Saturday, October 2, 2010 5:18:53 AM
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
-Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
-Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
-Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
-What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
-I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
-There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
-He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
-If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
-My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
-Press any key to continue - where's the any key?
-I hope I didn't brain my damage.
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
-If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
-I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
-I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-I never said most of the things I said.
-I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
-I spent a year in that town one Sunday.
-If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
-If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
-Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
-Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
-My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
-Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
-Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
-We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
-When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
-Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
-Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
-Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.
-Eternity is really long, especially near the end
-Experience is the fame every one gives to their mistakes.
-Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times.
-Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
-He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
-He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
-I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
-I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
-I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
-I just love Chinese food. My favourite dish is number 27.
-I love everything about you. Your lips, your eyes, your voice. The only thing I can't stand is you.
-I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.
-If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
-If it sells, it's art.
-In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
-In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
-My ex-husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.
-She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
-Thank God I'm an atheist.
-The Americans will always do the right thing . . . After they've exhausted all the alternatives.
-They misunderestimated me. -When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
-Tobacco kills its best customers..
-Alchohol kills slowy.........so wat who's in a hurry...??
-A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
-Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.
-Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
-Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
-Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day
-Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car
-I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
-I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. -People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world -I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
-You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life -I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! -Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning -Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. -Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
-I can resist everything except temptation.
-To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times.
-42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot -Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
-Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering -Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ... -All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
-Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't -USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough -Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem -Operator! Give me the number for 911 -Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. -There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't -Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back. -Summer is the season when the air pollution is much warmer
-A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
-Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
-Trouble defies the law of gravity. It's easier to pick up than to drop
-The latest new dance craze is called, "The Politician." It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep
-An alarm clock is a device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep.
-An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be
-Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality
-Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
-Free advice is the kind that costs you nothing unless you act upon it
-As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... -Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. -I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
-The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
-I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. -For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. -Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no? -Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. -You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? -If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. -Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !) -Death is hereditary. -An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. -Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. -Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. -If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark. -Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. -I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. -I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want? -Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids. -Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.
-I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
-Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
-Never judge a book by its movie.
-Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
-Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
-When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
-You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
-Learn from your parents' mistakes; use birth control.
-The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.
-Imay not love all the girls who loved me,but i respect their choice..
-Quitters never win, winners never quit. But who never quit and never win are idiots.
-Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.
-Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
-Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
-The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
-I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. -When women go wrong, men go right after them.
-It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
-I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality
-The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
-I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
-If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.
-Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
-Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-If you are going through hell, keep going.
-The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
-What year did Jesus think it was?
-Those who think they know everything, are very annoying to those who do really Know..
-Some people are alive because it's illegal to kill them
-I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I'm saying
-If U notice this notice u will notice that the notice u have noticed is not worth noticing..
-Some people are so open minded dat thier brains often fall out.
-If U r cute.. I m Single
-Save trees... ban Xams..
-I wanted to kill world's most smart person , but suicide is a crime..
-Nobody is perfect. I am Nobody. Therefore I am perfect.
-I'm not here right now, but if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone... buy me a cell phone.
-I am right 90% of the time. So why worry about the other 3%?
-Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again.
-I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not
-i speak many languages but english is t bestest
-A Good Girl Is Hard To Find But A Bad Gurl Is Hard To Resist!!!
-Take my advice...I don't need it anyways
-Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
-The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-School is cool, except for the whole going to class thing.
-I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. -A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.
-Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
-Why is it that it takes one careless match to start a forest fire but it takes the whole box to start a campfire.
-War doesnt determine who is right - only who is left.
-I used to think drinking was bad for me, so I gave up thinking.
-Why do people say life is short? What can you do longer than live?
-A fly just landed on my screen... I tried to right-click and delete it.
-Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
-I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
-A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
-Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. -Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Saturday, September 25, 2010 7:35:30 AM
Here Are The 25 Reasons Why You Should Start Drinking Green Tea Right Now:
1. Green Tea and Cancer Green tea helps reduce the risk of cancer. The antioxidant in green tea is 100 times more effective than vitamin C and 25 times better than vitamin E. This helps your body at protecting cells from damage believed to be linked to cancer.
2. Green Tea and Heart Disease Green tea helps prevent heart disease and stroke by lowering the level of cholesterol. Even after the heart attack, it prevents cell deaths and speeds up the recovery of heart cells.
3. Green Tea and Anti-Aging Green tea contains antioxidant known as polyphenols which fight against free radicals. What this means it helps you fight against aging and promotes longevity.
