My OperaOops I did it again...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009 6:25:55 PM
I purged.
I was doing well and hadn't thrown up for about a week and a half to two weeks.
I forgot how good it felt though!
The feeling of an empty stomach, rush of endorphines, and the calm relaxation that comes after.
I had been ignoring that little voice in my head that tells me how fat I am and I shouldn't eat and how much fatter I'll get if I do but kept eating and eating anyway until I actually saw myself in the mirror and realized how much weight I put back on.
It's disgusting.
I was able to fit in to a size 10 pants 2 weeks ago but now they're too tight.
My ana/mia's got a hold of me again.
I ate and listened this time.
Forced me to my knees in front of the toilet and just let it all come out.
It gets easier every time.
I began to slip away but I came back.
I always come back.
Maybe I really don't want to leave...
I was doing well and hadn't thrown up for about a week and a half to two weeks.
I forgot how good it felt though!
The feeling of an empty stomach, rush of endorphines, and the calm relaxation that comes after.
I had been ignoring that little voice in my head that tells me how fat I am and I shouldn't eat and how much fatter I'll get if I do but kept eating and eating anyway until I actually saw myself in the mirror and realized how much weight I put back on.
It's disgusting.
I was able to fit in to a size 10 pants 2 weeks ago but now they're too tight.
My ana/mia's got a hold of me again.
I ate and listened this time.
Forced me to my knees in front of the toilet and just let it all come out.
It gets easier every time.
I began to slip away but I came back.
I always come back.
Maybe I really don't want to leave...
