My OperaToilet On The Train In China
Wednesday, April 9, 2008 4:17:29 AM
1992, on the same train in China, but a different time from my last post, I wanted to go to the toilet. This was third class, so the carriage was PACKED full of people, all carrying all sorts of bags, and there were even live chickens and all sorts of other animals in the carriage. To get to the toilet in the same carriage it took me 20 minutes! Then, when I got to the toilet, I found three people in there: two asleep and one eating noodles. There was no way I was going to do anything in there, so I made the 20 minute journey back to my seat and wondered how I was going to hold out for the next 40 hours or so. In the end I couldn't stand it any longer and decided to go to another carriage. I walked into the next one, which was the restaurant carriage, but there was no toilet there. At the other end was a soldier. As I walked down toward him, he stood up and spoke.
Soldier: No entry! This is a special carriage.
Me: Sorry, I just need to use the toilet.
Soldier: (holding his rifle) No entry! This is a special carriage!
Me: I am sorry, but I really do need to use the toilet.
Soldier: There is a toilet in the carriage you just came from.
Me: Yes, but it's full of people!
Soldier: But you can't use this one. This is for VIPs only.
Me: Look, just let me go the toilet!
Soldier: No.
(This continues for about half a minute more until I lose patience. Better than losing my water on the floor of the restaurant car, and I just walk past him, and go to the toilet in the 'VIP bog'. When I came back I apologized and went back to my seat.)
(An hour later, and I have to go again, so I go back through the restaurant car. This time the soldier is gone, and a man in a shirt and tie and sunglasses (it is night-time!) is there.)
Me: Hi, sorry, I just need to go the toilet.
Sunglasses: This carriage is off-limits. Go in the carriage you just came from.
Me: I'm sorry, but the toilet is full of people. It's impossible.
Sunglasses: Go in the carriage you just came from.
Me: It really is impossible and I am desperate.
Sunglasses: (picks up his pistol and primes it, then points it in my general direction) I will not tell you again.
(Our eyes stayed steady on each other's for a full minute. I didn't believe he would shoot me, but I knew I probably was dealing with people who could get me arrested and possibly deported so I didn't want to say anything stupid. We just watched each other.)
(Then the desire to pee was getting too much for me, so I started looking around for something to pee into, but there was nothing - even though this was the restaurant car, so, I just asked....)
Me: Do you mind if I piss out the window?
Sunglasses: (luckily, much more relaxed and even in slightly good humour) Whatever, just don't come into this carriage again!
I did my business and helped fertilise the rice fields from the window of the train, then went back to my seat in the massively over-packed carriage. From then on I just used empty beer bottles.
Soldier: No entry! This is a special carriage.
Me: Sorry, I just need to use the toilet.
Soldier: (holding his rifle) No entry! This is a special carriage!
Me: I am sorry, but I really do need to use the toilet.
Soldier: There is a toilet in the carriage you just came from.
Me: Yes, but it's full of people!
Soldier: But you can't use this one. This is for VIPs only.
Me: Look, just let me go the toilet!
Soldier: No.
(This continues for about half a minute more until I lose patience. Better than losing my water on the floor of the restaurant car, and I just walk past him, and go to the toilet in the 'VIP bog'. When I came back I apologized and went back to my seat.)
(An hour later, and I have to go again, so I go back through the restaurant car. This time the soldier is gone, and a man in a shirt and tie and sunglasses (it is night-time!) is there.)
Me: Hi, sorry, I just need to go the toilet.
Sunglasses: This carriage is off-limits. Go in the carriage you just came from.
Me: I'm sorry, but the toilet is full of people. It's impossible.
Sunglasses: Go in the carriage you just came from.
Me: It really is impossible and I am desperate.
Sunglasses: (picks up his pistol and primes it, then points it in my general direction) I will not tell you again.
(Our eyes stayed steady on each other's for a full minute. I didn't believe he would shoot me, but I knew I probably was dealing with people who could get me arrested and possibly deported so I didn't want to say anything stupid. We just watched each other.)
(Then the desire to pee was getting too much for me, so I started looking around for something to pee into, but there was nothing - even though this was the restaurant car, so, I just asked....)
Me: Do you mind if I piss out the window?
Sunglasses: (luckily, much more relaxed and even in slightly good humour) Whatever, just don't come into this carriage again!
I did my business and helped fertilise the rice fields from the window of the train, then went back to my seat in the massively over-packed carriage. From then on I just used empty beer bottles.
Keiki Ichikawakeiki # Thursday, April 24, 2008 7:46:13 AM
haosucu # Saturday, May 24, 2008 2:09:55 AM