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The MiniSeries of Mister President

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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Philosopher

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A job hunter, a philosophy major, went here, there and everywhere in his search for employment, but in vain.

Having run out of options, he swallowed his pride and took up the offer of playing a tiger in a costume at a zoo. He was locked up in a cage, where he was supposed to imitate various tiger-like movements to entertain visitors.

To his horror, another tiger appeared in the cage and started approaching him. He panicked and was on the brink of collapse when the tiger said: "Don't be afraid. I'm also a philosophy major."


Mister President -- The Finale

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This is a circumstance of bewilderment where everyone is trying to move on or move out, a shattered organization attempting to rebuild itself physically and spiritually.

Head resting on his folded arms on the office table in front of him, Mister President is trying to bury his grief. The profession of psychological consultancy would be wipen out once and for all if he did succeed.

Grief is a kind of human feeling that can remould humanity and advance civilization and ultimately facilitate happiness, if it is being treated properly. One may consider this proposition as misleading relativism or bewitched dialectics. But, it works for Mister President.

He has just dismissed both the revolutionary and the philosopher as planned. The two have accomplished their mission and were compensated with the contracted reward and extra bonus.

Mister President's grief is not monetary, but fraternal.

Mister President believes in self-healing, bodily and organizationally. Inviting the revolutionary and the philosopher into his board is some sort of vaccine to prevent virus infection.

His board of directors is now becoming more united after endless rounds of debates and quarrels ignited by the two characters. At least he believes so. High body temperature is an indication of recovery in process.

After a long while, Mister President is back to himself again. He picks up the phone and dials his fiancee up. There is still a lot to be prepared for their wedding later this year.

"Honey, ....", Madam Harmon says at the other end of the wire.

Further Reading:[list1]
[*]Search for "a harmonious society" at China Daily
[*]China's Harmony Renaissance (Update, 5 March, 2007)[/list1]

The President and I

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I've met with Mister President at a crossroads one late evening.

It's a misty night. I saw him staring at a crow who stayed tranquilly up on a lamppost and stared him back. The scene's like an expressionist painting on canvas - a black crow's witnessing a lonely soul who's saying a prayer in a gloomy pebble alley.

The bird has shit on him. I clearly saw a flake of succus lying on his right shoulder when I came close to him. I offered him my handkerchief. That's how we got to know each other.

He bought me some drinks that night in the city's red-light district. I introduced a couple of friends to him in return. They became very closely acquainted afterwards. Mister President told me sometime later that they have helped open his eyes.

That night, we talked causally outside a bar. People were pouring out from the inside spreading unevenly on the pedestrian walkway. We're in the middle of a collective ritual - warming concurrently the glass or bottle in our hands.

He told me he's stuck in a dilemma. He just couldn't simply replace all corrupted managers. Afterall, they've helped to optimize the business structure of his Corporation. They're important contributors to the group's prosperity, and still are.

However, structural change has given rise to new interest groups. There's no immediate steelyard to balance things out. He's desperate in need of innovative inputs as to create a new mechanism that could accommodate all sort of interests.

He complained that it's really difficult to run an enterprise during a transitional period.

I got nothing to offer him but listen. While we're running dry in our conversation, a friend joined in.

He's a revolutionary by profession. He's just back from Africa. He said that the working classes have lost their class consciousness. Most of them found to be materialists and conformists. Mister President was enlightened by his sermonette.

Later on, another friend inserted himself into the conversation. He's a French (or Algerian) philosophical activist or millitant philospher who strangled his wife to death not long ago. He wasn't tried and is still under psychological treatment.

I soon found myself wordless in the quartet and quietly pulled out. I've emptied my stomach besides the same lamppost before heading home.

About a month later, I heard that my two arm's length friends have joined Mister President's group as non-executive directors. They've made a lot of noise in the media.

Up till now, Mister President still owes me a handkerchief.

Calculating for How Long Can I Still Fool Around

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I'm thinking what if I sleep 1 hour less each day, am I gaining or losing time, in my fooling-around life.

Doctors recommend an adult to sleep between 7 and 9 hours per day for him/her to "function" (or fool around) properly. If we build sleep deficits, it seems only reasonable to find a way to catch up. And, it's possible to overdo it.

I suspect I probably will pass away when I'm 60, less longevous than an average person because I did and am doing too many evil things. My godfather knows them all, because I share that with him. He loves listening to all those wrongdoings of mine. I know it, because he sometimes takes notes. And I know also that Heaven is not going to take me. I deserve live a shorter life.

