Carefully thought-out stuff

A brief warning: This is therapy, people. There is nothing written in this post that you will have the slightest interest in reading, not even when compared to the rest of the posts on this blog.


It is a humbling thing to know someone is doing something better than you. A post about my recent TV exploits have been long coming, and then Loki decides to make an identical post with length and content practically impossible to come close to.

Not only does he watch more TV shows than me, he also watches more genre shows than me. I thought I was the guy with slightly more sci-fi bent interests than the L-man, turns out the guy has frakkin watched more Fringe than me. That was a particularly rude awakening.

It wouldn't sting so much if I didn't also know that the guy is better than me at the rest of life as well. And so I ask myself the question I've asked myself so many times before with slight variations; "so this guy is better than me at this, what am I better at than him?". The sad answer is of course "nothing", because for some reason when I do something I don't go all the way.

In my younger days I was a part of the local breakdance crew (the crew consisted of 3 people including me, it wasn't exactly a densely populated area), it was fun and all, but today what do I have to show for it? I can do the worm, that's it. A move that apparently is a move for posers, because it's easy to learn and can't really fit into dancing.

I enjoy super hero movies and applaud the comics they're based on, but I don't actually read them. After worshiping the movie for years I finally got around to reading the comic of "V for vendetta" last year because I just happened to come across it. I'm not a comic book geek yet I aspire to be one (just without, you know, the reading). When I watched Wolverine at the cinema, a pair of girls sat next to me. As they sat down I picked up the unmistakable smell of cheese hot dogs, and I was already kind of intrigued. On the way out I heard them discussing the X-men universe and the character most likely to have the next movie. Right then and there I was ready to deliver a not-at-all-creepy-stalker-like comment that they must be the perfect women, until I realized that they by far out-comic-geeked me.

I read fantasy novels, not sure where I got that from but I suspect it was a certain forum I frequented a long time ago. I've read the Wheel of Time, Song of Ice and Fire, a few Malazan books and that's it. Ask me to name a few prominent authors and I'm totally blank. Half the time when I try to read something I'll just lose interest and forget about it for weeks.

I'm a gamer, or so I like to think. But I came late to the table with the early consoles, inheriting (at a cost) an old Sega Master System II from my cousin because he had upgraded to the next generation, I played maybe 4 games on it. I was one of the last kids that got a computer in the house, and I had very few games beyond Starcraft and the Command & Conquer franchise. Then WoW came, and I now have to face the fact that playing one game does not a gamer make. I still listen to gamer podcasts and identify with the community, I even own a PS3 (not that I play it much), but deep down I know I'm not a gamer.

And then there are the previously mentioned TV-shows. Honestly Loki isn't what started that particular depression. I have been trying some new series recently and found myself in a conversation at work (something I don't usually do, but it just happened), and it turns out this guy has watched pretty much all of them at least casually. And yes, he has a more successful life than me (according to my self-hating insight).

As you might have been able to tell from looking at this site, I dabble in HTML and CSS. What have I been able to do? I've replaced a banner, modified the background slightly and altered a header background. That's pretty much as far as my knowledge goes, and it's only recently I managed to do anything at all.

A part of the problem is, I think, that I'm a bit of a blank personality, I pick up interests from somewhere and just go with it. I suppose it is then a given that I won't be exceptionally knowledgeable about anything, the "jack of all trades, master of none" thing. The only thing is that I'm not the "jack" of any trade, I'm more along the lines of "steaming pile of mediocrity".

Of course, the obvious conclusion when you can't win is "don't compete". And don't read too much into the fairly unplanned and somewhat worrying amounts of self-loathing presented above, as I said initially this post is here purely because it's vastly cheaper than a psychiatrist. Also, just because it's on the internet doesn't mean you have to read it.


PS: I will definitely still make that TV post, though. It was actually supposed to be this, but I got a bit carried away.

PPS: Oh, and I spent 2 hours typing this by my standards pretty extensive text. Remember that post by Loki I mentioned initially? It's 3 times the length of this.

I fear I may have to put an end to these posts, since there really is no way to beat this...

Once a year we celebrate
With stupid hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
Another trip around the sun
And the whole clan gathers round
And gifts and laughter do abound
And we let out a joyful sound
And sing that stupid song

Happy birthday!
Now you're one year older!
Happy birthday!
Your life still isn't over!
Happy birthday!
You did not accomplish much
But you didn't die this year
I guess that's good enough

So let's drink to your fading health
And hope you don't remind yourself
The chance of finding fame and wealth
Decrease with every year
Does it feel like you're doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer

Happy birthday!
What have you done that matters?
Happy birthday!
You're starting to get fatter
Happy birthday!
It's downhill from now on
Try not to remind yourself
Your best years are all gone

If cryogenics were all free
Then you could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice
But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
And though it hasn't ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might

Happy birthday!
You wish you had more money
Happy birthday!
Your life's so sad it's funny
Happy birthday!
How much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry
So just cut the stupid cake

- Arrogant Worms, The Happy Happy Birthday Song

For weeks I've been seeing this ad on Spotify that consists of a bunch of pictures and the words "Fashion Tale", and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was supposed to be about. Then finally one day curiosity got the best of me and I decided that damnit, I'm gonna click this and at least find out what "Fashion Tale" really is.

The website I got to wasn't exactley a well of information, but it did tell me that it was some kind of magazine not sold in my country, possibly related to Fashion and the Telling thereof? Having still not gotten what I would consider a tangible definition of what this was supposed to be about, I decided to check out the "Digital Magazine".

It was basically a table of contents and a collection of pictures. No text beyond the occational credits, but certain areas would pop up with a name when I moved my mouse over it. The name itself didn't really tell me anything, but around page 40 I got the name "Hugo Boss", and finally realized that this was probably different brands they were trying to sell. That again begs the question of why there were pages with nothing to mouseover at all, but I have grown to accept that some mysteries are not meant to be solved.

I'm still not entirely sure what the agenda of the magazine is, nor am I entirely sure why people are supposed to buy it. But I suspect it may be a chick thing and as such, I won't bother myself with it any more.

Fashion Tale teaches you how to be cool.