there are nights when i cant help but cry,
and i wonder why you have to leave me.
why did it have to end so soon
when you said that you would never leave me.
tell me, where did i go wrong?
what did i do to make you change your mind completely.
when i thought this love would never end, and if
this love not ours to have i'll let it go with your goodbye.

i felt so lucky that day, at last, after a month of waiting, i finally got the job. was some kinda nervous on the first day of work but i need to impress them, i thought. so i worked hard and after a year, though some were against it, i got promoted. I know i am fit and qualified to that job, i am a career service passer plus a holder of a master's degree in public administration. so it goes, the salary was good, and from time to time i was able to travel around the country attending training's and seminar. six years had passed, and things around had gotten wrong. my job had also exposed me to something that i never imagined nor love of doing so. Red Tape...how i hated it. every month, several millions of pesos are being pocketed by some greedy Local Chief Executive in the Province where i worked. i know because i am the one who prepare the papers - voucher, allotment and obligation, purchase order, etc. that money were supposed to fund the program for development in the rural areas..sad, the development remains in the vault.

it was january 2008 when i wrote my resignation letter, my boss asked me why? i told him, " sir, from the beginning until yesterday, what i am doing is wrong that becomes right because of the practice." He smiled and tapped my shoulder. and so i quit despite the disapproval of others - (those who close to me). some said i am insane. i just told them that i am no longer happy with my job and that i really do not want to be part of the system which is evidenced by graft and corruption.

after more than a year, still unemployed, and getting desperate,i was thinking maybe i was wrong then, i should have stay, and if i did, i should have several hundreds of thousand pesos deposited in my account, because back then, my boss was generous enough to share some portion of the money that he got from the illegal transactions. maybe i was wrong in something that i believed in.

tsk! tsk!

that smile? its a lie...everything in me is a lie, been keeping it for seems like forever now, no one thought me to be like that, it just came out..hell, if only i could turn things in the way that i wanted it to be...then, surely, life's will be damn easy...

glad to be back!!!!!!!