes back. well, he believed otherwise. "that's nonsense hannah, we will definitely be as close as ever when our vacations are over." the sad part was? i believed him.
but i did write him a testimonial in friendster(a site in internet where you could post msgs to your friends and make them testimonials... sort of like email except its better but slower)
i hung on his word. i was able to endure my 2-week long stay at the states with the belief that when i come back, we will be back to normal. he left and arrived earlier than me, and both of us going to the same places but never really seeing each other there. but its ok with me, because i got another reason to be ok with that.
reason: i did not want to fall in love with him. or with anyone. i believe in love, as far the dixie chicks do, but i didnt think that that was it. i pictured it in the beach, me wearing a white loose pants and a green top, and walking in the sand. we would be alone until the sun sets and i lean over him to see the stars then BAM! we would kiss each other. he wouldnt say any words, just savoring the cold sea air and memorizing my face, my smile and the way i breathe. we would sleep in each other's arms and wake up being all lovey dovey to each other.
i didnt plan to fall in love with him. with the wrong guy.
i told myself that its just an infatuation. that im just mesmerized. who wouldnt be fascinated to a guy who's totally an airhead? vain. vain. vain. and totally head over heels for his ex? i TRIED to believe it. but i failed.
before i know it, i already crashed right down. i tried everything to get rid of it. my friends were already getting irritated with the phrase "im totally over him na", but they knew me too well. that im still there. still hanging for him.
he called the night i arrived from states, just casual talk. i was so happy right then and he even told me that he'll call again the next day. that day passed, then another, a week, a month, then two. he didnt call. i texted him, no response. no communication at all. when he saw me at the mall, he didnt go to say hello to me. i guess it was just the way to tell me that it really is over.
i wish someone would take this all away like it never really happened. i wish this certain "special person" would be able to.
i wish someone would fill this hope in my heart. and deep down, i wish it will be him. someday, somehow.
why?
because that's what i cant do right now but want to. is to cry. i want to CRY, cry alone, infront of my friends or classmates, and even in the streets. i want everyone, including me, to realize that i am sad, that im lonely, and heartbroken.
but i cant. i dont know why, everytime im out, i get along with them like nothing's wrong, like what im trying to tell my heart. it happened 2 months ago. he left. that's it. i told him we should write one last letter to each other before he leaves because, like i said to him, there wouldnt be any time for us to be together when he comes back. well, he believed otherwise. "that's nonsense hannah, we will definitely be as close as ever when our vacations are over." the sad part was? i believed him.
but i did write him a testimonial in friendster(a site in internet where you could post msgs to your friends and make them testimonials... sort of like email except its better but slower)
i hung on his word. i was able to endure my 2-week long stay at the states with the belief that when i come back, we will be back to normal. he left and arrived earlier than me, and both of us going to the same places but never really seeing each other there. but its ok with me, because i got another reason to be ok with that.
reason: i did not want to fall in love with him. or with anyone. i believe in love, as far the dixie chicks do, but i didnt think that that was it. i pictured it in the beach, me wearing a white loose pants and a green top, and walking in the sand. we would be alone until the sun sets and i lean over him to see the stars then BAM! we would kiss each other. he wouldnt say any words, just savoring the cold sea air and memorizing my face, my smile and the way i breathe. we would sleep in each other's arms and wake up being all lovey dovey to each other.
i didnt plan to fall in love with him. with the wrong guy.
i told myself that its just an infatuation. that im just mesmerized. who wouldnt be fascinated to a guy who's totally an airhead? vain. vain. vain. and totally head over heels for his ex? i TRIED to believe it. but i failed.
before i know it, i already crashed right down. i tried everything to get rid of it. my friends were already getting irritated with the phrase "im totally over him na", but they knew me too well. that im still there. still hanging for him.
he called the night i arrived from states, just casual talk. i was so happy right then and he even told me that he'll call again the next day. that day passed, then another, a week, a month, then two. he didnt call. i texted him, no response. no communication at all. when he saw me at the mall, he didnt go to say hello to me. i guess it was just the way to tell me that it really is over.
i wish someone would take this all away like it never really happened. i wish this certain "special person" would be able to.
i wish someone would fill this hope in my heart. and deep down, i wish it will be him. someday, somehow.