Anyway, that means that I will be "inactive" for 20 years just lying in bed doing nothing, if I choose to sleep 8 hours a day, i.e. 1/4 of a day or my lifetime. And, if I choose to sell myself 8 hours to a boss, then I will have to deduct another 1/4 of my life with the assumption that I need no retirement and work till I die, and my boss or any other boss will retain me to a job. Afterall, 60 isn't really that old as one may believe otherwise. It happens that Stanley Ho, the Macau Tycoon still bears child at his 80. And Nicolas Tse Tingfung's father at his 70 is still fooling around with meimei.

Arithmetically, I will have 30 years to fool around. Yet, no. I need to deduct another 4 hours as a buffer for travelling between locations and filling my stomach, presumably per day. I've just killed another 10 years. Hm.... I have now only 20 years left. Hell, no! I'm already over 20. Am I dead or alive?

I better get some sleep...

You snooze, you lose.

Mister President's Resolution

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'Decision on Strengthening the Financial Account of All Deapartments'

'Centralization of Department's Rights on New Subsidiary Formation'

'Decision on Formation of Workers Union for all Subsidiaries'

Mister President is going to publicize what have just been decided in order to please his employees, except his department heads. He takes no time to wait for his department heads' reflections on the Corporation's new resolution.

He anticipates that they will follow him with the decisions, afterall most of them are gotten promoted to their positions quite recently. It is the right moment to end the previous debate, he thinks. And, the time is always now.

He has scheduled this press conference long before he called for the extended board of directors' meeting. Even the resolution he just emails out to all heads of department after the meeting are in accord with his plan. It is not easy to get the concensus of his directors on all his prepared measures for strengthening his Corporation, but he did.

The talk with Wang Wang several months ago has inspired him, and the department-wise outburst of the TOP epidemic has reinforced his determination to make changes as to streamline the governance of his Corporation. He thinks what he did is right. He will go along the way to make everyone happy. If everyone is happy, he will be happy. Sharing is of utmost importance in life. God will help him out with this just course.

Mister President is on his way to the press conference, all alone with his Driver. He is happy with his Driver for the past four years. He has never let him down. He knows what he requires is the safest way to get to where he wants to go, but not the fastest.

However, there are events in the history of humanity that unexpected incident could change the subjectism of human kind, no matter how thoughful they are.

At a crossroads, the Driver follows the green light and drives carefully along. At the junction, a truck runs in full speed from their right hand side and hit their car at the rear. The car spins for a few rounds and tumbles like a turtle. At the same time, the truck brakes and decelerates to a complete stop about 100 metres on the left.

Mister President and his Driver lie side-by-side on two beds adjacent to each other in a room at the Corporate Hospital. The room is full of flowers.

On a card stuck to a bunch of lilies blossoming on a vase, wrote "May God Bless You! Get Well..." and undersigned 'A Department Head'.

Mister President And The T.O.P. Epidemic

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A growing TOP epidemic is forcing Mister President to face some uncomfortable truths about his Corporation.

On the first floor of a crowded clinic in the corporate compound, several fat managers and manageresses wait, quiet and fearful. They're standing outside an TOP counselling centre. Inside, behind white clinic screens, counsellors comfort sobbing managers who have just learned what it means to be infected by TOP epidemic. They will continue to grow fatter and fatter until one day they aren't able to walk or move.

These managers and manageresses had visions of a happy, managerial life. Instead, they've been handed a 'death sentence'. It's a scenario that's beginning to play out all over the Corporation. Ironically, joining the managerial team of the company puts them at the greatest risk of contracting TOP.

"It's a very bold statement," says Doctor Blue, an epidemic specialist. "But unfortunately, it's true. Only managerial staff get infected, whichever department they come from."

Doctor Blue and his colleagues estimate that in the next year more than half of the managerial force of the company will become TOP-positive.

"We are still in the middle to locate its source. But the good news is, the epidemic won't transmit among human," smile and says Doctor Blue.

In the office, Mister President is preparing a long replacement list for his senior staff. He has no reason to be happy. But, he is. More than you can imagine.

It will save him a lot of pension fund. Early retirement because of lost of working ability marks an end to their future, monetarily and professionally. Years of insurance premium payment has finally paid off. The insurance company is going to take care of the rest of their lives.

Doctor Blue recommended him to enlist young and healthy staff who have better immune system.

Mister President knows what he is doing. He has never liked those patriarchs left behind by his father. After his succession, he has decided to eliminate those who are against his new corporate development plan, and their followers. He doesn't have to find an excuse now. The epidemic has saved him from the trouble.

