Indigo Myst's Page

Hadn't felt much lately, probably as a result of a previous downer mood. Last night sitting there just chilling out and thinking about things, had that feeling I get when I know they are around.... For me it could be a number of things... often with higher ones though it's a feeling at the top of my head at my crown chakra.

So I decided to grab a couple of decks of cards, and pulled 3 from each. Ya know when you are getting a clear message and need to listen, when the cards from two completely separate and different decks pull out the exact same meaning cards. And what's more - they were in the exact same order! Definitely can't put that down to just coincidence.

Then this morning when I was blowdrying my hair of all things (although not the first time I get messages when in bathroom having a shower or getting ready lol). I got a clear impression and message about a friends mum. Not someone I've seen too often but know she is a spiritual person. Anyway - figured she needed to hear what I got and felt it was important so messaged my friend who I knew was staying at her mums this week. Turns out it was just what she wanted to know as she's been feeling a little lost lately. I love it when that happens. Made her day and know she got some healing from it, and I felt good giving her that. More importantly I was very grateful to be aware enough and open enough to receive it and understand the need to send it on.

Walking about, searching, seeking
for those who have no mask.
while all around faces leering, faces laughing,
faces sneering.
Some look friendly...
Are you friend, or are you foe?
Some seem so,
until they pull away the mask they wear.
Time goes on and still she seeks.
Darkness begins to creep all around
making the faces seem more sinister.
Now she stumbles.
Weariness seeps into her soul
Tired of all the lies.
Tired of being pushed aside.
Tired of many faces.
Hope begins to fade.

But still she goes on.

.......


Are you listening?
I need to talk as I have problems.
But don't give advice, because I wont listen.
You need to listen to me! Are you listening?

What problems do you have?
Don't be silly, you don't have anything important
I don't want to hear what your issues are
You need to listen to me.
Are you listening?

Don't give advice I said. Just sit there and listen.
My issues are more important. I always have issues.
Just shut up and listen.
And don't bother me
I wont respond
You need to be around when I want you though
So just shut up and listen.
I said... Are you listening?

............

These are just some ramblings, on things I have come across on more than one occasion. People wearing masks to hide their true nature. Something I have even displayed... although it's usually wearing a happy face when really I want to either beat the living crap out of someone, or whilst in the deepest moments of depression. Mind you this is usually as a result of the second rambling... being a sounding board for someone who constantly bitches about this and that and always seems to have one drama after another going on in their life. Come across as friends initially but then you end up being just a punching bag for them and who don't value your insight, or thoughts. Or heaven forbid you want to talk about something to them, because they don't give a rats about what you are going through and only want you to pay attention to them and their issues, after all theirs are far more important. :-\

I've certainly had a few of these one way friendships, okay I've had wayyyyy way more than any person's fair share. At first you think they are a friend and don't see it, but then you start to finally see the truth of the situation. Obviously it took me a looong time to start learning my lesson. But I just kept hoping that the next one would be better or different. For years I just stumbled around also thinking that it was just me,and I didn't have much confidence either, nor did I ever say no. I was a 'users' dream back then. And then of course being a complete sap and always wanting to help others didn't do me any favors either.

Probably why I only have a couple of whom I consider good friends these days. Ya just get tired of being used and then tossed aside until they want to suck you dry again. Probably why I also come across as reserved or stand-offish at times too.

Now I'm beginning to wonder though if that's stopping any future friendships? As soon as I start to see that "you need to listen to me all the time" thing happening I back right off and distance myself.

Wouldn't it be nice if people were just up front and honest, and stopped hiding behind masks.

While I'm on a roll, I'm getting pissed off with mixed signals from people, one minute they talk to you and the next they completely ignore you. What the hell is with that? If you don't like me - just say so. Simple! Not really that hard I would have thought. If I have done or said something to upset you... THEN SAY SO!!! Just stop the BS. Personally I think it is unfair to the person on the receiving end... namely me of course in this situation. I really dislike sitting there thinking what the hell have I don't wrong and what's going on etc..

People wonder why I am so quiet usually too...(I know, hard to believe with how I articulate in words right?) well it's because either I don't have anything constructive to say, or are just simply listening to get a feel of a situation before I open up. Other times its because I am fully aware that they don't want to hear what I have to say, like above, they just want a sounding board and don't want any real two way discussion. And then there are those situations where you feel completely uncomfortable, or out of your depth, and those where and can sense all sorts of weird and mixed messages that you don't know how to interpret clearly, so you sit there trying to work it out or it's just better left unsaid because your instincts tell you to.

