The Daily Grind

Here I am. I've reached the "epic" age of 40. Big deal. Unlike some, how do I get to spend mine? I get to sit in an empty house. Wife at work. child at school, after a night of working janitorial, so I'm sleepy too, sitting over a small cheesecake, solitary at the table. Then, I get to reflect on having really next to nothing. Oh sure, I have "stuff", but it doesn't amount to much. I'm barely making the bills... Can't really afford a night out for even a cheap dinner and I really cant afford the time either, cause I have to work tonight again. I've never been a person with a great need for people in my life, so I really don't have many friends... actually it could be said I don't really have any.

And everything is geared to shoving that in your face at these times. You're constantly reminded that unless you have scads of friends, you have the nice house, nice SUV, the successful career track, you'll wind up miserable and alone. "Celebrating" as I am, no one to call and no one to laugh with, either through fate or happenstance. It sucks.

Then you get to thinking about how you probably have 40 more YEARS of this to go. About how it's all downhill, your ability and productivity has peaked and, barring a miracle, you'll never own your own home, never buy a new car and your overall health will not improve. The sense of decay settles in.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have any regrets about my life. It was and is what it is, and I'm happy to have what I do and who I do, but I still feel cheated in a way.

I suppose I'll just make the best of it as I always do. It's just not how I expected to bring in a "hallmark" birthday.