4. Green Tea and Weight Loss Green tea helps with your body weight loss. Green tea burns fat and boosts your metabolism rate naturally. It can help you burn up to 70 calories in just one day. That translates to 7 pounds in one year.
5. Green Tea and Skin Antioxidant in green tea protects the skin from the harmful effects of free radicals, which cause wrinkling and skin aging. Green tea also helps fight against skin cancer.
6. Green Tea and Arthritis Green tea can help prevent and reduce the risk of rheumatoid arthritis. Green tea has benefit for your health as it protects the cartilage by blocking the enzyme that destroys cartilage.
7. Green Tea and Bones The very key to this is high fluoride content found in green tea. It helps keep your bones strong. If you drink green tea every day, this will help you preserve your bone density.
8. Green Tea and Cholesterol Green tea can help lower cholesterol level. It also improves the ratio of good cholesterol to bad cholesterol, by reducing bad cholesterol level.
9. Green Tea and Obesity Green tea prevents obesity by stopping the movement of glucose in fat cells. If you are on a healthy diet, exercise regularly and drink green tea, it is unlikely you'll be obese.
10. Green Tea and Diabetes Green tea improves lipid and glucose metabolisms, prevents sharp increases in blood sugar level, and balances your metabolism rate.
11. Green Tea and Alzheimer's Green tea helps boost your memory. And although there's no cure for Alzheimer's, it helps slow the process of reduced acetylcholine in the brain, which leads to Alzheimer's.
12. Green Tea and Parkinson's Antioxidants in green tea helps prevent against cell damage in the brain, which could cause Parkinson's. People drinking green tea also are less likely to progress with Parkinson's.
13. Green Tea and Liver Disease Green tea helps prevent transplant failure in people with liver failure. Researches showed that green tea destroys harmful free radicals in fatty livers.
14. Green Tea and High Blood Pressure Green tea helps prevent high blood pressure. Drinking green tea helps keep your blood pressure down by repressing angiotensin, which leads to high blood pressure.
15. Green Tea and Food Poisoning Catechin found in green tea can kill bacteria, which cause food poisoning, and kills the toxins produced by those bacteria.
16. Green Tea and Blood Sugar Blood sugar tends to increase with age, but polyphenols and polysaccharides in green tea help lower your blood sugar level.
17. Green Tea and Immunity Polyphenols and flavenoids found in green tea help boost your immune system, making your health stronger in fighting against infections.
18. Green Tea and Cold and Flu Green tea prevents you from getting a cold or flu. Vitamin C in green tea helps you treat the flu and the common cold.
19. Green Tea and Asthma Theophylline in green tea relaxes the muscles which support the bronchial tubes, reducing the severity of asthma.
20. Green Tea and Ear Infection Green tea helps with ear infection problem. For natural ear cleaning, soak a cotton ball in green tea and clean the infected ear.
21. Green Tea and Herpes Green tea increases the effectiveness of topical interferon treatment of herpes. First green tea compress is applied, and then let the skin dry before the interferon treatment.
22. Green Tea and Tooth Decay Green tea destroys bacteria and viruses that cause many dental diseases. It also slows the growth of bacteria which leads to bad breath.
23. Green Tea and Stress L-theanine, which is a kind of amino acids in green tea, can help relieve stress and anxiety.
24. Green Tea and Allergies EGCG found in green tea relieves allergies. So, if you have allergies, you should really consider drinking green tea.
25. Green Tea and HIV Scientists in Japan have found that EGCG (Epigallocatechin Gallate) in green tea can stop HIV from binding to healthy immune cells. What this means is that green tea can help stop the HIV virus from spreading.
