Inside The Mind of a Flare Up
Tuesday, 7. July 2009, 20:46:17
I'm in the midst of a moody flare up triggered by the cool front that arrived last Saturday. I thought this would be a great opportunity to write about my crazy foggy brain. Forgive me if I don't make sense! 
Yesterday I woke feeling as though someone had punched me right between my shoulder blades. I also had a headache so I took some of my meds but I felt no change. Now this happens occasionally, my pain meds work great but sometimes it doesn't seem like they do anything. This was one of those days. I was in uncomfortable pain until mid-afternoon when the pain subsided for an unknown reason.
Today I was feeling better, much less pain. I needed to go get groceries and had been putting it off for a couple of days so off I went with my reusable environmentally friendly bags.
It was going well until towards the end. By the time I got home I could feel my great loss of focus. I was feeling very edgy and anxious so I retreated to my bedroom and quickly began to feel calmer. I was laying with the dogs and tried to sleep but I keep jerking so much that it's impossible. So here I am, trying to put words together to where they make sense. My brain is so scattered. I have double vision and have to close one eye to see clearly. I'm having a very hard time concentrating on what I am doing. 
I've been playing the SIMS 2 game on my laptop and am obsessed with it. I play for hours. I was thinking about this on my way back from town earlier (before my brain completely jumped ship) and realized why I enjoy that game SO much:
--I can control everything there and very little in my real life.
--It's a creative outlet (designing and decorating houses or businesses)
--It's an escape. I don't think about my health, bills, worry where my husband is driving today for work, or anything but the happy little SIMS on my screen.
It's hard to put into words, however I am really tired of my health issues. This flare has irritated me severely. I'm tired of worrying about it, planning around it, taking meds, and being at the mercy of this stupid, ridiculous condition. I can barely focus (thank God for automatic spell check!)and as I mentioned, have double vision. Lets add to this: headache, jaw ache, shoulder tenderness, tender spots on back, wanting to sleep badly but my body refuses to let me, forgetfulness, confusion, a weird figity feeling (probably the Restless Legs that won't let me sleep without meds)
OOkk, it's getting worse, I can't even focus enough to reread what I wrote. My point of this was to show non-fibro cursed folks what it's like to be foggy.
LATER: It's a bit better now so I can continue. Trying to function with this brain fog is just crazy. I thank the Lord daily that I have an awesome husband and am able to stay home right now. I don't know how I would make it trying to work at a job during these fogs. It will pass and probably tomorrow it'll be gone (I'm hoping anyway, must work).
My favorite place to be is at home, in my newly made over bedroom "oasis". There I feel calm and comfortable. The dogs always hang out with me and just at this moment Bella has her head and paw resting on my right leg watching me type this. Here the fogs come and go without causing me embarrassment from sounding stupid around "normals". I hate that.
I hope this makes sense to everyone and doesn't sound like a bunch of babbling.
(0%)
WIDGETIZE
Zaphira # 8. July 2009, 08:15
I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad, and I so wish that it'll be better soon.
*hugs*
rose-marie # 8. July 2009, 08:49
Hermitess # 8. July 2009, 12:06
The oasis is really nice to have. I'm glad Hermit thought to do that for me.
I think the double vision was a result of the meds I took to try and get that under control. I am feeling better although I suspect it may pop back up today.
Thanks for the thoughts!!!!
ShallowMuse # 8. July 2009, 19:40
Hermitess # 8. July 2009, 19:43
Thanks for the pep talk, I've been needing that.
Today has been rough as well. It stormed and is about 20 degrees cooler than normal. FM not liking that.
SpicyFlier # 10. July 2009, 10:11
I would consider my dad, yourself, Doris and Sarah as heroic. To live day in and day out with chronic pain is a test of will and faith that most of us mere "normals" cannot appreciate.
Salute!!
Hermitess # 12. July 2009, 05:51
I wouldn't call me heroic but when put in a difficult situation you would be surprised at the strength you will find in yourself, especially if you request some help from the Lord.