Oh wait... ohhhh yeah here's a good one... can't forget those times where you the odd one out, the third person, or there on your own and don't really know those around you and who all sit and talk in their own little groups. Oh I just loooove those situations.. Nothing like sitting there feeling like an idiot and you might as well not exist. And it's just sooo great for the ol' confidence levels too, especially when you try to participate and be friendly and get a conversation going only to be snubbed, or you see that look of a polite smile before they turn and go back talking to their friend(s) etc. Then of course the person you are there for, is either too busy or gone off with others, but you want to be there for them. You soon start feeling like you should just go before you get really depressed and let the feelings of isolation take over. what the hell, you wouldn't me missed right? But if you do go early, will you be bitched about later etc?

Hmmm... no wonder I am single and don't go out much.

Perhaps this mood and ramblings is due to the time of year. Yet another Christmas alone (single). I feel like I'm an alien or some weird species not encountered before, that brings the feelings of isolation out even more. I don't want pity I just want to know the truth, what is really wrong with me? Well okay besides my physical appearance obviously. Sometimes I think I must be really freaking hideous.

Well... I'm all depressed now.

Eh - I'll shake it off. The one good thing in my life is my son, even if he does drive me completely insane some times, he's a joy and keeps me going.

The other night I was sitting on the computer just playing a silly facebook game, and I kept having this thought... "practice random acts of kindness". It's not a new concept and i've certainly done it more than a few times in my life. But I wouldn't say i've done too much over the past few years. In fact hardly at all!

In a previous ramble on here, I went on about what the world is coming to... and it's not pleasant... then I kept thinking of that movie "Pay it forward". If you haven't seen it - it's a must! It's About a young boy who has an idea for a school project that ends up dramatically changing the lives of many people. For me it was an incredibly profound movie.

It's re-ignited the spark of wanting to do something to help a complete stranger, wherever, whenever without any thought of "what's in it for me". Let's face it - we all have those thoughts at times. I generally don't but I would be lying if I said I was like that all the time. I don't think anyone can say they do it all the time without expecting something in return.

It seems to be a product of today's society. Always wanting more, not wanting to do something unless there is something in it for them. It's really quite selfish. Sure there are times you need to be that little selfish... but to what extent? I think doing what is right for you... as long as it doesn't hurt anyone or have consequences against others is great... and nothing wrong there at all... but when we start putting a price tag of some sort to it - that's where it falls down and the cycle of greed and selfishness starts.

Everywhere you look it's happening. But look at it this way... what would happen if each of us just practiced 3 random acts of kindness to 3 different people, and all we said in return was to pay it forward?? There is no pressure, it's now up to those 3 people. If just one of those persons did the same... could we get it to start a wave of change - so subtle at first that becomes a global phenomenon?

Okay- I know I probably sound completely out there and unrealistic, but if no-one had that one initial spark to try, then none of the great things in life today would have happened. We would still be living in the dark ages.

There is always that element of hope. And it's often those ideas that are "out-there" that start things up. I know this isn't a new idea... but I think it's a valuable reminder of just where we are going if we don't do anything.

This brings me to my next issue in, What are we coming to?

Gadgets, computers, social networking sites... I believe are actually making people more rude, unsociable and disintegrating social face-to-face activities. It also makes it a great avenue for people to "cop-out" of actually saying something to someone via face to face or even on the phone, funny enough.

Heaven forbid people actually get the nerve to say something openly to someone if they have an issue... noooo... it seems far too easy to make a comment indirectly on a social network site. Then of course this can start the whole "bitch wars" that go on these sites. Or leave people thinking... "Was that directed at me? Did i do or say something wrong?".

Then or course you spend so much of your time on the computer, or text messaging without any actual direct contact. Personally I don't see that as communication in its greatest form. It's far too easy to misinterpret the meaning behind messages and people aren't sure in what context they are meant, because they can't see the facial expression behind it or hear the tone in which it is voiced.

I've seen it happening quite a lot, and it makes me wonder what are our children going to be like when they grow up? Will they develop any acceptable social skills to deal with people directly? I'm beginning to believe they won't. It's already happening now with today's teenagers. And of course then they see their parents or other adults spend all their time glued to a computer or their face in the phone texting people... and on mindless crap half the time.

Where is the joy in getting together with friends, having a laugh and just talking openly these days?

