Thursday, 3. July 2008, 10:30:53
worn out, degenerative spine, CFS, school prac
...
I'm not in a good way. Although I began my week of prac in a positive manner, it's been pretty much all downhill from there. Yesterday and today were the worst, as far as depression was concerned. I was pretty much reduced to 
and let's just say I didn't have lunch in the staff room. I spent my lunch break alone and another ten minutes in the bathroom trying to look normal.
I know, that sounds so lame... I was not expecting to get posted to a grade 5/6 class and that is part of the problem. Now, my future is very uncertain because I don't think that I am going to get a very good report back. I may fail my prac. 
It all started because I have a thing about kids rocking on chairs. As some of you readers may know, I almost lost my eldest son when he fell off his chair a few years ago. It was only by chance that we realised something was wrong and were able to get to him in time to save him.
This was a traumatic event for me and, unfortunately, with all my anxieties and what not, I tend to be highly sensitive to these kinds of things. The other thing I am big on is respect - something that children refuse to show their elders these days. I am trying to teach the students, in the small time that I am there, that it is important to show respect.
I want the students to like me, but I also want them to understand that I mean business when I ask them to do something (or stop doing something). Some of the boys like to wear hoods or caps in class - which in itself is a sign of disrespect. People should not wear hats indoors. I suppose I just wanted my colleague teacher to notice that I was trying to encourage respect. She sees it more as a "power trip" (her words, not mine) and I took offense to that because that is certainly not what I am about.
Anyway, I did talk to her about it today and she said she was going to speak to the principal and to my senior lecturer about it. She doesn't seem to think that I can cope with being a teacher. When someone makes that kind of assumption, it begins to make me wonder if I am making yet another big mistake. I have made so many in my life, but I am not getting any younger and unless I get my act together soon, it might just be too late.
My main concern is that I don't want to end up back in the Spencer Clinic like I was last year 
. That sucked. My only other options are all extremely negative, the worst of which could be 
.
I think that a 
has more intelligence than me at the moment... I just feel like and 
and 
. Yes, yes... All melodramatic, I know. I can't even begin to tell you all what my life is like. With all the chronic illnesses, the degenerative spine, the hips, knees and mental disorders... I am like the frickin' Wreck of the Hesperus...
I'm just worried that I am a ticking 
, waiting to go off... and the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone that I 
or even remotely care about. In fact, I would sooner harm myself than anyone....
I almost deleted this post, but screw it. It serves as a reminder that not everyone's lifes are 
Later...
Friday, 27. June 2008, 08:56:54
Bible study, Facebook, Hyundai Getz
So, it's the end of the week and I have been trying to sort out the computers and get things ready for Prac next week. After meeting my Colleague teacher, I don't feel so nervous about going on Prac.
I have bought a new external hard drive for the PC's for back ups and will probably be doing a lot of cleaning up of my computers over the next few months. I have removed a whole lot of stuff from my laptop that I just don't use at the moment.
MCMIL ended up getting a Hyundai Getz, a silver one (her 3rd silver car in a row), and will be taking delivery of it next week. In the meantime, the guys at Hyundai have leant her a car to zip around until the other one arrives in Tassie. Apparently it's coming across from the mainland.
Anyway, I am off to check out Facebook again, and then get back into some ready. Friday night is Sabbath night, so it's Bible studies for me tonight... Someday, I might find some people to join in... It would be good for open debate and discussion...
Ciao!
Monday, 23. June 2008, 10:53:05
New Cars, Bible study, religion
I am exhausted. Today was fairly relaxed... Until this afternoon. I went with MCMIL to check out the prices of new cars. Ouch! Expensive... However, we might be able to swing a deal if she can find a car she likes. It all depends on whether or not she wants to buy a brand new one after writing off the Lanos. Personally, I think she is better off buying a new one, because of warranty and the like. In the end, however, it is ultimately her decision.
Anyway, I'm going to do some Bible study tonight for something different... I have a 12 lesson plan here from the UCG, so I am going to go through that and see what it is like. I have ordered other Bible lesson plans from other churches. Like they say, you can never have too much information. It's easier for me to sort the chaff from the straw, so to speak.
Nothing else much to report. Wednesday is the big day this week, when I get to meet my colleague teacher. So I will be happy to share that experience with you all.
Ciao!
Sunday, 22. June 2008, 11:41:39
Prac, photographs, Facebook
I love Sunday... I get to lay around all day, pretty much. Wait a minute, I do that everyday anyway. Darn my stupid knees, back and hips... Anyway, I got it pretty easy today. I found some photos to upload to Facebook and in doing so, I also managed to track down some others I thought I had lost, so that is a good thing.