"But, what's TOP?" "Where does it come from?" "Am I also infected?" "How long is the latent period?" "Can we find cure?" "Is there any bacterin available to prevent it from happening again?"

Mister President has no idea. Until one day, a systems consultancy firm issues a press release citing their findings. All newspapers bear the same headline on their front paper.

"Replacement of Intranet System Will Stop Spread of 'Taste Of Power' Epidemic."

Update: (29 October)

1. Power Corrupts. In Some Places, Almost Everyone (China Daily)

2. Punishments Reflect Resolve to Fight Graft (China Daily/Xinhua)

3. President Hu Stresses Anti-Corruption drive (Xinhua)


The Physiological Laboratory for the Betterment of Men's Sexual Intercourse

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THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT

According to a recent report conducted by an influential medical institute, 'The Physiological Laboratory for the Betterment of Men's Sexual Intercourse' (PLBS):

1, The length of a "normal" male's dick is in reverse proportion to its diameter;
2, A "normal" male's dick's functional persistency is also found in reverse proportion to its length;
3, The finding is independent of race, living environment, climatic condition, experience etc etc;
4, The finding is universally applicable (based on millions of hospital examinations and experiments) to all male spices;
5, All irrevelant cases are classified as 'abnormal' in PLBS's databank which accounts to less than 0.5% of all tested samples;
6, For the betterment of male's sexual intercourse, PLBS is proud to be able to provide a simple surgery to those in need, in particular for "adnormal" victims. The surgery will normally take about 3 seconds in its Lab;
7, The surgery is free for now. Pledget is not provided, please bring your own.

Note: Any male (all sex tendencies) who want to have an aforesaid surgery or is interested in contributing his record to the Lab's databank is welcome. Please contact the author.

This is a contribution to Boycott Chinese Girls Who Date White Guys (The 88s' Blog)

Update:
24.10.06 01:34 - An Opera community citizen has just sent me an online message with a simple remark on this piece: "WTF". Full words being abbreviated, I self-censored it to follow the Internet ABC partyline: 'Anti-Bullshit Campaign' as to promote 'Mind & Ideology Purity'. Anyone who desperately want to share his/her views with me, please register yourself at Opera (again, this isn't an advertisement) and send me 'secret' messages. Do so only if you can't hold it to yourself. But I have to warn you folks that I'll post it when/wherever I feel fit. As a matter of message-property-rights, I judge that you lost yours whilst they're in my message-box which I treat it as a trash-box. Afterall, I don't mind being a trash-picker.

Don't Be A Liar, Mr President

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Wang sits on a sofa chair a brick throw distance away from the secretary desk. Miss Secretary is rhythmically typing on her keyboard tapping out beats of a very familiar song, 'The East is Red'. He loves that. Following Miss Secretary's directives, he slightly taps on the floor with the tip of his right shoe.

He's trying to recall what he's been told an hour or so ago. He's on a mission. He shouldn't let his folks down. They're all on the same boat, as he's been told. They're brother-in-arm. If they're down, he'll certainly be drown. He's made up his mind. He shouldn't have any second thought. The mission must be accomplished. He adores Tom Cruise. He's so very Man. He did things all by himself. He hung himself all the way down from the ceiling. He adores the security chief in Crazy Stone too. He himself is also a security. He's proud to be one of the team, especially after watching the film.

"I'll not let myself down." He said confidently.

The tick-tack rhythme stops. Miss Secretary raises her head and sees to his direction over her left shoulder.

"Are you talking to me?" She said with a hesitation.

His tap stops at the point whilst the lyric of the song ends at 'The East Emerges with a ...'

"No... Yes, is Mister President free now?"

A fatherly-look gentleman leaves the room adjacent Miss Secretary's desk. She stands and walks out of her corner.

"Mister President." Wang walks to him.

"I have to leave now for a meeting. Do you mind if we talk while we walk?" said the President.

"Yes, sir." Wang replied solidly.

"Call my driver. Tell him I'm going down to the car park now." He turns his head to Miss Secretary and says.

"Sir, we want a raise. We want to have a bigger slice of the cake." Wang says whilst he's walking the President to the escalator.

"Why do you want a bigger slice?"

"Because ours're far too small..." Wang emphasized on the word 'ours'.

"But yours'll grow along with a bigger cake." The President gently replies and presses the lift call button while they're in the lift lobby.

"We still haven't enough to feed our families. Our families grow too, sir."

"Who sent you here? What's your name? Young man."

"They called me Wang Wang, sir."

"Who're they?" The President leads Wang to the lift cabin and presses the basement button.

"They're my colleagues, your staff, sir."