Monday, July 26, 2010 10:26:48 AM
Boy: Baby, we need to talk. Girl: Ricardo, what do u mean? Boy: Something has come up... Girl: What? What's wrong? Is it bad? Boy: I don't want to hurt you, baby. Girl: *Thinks* Oh my God, I hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much. Boy: Baby, are you there?? Girl: Yeah, I'm here. What is so important?? Boy: I'm not sure if I should say it.. Girl: Well, you already brought it up, so please just tell me. Boy: I'm leaving... Girl: Baby, what are u talking about?? I don't want you to leave me, I love you. Boy: Not like that, I mean I'm moving far away. Girl: Why? All of your famliy lives over here. Boy: Well, my father is sending me away to a boarding school far away. Girl: I can't believe this. [FATHER: (Picks up the other phone, interrupts & yells furiously ERICA!, what did I tell you about talking to boys?!!!... Get off the damn phone!! (And hangs up).] Boy: Wow, your father sounds really mad. Girl: You know how he gets, but anyways, I dont want you to go. Boy: Would you run away with me? Girl: Baby, you know I would, I would do anything for you, but I can't... You don't know what would happen if I did. My dad would kill me! Boy: *Sad* It's okay.. I understand, I guess.. Girl: *Thinking*I can't believe what's going on. Boy: I need to give you something tonite, because I am leaving on flight 1-80 in the morning, so I need to see you now. Girl: Okay, I will sneak out & meet you at the park. Boy: Okay, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes. [They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he gives her a note.] Boy: Here you go, this is for you. I gotta go. Girl: *Tear* (Begins to cry.) Boy: Baby, dont cry, you know I love you... But I have to go. Girl: Okay (Begins to walk away.) [They both go back home. And Erica begins to read the letter he gave her]
It says... "Erica, You probably already know that I'm leaving, I knew this would be better if I wrote a letter explaining the truth about how much I care about you. The truth is, is that I never loved you, I hated you so much, you are my bitch and dont you ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, and be around you. You really have no clue how much I hate you. Now that I'm leaving I thought you should know that I hate you, bitch. You never did the right thing, and you were never there. I didnt think I could hate someone as much as I hate you. And I never want to see you, for the rest of my life, I will never miss kissing you like before, I never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and that's a promise. You never had my love, and I want you to remember that. Bitch, you keep this letter because this may be the last thing you have from me. Fuck, I hate you so much. I will not talk to you soon bitch...
Goodbye. - Ricardo"
[ Erica begins to cry, she throws the paper in tha garbage & crys for hours ] ...
A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely... Then she gets a phone call.... Friend: How are you feeling? Girl: I just cant believe this happened.. I thought he loved me. Friend: Oh, about that. Ricardo left me a message. A few days ago. He told me to tell you to look in your jacket pocket or something... Girl: Umm.. okay. [She finds a piece of paper in the jacket,
It says: "Baby I hope you find this before you read my letter. I knew your dad might read it, so I switched a few words...
Hate = Love
Never = Always
Bitch = Baby
Will not= will ....
I hope you didn't take that seriously because I love you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats why I wanted you to run away with me... -Ricardo"] Girl: Oh my God! It's a letter.. Ricardo does love me!!, he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I can't believe how stupid I am!!
Friend: lol Okay but I g2g... Call me later. Girl: *happy*okay, bye, I'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me! ... Erica turns the T.V. on......
[Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young boys died, we are still searching for survivors... This is a tragedy we will never forget, this plane was flight 1-80... it was on its way to an all boys boarding school..." the Reporter says. [ She turns off the t.v. ... 3 days later, she kills herself, because of the fact that Ricardo was dead & she had nothing to live for... ] ... A day after that the phone rings. Nobody answers. It was Ricardo, he called to leave a message. "Its Ricardo, I guess you're not home so, I called to let you know that I'm alive, I missed my flight because I had to see you one last time. So, I hope your not worried. I am staying for good
Monday, July 26, 2010 10:19:30 AM
From the very Begining, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him. Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"
As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.
After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged. The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.
One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice...... The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.....it's still just silence cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer. With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy. With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.
A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You. With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.
Sunday, July 25, 2010 4:32:00 PM
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010 9:35:52 AM
While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground.
“That’s my son over there,” she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.
“He’s a fine looking boy” the man said.
“That’s my daughter on the bike in the white dress.” Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. “What do you say we go, Melissa?”
Melissa pleaded, “Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes.”
The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart’s content.
Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. “Time to go now?” Again Melissa pleaded, “Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes.”
The man smiled and said, “OK.” “My, you certainly are a patient father,” the woman responded.
The man smiled and then said, “Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I’d give anything for just five more minutes with him. I’ve vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa. She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike.
The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch her play.”
Life is all about making priorities, what are your priorities?
Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today!
Friday, April 16, 2010 4:12:18 AM
A famous inspirational speaker said: "Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife..."
Audience was in shock & silence.
He added: "She was my mother" Applause & laughter...