This used to occur on a regular basis and when I was younger we did it daily! Now, it's a once in a while thing, and then half the time they are busy on their phone that they might as well not be there half the time. A few times, fine, but when it's constant, that's when I think it's an issue. There's no "excuse me, just have to answer this, or just have to message back".... nope - just pick up that phone and ignore everything else around ya.

I like the more direct approach... if you have an issue - say it... face to face even better. And then move on. No use holding on to things and letting it stew inside till it eats you away. I'd like to think my friends know this, hell i've said it often enough! Okay, so it might not be appreciated at the time, but if you say it direct, and you certainly don't need to be a bitch about it... but at least it's out there and it's opens the door to further communication and resolving things.

If I was doing something wrong, or said something wrong. I sure as hell would like to know about it. How the heck are we going to look at ourselves, if no-one has the balls to say anything?

Don't use another forum to say an indirect comment and think that it's okay... because it's really not. It's not going to resolve anything at all and just brings further feelings of disquiet. That's where relationships/friendships can break down.

Here is where I see we as parents/adults can change our behaviour to help our children utilise the technology of today, but not take away that all important skill of face to face communication. Make an avid point to take the time to have face to face contact with them. Turn all the crap off, put that damn phone down, and just sit there and talk and have fun. And if you are doing something and they want attention - let them join in. Don't ignore them or keep pushing them away!

If you have a message, then say "excuse me, just need to reply to this". If it's not urgent tell the person on the other end in a quick message you will speak to them later? And get back to what you were talking about with your kids, family and friends.

I'm no saint here, I'm guilty of some of it too. But I guess my point is, I'm being more aware and adopting changes... because of what I see so often and what I don't like about it. I try to make sure I don't do the very same thing.

In conclusion... my thoughts are to again start practicing random acts of kindness with no thought of "what's in it for me" and perhaps.. just maybe... it will catch on and help the world become a better place. And keep up the lines of face-to-face communication with family and friends. Do not allow technology to take over basic human social needs and etiquette. Go back to a more face-to-face element. I certainly don't want to see my son become some mindless drone, addicted to technology where he can't even voice his opinions openly and discuss issues in a direct and sensitive way.

Phew - well that's my ramble for today

Wow - a month since last post? It's been a pretty hectic time, that's for sure. With the move finally over, then hassles at work and last week I spent the entire week in Darwin on a course for work.

I must say though, it was excellent, and probably just what I needed. Even though the course was pretty intense and full on, it was stimulating and the time away to somewhere I've never been was wonderful. I want to go back to Darwin again, but this time as a tourist and have to chance to have a good look around and do the usual touristy things. The atmosphere there is just wonderful. The people are diverse, it's laid back and the constant stream of backpackers gives it a unique vibrancy. The indigenous locals have their art displayed all over which is of such a high quality, I might add, and they are just so much different than down here. They are quite funny and warm really. Well at least that's what I saw anyway.

After 7 days away, I was so excited to spend the last couple of days of the long weekend with my son. We had a great time too. Of course I did manage to squeeze in some souvenir shopping and the little goobie was quite happy with all his new gifts I bought back.

Today we went to a local craft fair, and I managed to get a psychic reading. I know... really? I have a friend who is a medium so why would I need it? But still it's nice to go to someone who doesn't know you and see what they get.

She was pretty spot on about many things about myself, instantly picking up with the healing, massage and counselling abilities. That was pretty much the first thing she said. She also said besides my art, to look at writing. She did say things will settle down around me, and things are looking up. No dramatic windfalls - so guess winning lotto isn't to bank on *grins* but I wont be completely struggling, so that's a good thing!

I wont bore you with all the other stuff she said - but it was a generally decent reading and she even pointed out things that I hadn't thought about before but strung a chord of "truth" within me when it was said. More things to ponder!

All in all, I am in a better frame of mind now and glad I had the chance to get away, even if it was for work. I upgraded to a balcony room on the 17th floor - so in the evenings i could look out over the great views, watch the fruit bats flying around below and see the sun set in the horizon, feeling so much of the stress and tension slowly ebb away.

It has been a roller coaster ride this past week. It's not a simple thing to find a place these days to rent. I am feeling very much that I am going to have to settle for something I wont be completely happy with and it's also pretty competitive out there that even if I do like a place, I may not get accepted because there are a whole lot of other people out there looking as well. I am determined to at least have most of my checklist ticked before I consider a place though.

I'm trying to keep the faith that I will find something, and this has certainly been a huge challenge in itself.

One thing I have found is that pictures do not tell the whole picture. It's one thing to view photos, but to actually see a place gives a whole different light on things. What appears perfect, often is not.