"Why don't you make your request at the human resources department? Which department are you from? ...Never mind, young man. I like you."

"I like you too, sir. Will we have a bigger slice then? Sir."

"I'll inform my secretary to make some arrangements with the HR department. Does she know where you're from?"

"She didn't. I'll tell her afterwards, sir."

"Go wait for the good news, young man." The President says as the lift doors open.

Wang follows him out to the carpark runway and says composedly, "Are you sure, sir. Don't be a liar, Mister President."

The President turns his shoulder whilst he enters a Mercedes. He pauses a little and answers, "I won't."

Wang sees the car off with bewilderment. "It's not as difficult as they said afterall." He murmurs.

Two weeks later, Wang sits on a bench outside the reception parlour at the gate of a factory enjoying the morning sunshine. A couple of workers raise their thumbs to Wang whilst they pass him by. He waves his hands back to them happily.

At noon, Wang still sits on the same bench as he's in the morning. An old lady comes hold him by the hand and leads him out of the factory gate.

"Time for lunch, Wang Wang."

Update: (27 October)

Thank you for the compliment, Veronica. I'm glad you like it.

Labour disputes can actually be handled smoothly and in harmony, though it isn't always the case. Successful deal doesn't usually make by wise guy, but honest one, with the condition that the counterpart is also honest.

I haven't made any political implication to the immediate Chinese politics, and it isn't a metaphor. It just happens that the boss' surname is 'President' and his first name 'Mister'. ;p


God Accuse Devil and Devil Bribe God

While I googled "cybernetics" today, I came across an online simulation program (Interact) for examining the implications of Affect Control Theory, a field of study that attempts to understand how peoples' emotions shape their interactions, and how people shape their emotions to fit into their perceived roles. Interact is a computer program that displays verbal descriptions of what people might do in a given situation, of how they might respond emotionally to events, and of how they might attribute qualities or new identities to themselves and other interactants in order to account for unexpected happenings.

I have picked the test of "Impressions from Events" among others (Three Dimensions of Affective Meaning, Measuring Sentiments on Three Dimensions, Measuring Emotions on Three Dimensions and Are You Predictable?). The results of "God Accuse Devil" and "Devil Bribe God" from the viewpoint of a Male are as follow:

Male observing
Actor: God,
Behavior: accuse,
Object person: Devil


Words for God's emotion:
horny emotional lighthearted lustful excited carefree anxious joyful amused charmed
Cultural sentiment about God (¤) and impression resulting from event (*)

Bad
Awful
____ ____ ____ ____|____ *___ ____¤____
Good
Nice

Powerless
Little
____ ____ ____ ____|____ ____ *___ __¤_
Powerful
Big

Slow
Quiet
Inactive
____ ____ ____ __¤_|__*_ ____ ____ ____
Fast
Noisy
Active

Words for Devil's emotion:
nervous shook up displeased irked apprehensive annoyed resentful irritated impatient upset
Cultural sentiment about Devil (¤) and impression resulting from event (*)

Bad
Awful
____ _¤__ *___ ____|____ ____ ____ ____
Good
Nice

Powerless
Little
____ ____ ____ ____|___* ___¤ ____ ____
Powerful
Big

Slow
Quiet
Inactive
____ ____ ____ ____|____*_¤__ ____ ____
Fast
Noisy
Active

Male observing
Actor: Devil,
Behavior: bribe,
Object person: God


Words for Devil's emotion:
lustful angry horny irate anxious mad emotional furious no emotion outraged
Cultural sentiment about Devil (¤) and impression resulting from event (*)

Bad
Awful
____ _¤__*____ ____|____ ____ ____ ____
Good
Nice

Powerless
Little
____ ____ ____ ____|____ __*¤ ____ ____
Powerful
Big

Slow
Quiet
Inactive
____ ____ ____ ____|____ _*__ ____ ____
Fast
Noisy
Active

Words for God's emotion:
overwhelmed melancholy fearful shocked sorry uneasy apprehensive awe-struck heavy-hearted discontented
Cultural sentiment about God (¤) and impression resulting from event (*)

Bad
Awful
____ ____ ____ ____|____ __*_ ____¤____
Good
Nice

Powerless
Little
____ ____ ____ ____|____*____ ____ __¤_
Powerful
Big

Slow
Quiet
Inactive
____ ____ ____ *_¤_|____ ____ ____ ____
Fast
Noisy
Active

Another set of tests I would probably do will be: "Osama bin Laden Crush Twin Tower" and "USA Invade Iraq" if the EPA were available. These are classical cases of how people shape their emotions to fit into their perceived roles.