A top Manager tried to crack this at home after a drink, he said loudly to his wife, in kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife..."
standing for a moment trying to recall the 2nd half, he finally blurted out:
"I cant remember who she was..."
By the time he regained his senses, he was on a hospital bed recovering from burns of boiling water..
Moral: "Don't copy if u cant paste."
Friday, April 16, 2010 4:10:05 AM
When the great library of Alexandria burnt, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book. A poor man, who could read a little, bought it for a few coppers.
The book wasn't very interesting, but between its pages there was something very interesting. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the "TOUCHSTONE"
The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold.
The writing explained that it was lying among thousands & thousands of other pebbles looking exactly alike. But the secret was: The real stone would be warm, while ordinary pebbles were cold.
So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the sea-shore & began testing the pebbles.
He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles & threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick the same pebble hundreds of times. So he picked cold pebbles one by one & on finding it was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the TOUCHSTONE. nevertheless, he went on & on, Picking a pebble, finding it cold - throwing it in the sea.
The days stretched into weeks & the weeks into months.
One day, however, about mid-afternoon, he picked up a pebble & it was warm. He threw it into the sea before realizing what he had done. He had, by now, formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea. So is with opportunities. Unless one is vigilant, one fails to recognize an opportunity when it is in hand & just throws away.
Friday, April 16, 2010 4:06:06 AM
A teacher teaching Maths to five-year-old student asked him, "If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”Within a few seconds the student replied confidently, "Four!"
The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three). She was disappointed. "Maybe the child did not listen properly," she thought. She repeated, "My boy, listen carefully. If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?"
The student had seen the disappointment on his teacher's face. He calculated again on his fingers. But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make the teacher happy. His search for the answer was not for the correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy. This time hesitatingly he replied, "Four…"
The disappointment stayed on the teacher's face. She remembered that this student liked strawberries. She thought maybe he doesn't like apples and that is making him loose focus. This time with an exaggerated excitement and twinkling in her eyes she asked, "If I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one strawberry, then how many you will have?"
Seeing the teacher happy, the boy calculated on his fingers again. There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher. She wanted her new approach to succeed. With a hesitating smile the student enquired, "Three?"
The teacher now had a victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded. She wanted to congratulate herself. But one last thing remained. Once again she asked him, "Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?"
Promptly the student answered, "Four!" The teacher was aghast. "How my boy, how?" she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice. In a voice that was low and hesitating young student replied, "Because I already have one apple in my bag."
Moral of the Story:
When someone gives you an answer that is different from what you expect, don't think they are wrong. There maybe an angle that you have not understood at all. You will have to listen and understand, but never listen with a predetermined notion.
Friday, April 16, 2010 4:01:57 AM
There was a village in a kingdom. There was living a milkman.
His name was Deenu. He had built his hut far away from his village, in the woods.
He loved the quietness of the woods rather than the noisy atmosphere of the village. He lived in his hut with his two cows.
He fed them well and took proper care of them. Everyday he took the two cows to a nearby lake to bath them. The two cows gave more milk. With the milk that the two cows gave, he earned enough money to live happily. Deenu was an honest man.
Though he was content, at times he would be restless. “There is so much wrong and evil in this world. Is there nobody to guide the people?” this thought made his sad every now and then.
One evening, the ignorant man, Deenu was returning home after selling milk in the village. He saw a saint sitting under a tree and meditating.
He slowly walked up to him and waited for the saint to open his eyes. He was happy to be with the saint for some time. He decided to wait there itself till the saint opened his eyes.
After a while, the saint slowly opened his eyes. He was surprised to see a man patiently sitting beside him.
“What do you want?” asked the saint humbly.
“I want to know what the path to Truth and Piety is?
Where shall I find Honesty?” asked Deenu. The saint smiled and said, “Go to the pond nearby and ask the fish the same question. She will give you the answer.”
Then as asked to do, the ignorant man, Deenu went to the nearby pond and asked the same question to the fish. The fish said, “O kind man! First, bring me some water to drink.” Deny was surprised. He said, “You live in water. But you still want water to drink? How strange!”
At this moment, the fish replied, “You are right. And that gives you the answer to your question as well. Truth, Piety and honesty are inside the heart of a man.
But being ignorant, he searches for them in the outer world.
Instead of wandering here and there, look within yourself and you will find them.” This gave an immense satisfaction, He thanked the fish and walked home wiser.
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