Seven tears

blank... It's over three years now, page 102 is still blank. The place and the time were not quite what i had imagined, the last penitentiary was just on the outskirts of the town, a short walk. I've never seen the other guy, he says he's done eight years, nothing to look forward to, that's what happens when life's broken. We live in an other world, colors are the same but they look different, colourless. Page 102 would have been the begining of something bad, well, it's worst than expected. I'm learning to walk again, my eyes still can't stand the sunlight, i can't go on for days without sleeping as i would before... I've lost more than just everything, i've lost half of myself too. I'll give the other half away soon enough. Ex-soldier, ex-con, ex-ceo, ex-everything and now i'm nothing. nothing to look forward to but to take the most precious back, truth and pride. After that i care no more. They can have it all, there'll be nothing they'll get from me but the smile that is on the face of all who die knowing that even seeing them die won't make their jealous enemies feel they have won. We are a special breed, primitive, we don't die, we haunt, we smile in the face of tyrants, we die proud after winning our last battle. If we can't save the world, we've at least saved and protected the few we cared about. We'll soon be forgotten, the few that won't bend the knee and give reverence to your rulers. Page 102, is a foggy mixture of the future and the past, an improbable love story that will find answers but no tears to wash away the pains of the betrayal, a senseless "sorry", a "you knew that it would be like that". As if knowing the future should make one responsible for one's own suffering, when i tried to run away from my painful future you pleaded for me to come back and soothe the pain caused by your own kind. Did you need to lie, would i not have come back if you had told the truth? And later when you sent me away, did you have to lie again? No thank-you, no sorry... just a lie with your back to me, just decent enough not to look at me, all the others did look at me, some even smiled in my face as i walked down the corridor to the dark cell, the guards came everyday to beat me but you wouldn't know, you probably wouldn't believe. My skin is whiter than the paper of page 102, my eyes avoid the sunrays, i'm back here where i started, fighting another war, a last battle with a silly ending, there'll be no winner.