I have been having lots of fun on Facebook, just keeping in touch with people I know. I still love my Opera Blog, as you can see, I am adding to it somewhat frequently these last few days, so don't think I have abandoned this. I am trying to divide my time equally to different projects, so that I can share my time around.
Not long to go now... A week until Prac starts...
Ciao
Saturday, 21. June 2008, 09:02:08
Bible, friends, false religion, religion
...
I've been having some pretty bad dreams lately. I had one this afternoon which was particularly disturbing. I won't go into it, except to say it involved mysterious signs, paranormal activity and made me want to take anxiety pills when I woke up. I am happy to say, I abstained from relying on the pills and had a coffee instead.
I've also been spending my awake time today doing a bit of Bible study. It's interesting to see how different denominations interpret the Bible. Of course, I don't judge how other people interpret their religious views - but I do worry about the ones who fail to look to the past and use historical accounts to back up their beliefs. Of course, some religious organisations forbid their members from doing any such thing and many are allowed to read only the material that their church provides them with. I think this is a shame, because they are not given the full picture.
There are some religious organisations out there that are plainly determined to control their flock through fear and ignorance, and that makes me wonder if 
isn't involved in the whole thing.
After all, the Bible does speak of counterfiet churches and one of there are plenty of them if one has eyes to see them. I truly believe that there is a lot to be said for using texts of Ancient History to delve deeper into examining the truth behind many of these so-called 'churches'... It bothers me that in some instances, there are some extremely wealthy individuals out there who use the faith of many to surround themselves in luxury and opulence. Such people are engaging in stealing from their very congregations and I find this reprehensible. 
I am yet to discover a church here in my local area that I find is suitable with my belief structure. It's very sad really, but I suppose as long as I have for my neighbours and a trust in Christ, then I am a part of God's 
... No doubt, it may come as a surprise to some people that read my blog that I do believe in Jesus Christ as the Saviour of mankind; and that there is a God.
It doesn't mean I am going to preach to people or try to convert people. I try to live my life as well as I can, given the circumstances and like every other human being, I am not infallible. I make mistakes. I do really dumb things - and of course, everyone sins at least once a day, whether they are conscious of it or not... That's the point of being human. We can't help it.
I didn't mean for this to become one of those kinds of posts. Although I'm not sorry that it is. Today is the day I like to set aside for Sabbath - Friday nights and Saturdays, sunset to sunset. I'm not a 7th Day Adventist or anything like that - I just take what I understand from the Bible and try to apply it.
So, not much has been happening today. I have been doing a lot of reading, some sleeping and sampling of Banana and Choc-chip cookies, which Mrs. made. The twins have been in here jumping on the bed and getting tickles and dancing in front of the mirror.
I found a couple more friends on Facebook, which is really good. I am happy about that; one is a relative who is practically like a brother to me 
, and the other may as well be. She is like a sister to us. So that is cool. She knows who I am talking about... 
Okay, this is long... So I am going to go do some more Facebooking and then some more reading and I might even get some dinner somewhere along the line.
Ciao!
Friday, 20. June 2008, 09:05:56
television, exhaustion, Facebook
I'm exhausted again. I want to just lay here and blob out tonight. Mrs. and I went and did the grocery shopping and we also bought her some extra RAM for her computer. It's working so much better now it has 2GB rather than 1GB.
Anyway, I've been hanging out lots in Facebook, chatting, gaming and what not. I'm fairly knackered tonight, so I'm going to log out now and maybe watch some idiot box and then do some quiet relaxation and reading.
Thursday, 19. June 2008, 12:30:18
Jesus Christ, Professional Experience, Jehovah's Witnesses, Kung Fu Panda
I finally got my Professional Experience placement information today. I can't wait. I will be assigned to a year 5/6 combined class, so it's going to be very interesting. I've been waiting all week for this information, and I have organised to meet my colleague teacher next week.
This is great news. I was kind of nervous calling up and talking to her; which is pretty ridiculous, but it's the first time I am going into an environment for two weeks where I will be expected to do quite a lot of observation and expected to run some practical exercises. It's going to be fun...
I just hope that I can keep myself together and be Zen about it.
Speaking of Zen... My JW friend dropped by today. I was kind of expecting him to bring his wife along, because I had been talking to her on the telephone last night and she mentioned that she had asked her husband if she could come along but for some reason or another, she has not been... And did not come today either. I like these folks as people. I will not be converting to being a Jehovah's Witness, but I do appreciate the genuine attitude that they have and the courage they have in going from home to home in an attempt to preach the Word. Whether it is the correct version of the Word is debatable, but like I said, I like them as people.
