Sunday, 13. July 2008, 21:40:23
I haven't been on here much, even in the forums, lately. I was disappointed, disillusioned and just a bit cranky. I don't have any explanation for this. Maybe my priorities changed, maybe I just can't take the crowd anymore.
But.
There are people on Opera that I care about, and wish I was better at keeping in touch with. In lieu of this, I will post this blog that tells you what is going on in my life.
1. I have a great job that I like. It doesn't pay much, but enough to survive and try to get ahead.
2. I've got a permanent roommate. Djin moved in a year ago, when he had trouble with his landlords. We decided that the best way to get a place that works well for all the animals is to find a place together. No hanky-panky, just a good roommate. (hear that guys??? still single!)
3. #2 led to #3. We finally found a house that will let us have the animals we have, with enough room for all the people too. We'll be moving over the next few days. Big empty back yard with lots of sun, big front yard with a huge maple shading it. Fenced in to make it safe for running dogs and adventurous cats.
4. Speaking of adventerous cats. We got a new kitten. His name is Toast. He came to us via the groomer at the place I work - he showed up on her doorstep with some sort of infection in his lower lip and teeth. The animal health lady helped us get him on antibiotics, and he's doing great now. For those who are counting, this puts us up to 5 cats ranging in age from 8+ years to probably 3 months old. Plus the two dogs, and yes, we have a houseful.
5. My kid has been accepted to an Arts & Acedemics high school. It's pretty exciting, that she'll be able to go to a school that not only accepts but encourages the students to actively think outside the high school norm. I would have loved it when I was a kid.
6. I hope you all are doing well. I wish I could be here more, but it just isn't working for me. I hope that someday I will be back, for reals.
Saturday, 26. January 2008, 22:21:50
I don't use this blog much, no. But I am sitting here in front of it now, and I have hands with fingers that can type so here goes.
Updates since last time:
I still live in a shithole apartment in a town that could be called the deep south of the northwest. Hicksville. Right next to Hippieville, coincidentally.
Changes:
a roommate. A pretty good one - a grownup with a job. He pays money and everything, and has longterm potential and hey! I like him.
a job. A pretty good one - a grownup job. It pays money and everything, and has longterm potential and hey! I like it.
Can't beat that with a stick, huh?
Still not into the whole "outside world" thing. I like to sleep. I like to stay home. I haven't been the best at staying in touch with people who really deserve to be touched (so to speak). I kind of feel bad about it, but I kind of can't feel it too much right now.
I'm good though. I can do what I need to do, working and shopping and getting things taken care of that are necessary (are there two "c"s there?). I pay my bills and go to school events for the kid and feed the animals. I make sure we have coffee and toilet paper and internet. I dye my kids hair purple and my hair red. I call my mom once a week and my dad once a month. I answer the phone when my sister calls and when friends from far distant cities call because they have relationship woes.
I'm good. See? I'm smiling right now. Can you feel it?
Sunday, 23. September 2007, 18:00:41
I know I don't post in here very much, but this was important enough to make me want to.
Almost exactly a year after I got my little hand tattoos, a little more than a year after the day my Nico was supposed to be born, I have gotten my second set of tattoos for him.
(please forgive the odd shading and outline, the picture was taken seconds after they were done)
For those who don't know, those are the footprints of my little boy who was stillborn last year, at 8 months gestation. I was able to hold him and get all the momentos I could, including hand and footprints.
My line of thought: Around this time, I should be teaching him to walk, and talk, and eat more interesting food than pablum. So the feet are where they should be: on my feet, so he can learn to take steps.
Two comments on these tattoos: 1) they HURT like a sumbich to get. 2) it was more than worth it.
Sunday, 24. December 2006, 22:50:36
Five things about me...that you may not have known.
1. I have a large family - 5 aunts, one uncle, over 30 cousins. Three brothers, two sisters + several steps. The are all over the place now - from Alaska to Hawaii, Asia to Mexico.
2. My first cat was named Dario. I don't know why. When we moved, my mom gave him to a friend of the family named Norman and told me he was going to live in the mountains and would have an emerald collar.
3. My nickname from my sister is Frog. It's because she used to make an annoying rhyme out of my first name and came up with "toad" but I got bigger than her pretty early on so she decided to change it to frog, which I liked better.
4. I have large feet and hands, especially in relation to my height.
5. I used to raise rats. My first one was named Lestat, after that Akasha and Enkil (how original huh?) and their babies, later it was Odo and Garak and Mab. Garak was a bald rex, and my favorite for always. Most recently was Scabies, shown here:
Sunday, 10. September 2006, 03:49:59
What a day - we spent the afternoon at the Enchanted Forest - it's been a long time since I've laughed that much, it was so much fun. Even with my mom and her guy, and with the kids. It was FUN. I want to go back, that's how much fun it was. I'd pay the full admission just to go through the haunted house again. it was friggin HEElarious.
Then we spent a couple hours at The Parlour, a tattoo shop in Eugene. Mom got a tear added to her sun/,moon thing, and I got the above pictured handprints. Those are Nico's handprints, exact size taken exactly from one of the copies we got at the hospital.
So for anyone who lives around here or passes through and gets an itch for a tattoo, I will totally recommend that guy Jay at The Parlor. I plan to go back to have him do the foot prints as soon as I can.
Saturday, 9. September 2006, 07:27:24
let me tell you about my brother.
He's started telling his life story on his myspace blog, and it's pretty cool. I am surprised about it, because he remembers more of the good things than the bad. I'm glad for that, it made me remember them as well.
If you're interested in the part he wrote about his lovely sisters (those who don't know can guess which one is me) you can read it
here.I bitch about my family alot, and it's easy to think that lack of contact with him meant that he just didn't give a rat's heiny, but it looks like he really does.
Friday, 1. September 2006, 22:13:27
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'd never heard that song before, but this morning someone basically said those last two lines and while looking for a good picture of light shining through a crack, I found it.
It seems the whole of the song is about bigger things, the world and politics and all that, but I'm going to steal these lines and try to make them about my own little life.
Tuesday, 15. August 2006, 00:01:24
Gary Numan
A Child With The Ghost
Nothing I can say
Can make your picture talk
I feel so tired and
Nothing I can do
Will make your picture move
I feel so helpless but
I can feel
A child with the ghost here
You let your heart slip away
If I had one wish
I'd wish to talk with you
I have some questions
Things only you could know
If I had one wish
I'd wish to talk with you
Nothing you can feel
Can feel as cold as this
I'll sing this song and
I'll say goodbye forever
I wonder
If God is all they say
I can't believe in such things.
I suppose
Some games are hard to lose
But you don't have to play 'cos
I can feel
A child with the ghost here
You let your heart slip away
Thursday, 3. August 2006, 20:41:18
What brought the kindred spider to that height,
Then steered the white moth thither in the night?
What but design of darkness to appall?
If design govern in a thing so small.
-Robert Frost
My mom says that there is a legend about seeing a white moth meaning a death in the family. She saw one on Saturday, and another on Monday, and she knew something bad had happened.
On Sunday, July 30 my baby died.
I'm telling you all in this impersonal blog because I don't want to have to explain it over and over again.
thank you to everyone who was so supportive this whole time, I'm sorry it turned out like this.
Saturday, 11. March 2006, 19:42:46
At around 4 inches long, crown to rump, your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 ounces. He's busy inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid, which will help develop the air sacs in his lungs. His legs are growing longer than his arms now, and he can move all his joints and limbs. That means his hands are more functional, too.
Although his eyelids are fused shut, he can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, he's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but his taste buds are beginning to form.
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