Every Nice Sunday Afternoon

well, I kept 10.64 for a few days then re upped to 12.13 and all is well; I do crazy maintenance and security on my systems and run CCleaner several times a day if I'm using my caches with my apps so much I find they crash and I have to empty them so CCleaner does a fast job. I do a lot of security scans too, haven't had malware in awhile thank God. I'm the queen of getting rid of it, have saved a few laptops with MajorGeeks recommendations and Combofix etc instructions. Don't know what it was. Could have been my IP. All is well now. Just uploaded my Feb album to my.opera.net/flapper1 site. 98 for Feb so far. Been manic, you see. So sick of this up and down, have a referral to a new psychiatrist in town so I can get back on my Lithium. Maybe I can settle. I get so worked up over stuff, as well you know. Thanx for putting up with me dear!

my problem mostly is PaintDotNet crashing; I think I fill the thumbnail cache and I have no idea how to clear it but CCleaner does. Then I can go for another while before it starts acting up again, I know it's about to go out on me. I save every few steps, but I have been in a situation where I've lost quite a bit of mucking about with an image and PDN crashes and I lose it all and have to start over. So, if I stop every so often and run CC, and save religiously, I don't lose time. I know, I'm pretty caught up on losing things - I think, we lost our home, our RV, our boat, our vehicles, and now I've pretty much lost my husband, since he works out of state, all due to the economy. Now I've lost my caretaker, he's in Alabama, don't know when he'll be back and I have issues with doing anything - get really frustrated very easily and hardly start anything whether it's cleaning or organizing, make it worse rather than better but have good intentions, just can't seem to carry them out. and to think I used to run and ICU post open heart unit. 10 years of that after a few as an ICU floor nurse. Quit 10 years ago this May due to the arthritis, and I had 15 years in at the hospital, went agency for another 2 years, did a few hospitals and a couple nursing homes but had to even quit that, and hubby couldn't keep a job so everything went and off he went. No work around here. That's it in a nutshell why I'm such a nut.

wow. financial times are bad but worse I suppose elsewhere. Was reading about (I know I'm weird) the plagues that are still rampant in parts of Africa and surprisingly other parts of the world, Bubonic, Pneumonic, skin murots, fleas from camels, peoples who endure what we cannot imagine.. There also I was reading an ancient DNA repository in, sit down, Ontario. Attempts to Un-extinct so to speak several species. Lots dependent...can you find a suitable host mother who can carry? or is the species, such as the giant sloth, too large a birth size for the modern sloth to carry? bring back a woolly mammoth when the current elephant situation is critical? all I know is the Carolina Parakeet and Passenger Pigeon is first and foremost on my birthday list. Thank you for your thoughts, hope your day to day life and your walks outdoors this spring will be pleasant. Can't you come pick me up and we shall walk in the sunshine? I'm just across the bridge. Luv ya, kat

trains~! cool! my daddy worked for Illinois Central Railroad when he was young. I recall his blue and white striped switchmans' hat.

awwwwww choo choo Charlie! Got ur Good n Plenties?

Daddy from Heron, mommy from Macedonia, between Benton and McLeansboro; close to Mt Vernon. Came up around 1950 to work at Inland Steel in East Chicago, IN in the transportation division, I was born in Hammond in 52, we moved to Gary in 54. I's a hood wench. Hammond, the projects. Gary, the little square 2 bedroom steel town housing. " I been workin on the railroad all the livelong day... I been workin on the railroad just to pass the time of day, don't you hear the whistle blowin rise up so early in the morn, don't ya hear the captain shoutin Dinah blow your horn! Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah, someone's in the kitchen I knowwwww, Someone's in the kitchen with DINAHHHHH strummin on the old banjo and singin fee fi fiddlie i o,,,fee fi fiddlie i o o o o, Fee Fi fiddlie i ohhhhhh strummin on the old banjo." uh, sorry there. got carried away. Daddy taught me that.

thank you Crysta my dear friend! Been watching Ellen Degeneres on YouTube and some music all freaking night~ near 5 now, still not sleepy but best get some rest I guess... hope you have some nice things planned for Mem. weekend..just another day after day here. My caretaker is very sick, delusional, he has post traumatic stress disorder from VietNam and it has been hitting him hard now I'm not getting much sleep, listening for him to start babbling to invisible people who give him advice and he has whole conversations with them. This has been off and on since January. I called his dr office couple months ago as he was on his way there for a ck up and told them what he was going thru. he came back with an antibiotic. last time I try and help that way. He took off last night bout this time, I was asleep and the police woke me up calling me on his phone, he was hallucinating at the gas station. So they wouldn't let him drive, had taken his keys, brought him home. He was madder than a hatter. Banged around awhile then went thank god to bed so i slept most of the day. Don't know what to do if this gets worse. My husband is out of the picture, filed for divorce (papers went into the trashcan oooops) so he's no help. Suppose I could call one of his brothers. He needs eval on inpatient basis but since this is off and on it's hard to catch. oh well, could be worse. It's MAY and my dog loves me. So I'm good.

thank you; he doesn't believe the auditory hallucinations are coming from his own brain. They are generated from the right hemisphere, projected to the hearing center on the left side and perceived as if incoming voices from outside the body. I just happen to be reading a book right now that addresses just that, a reprisal and responses by many top authorities in their fields of related expertise to the theory made famous 30 years ago when I was in college by Julian Jaynes - the book he wrote then is still in print and called The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. I was just yesterday discussing the theory with Graham Hancock, famous investigative reporter and writer of such books as Fingerprints of the Gods and Supernatural and many more. He's a bit skeptical of the theory as he read Jaynes in the past but plans to read the book I recommended to him that I'm now into: Reflections on the Dawn of Consciousness; that's why I understand what Urey (my caretaker) is going through...in this book it mentions the fact and cites the symptomatology of post war veterans and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder many of them suffer from - and delusions, hallucinations both visual and auditory are very much a part of this syndrome. He is a veteran of infantry in the "war" in VietNam. Well, I'm certain you didn't want to know any of this but it's after 5 a.m. and I've swung into my manic phase, therefore I babble on. Sorry, hope you have a nice weekend! best to you, kat

thank you dear one...no xanax! I would jump out of my skin. that feeling you get in your midsection just before the car hits you? I have it all the time. supposedly a chemical imbalance with adrenaline or something, since the sensation is from the adrenal glands that sit on top of each kidney. I avoid caffeine at all costs, rare sugar, rare salt, no processed food, love dairy, rare meat, lots fruit/veg mostly fresh, very rare starch. STILL screwed six ways to sunday. Caretaker better, he was delusional for 5 months...but going to move next spring/summer with my daughter in Chicago when she and her hubby get perm positions somewhere with lower cost of living as they are expecting their 3rd plus me. At least I have an income...all baby will have is an outflow lol....later! Go to www.pictify.com/user/icu109, just spend days on it. AND have been manic...got to get back to the dr for lithium but hate the trips out for psych and lab levels that go with it...but I'm either awake all the time or asleep all the time, when awake the anxiety and manic, and OCD sets in and i can't stop what I'm doing...oh well gonna stop now...luv ya kat applause for your healthy attitude and all your knowledge and fortitude.