I am not sure if they just drop around in a vain attempt to hope I might have a moment of weakness and convert or something... Or if they are just genuinely happy to come along and debate scripture. I'm hedging towards the former, which is a shame. I would like to think that they could see that the guy who started their religion made false prophecy after false prophecy. Why they blindly follow only the literature of their own Watchtower organisation I will never understand. One needs to read the Bible to understand it, not read material that poses questions and then answers them in the context in which the Watchtower bosses deem them to be answered. No doubt they are dedicated and biblical scholars to some extent, but a lot of their belief systems, such as the idea that Jesus Christ returned to earth invisibly in 1914, doesn't wash with me. 
Anyway, enough about me.... I took the two eldest kids to see 'Kung Fu Panda' tonight and they loved it. It was a funny movie, but unfortunately, these days they tend to show the funniest parts in the trailers - there are still, however, some very good parts to the movie. I would give it 4 out of 5 or so.
Ciao!
Wednesday, 18. June 2008, 04:12:46
Bruce Whatley, car accident, Wynyard, Cowboy Pirate
...
This morning started out okay. I took part in the 'Reading Rave' at Wynyard Primary School and had put together my kit to take along. I was reading "Cowboy Pirate" by Bruce Whatley. I managed to get to Wynyard in time, only to find out that there are two campuses and that I was at the wrong one!!
Nevermind... I got back in my car and drove to the correct campus and had a great half-day there, reading the same story over a five or so times. It was a great practical experience and the kids seemed to enjoy the story and that was my aim.
When that was over, I decided to stop at Doctor's Rocks and give Mrs. a call to find out if she wanted to go into town. That's when she told me that MCMIL had been in a minor car accident, (if you call rolling your car on a highway "minor"), and that I would be better off coming home so we could figure out what to do. Poor MCMIL, she hates it when people fuss over her and hates not having her independence... The fact that apparently at least the front of her car is a write off means that she is going to be without it for quite some time. 
She hates that idea entirely.
I told her she could rely on us, but she says she doesn't want to have to. Well, that's just too bad, because we are going to take care of her until she is okay again. She is going to bruise up pretty bad and her hand looks pretty swollen and messed up. I think she might be putting on the brave face and all, but that she is really feeling quite sore and is too proud to say anything. That is why I want to be extra vigilant about it.
So, for now, I might be a little busy to post over the next few days, but I will try to in any case. MCMCIL blames herself for the accident; apparently she swerved to avoid hitting some critter crossing the highway. I don't mean to be cruel, but if it's smaller than a horse or 
, it's going under my wheels, (unless it's a human being). My advice, don't swerve for small animals, it could lead to your premature or hospitalisation.
Ciao.
PS: Still haven't heard about Prac Placement... I am trying not to think about it. Uni is driving me crazy at the moment, but there is nothing I can do about it except enjoy my holidays...
Monday, 16. June 2008, 05:37:14
Bible, reading, Facebook, meditation
Since discovering Facebook I have become addicted. This is not a good sign. I have signed off it just now and am going to do some light reading and then have a nap. I have to say that I do like Facebook because a lot of the guys and gals from Uni are on there and it's kind of cool knowing that I am a part of that little community. It's also a good way of getting touch with people that one may not have seen for a long time... Ohhhh, I just had a thought. I might be able to track down some old friends that I have not heard from in a while.
Anyway, not much to report here. I have been doing some reading today, both Biblical and meditational. I have so much to read and you know me, I am a big reader of all things. It's just deciding on what I feel like reading at any one particular given moment.
I just wanted to post... Let me know if any of you are on Facebook and I will add you to my list, if you let me know how to find you.
Cheers!
Sunday, 15. June 2008, 00:57:08
Facestat, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Facebook
I forgot to post yesterday. Actually, I was thinking of doing it, and then I got all caught up in the whole Facestat thing and ... Well, I kind of got sucked into posting on that and fooling around with it. I'm not one to take it all that seriously though... Someone said that I looked like a kidnapper. That was in a picture where I was holding my daughter. Nice. Anyway, I finally finished reading Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's 'Change your thoughts - Change your life', so I am going to start putting that into practice, by starting back at the beginning. It has already helped me a great deal in the way that I think about things.
Well, this is a short post today. I am a bit tired and sore. My normal pillows are in the wash, so I have had to sleep on the 'space bricks' and quite frankly, they do NOT conform to the shape of my head or neck. Consequently, I feel awful.
I'll be getting rid of them as soon as my other pillows are dry. In the meantime, I am going to take a look at Facebook for something to do.
Cheers!
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