Stepping in the Early Childhood Education Field
Saturday, 6. June 2009, 17:40:21
"Never too late!" is a fancy slogan to encourage "older" people to start over with their life. In reality, sometimes, the magic timing does pass by us without significant warnings. I have been 39 years old for 6 days now. So far so good. I have started my "possible" new career - teaching preschoolers since this March and looked forward to soon working as an teaching assistant for a child development program under a public school system. Will I be good at working with young kids? I honestly don't know that yet. I understand that it is too late for me to start a new career but I have to give myself a fair chance to try. Besides, I really have nothing to lose at this point. Through these couple months of working with young children, I've enjoyed interacting with them and am fascinated to see them learning new things. I think I can tolerate the physical exhaustion of cleaning & washing heavy paint and dirt, bending, squatting, kneeling and occasionally crawling although I am a little too old for those labor work. I hope I am able to continuously bear with the heavy labor work as long as my knees and back don't hurt too much. 
Reading my last entry is really depressing - it makes me realize that being depressed could be a bad habit if a miserable person didn't do anything to cheer up and move on. I guess I had allowed myself to be depressed for so long; I cannot even track a time-frame and the actual reasons. Fortunately, I finally decided to dump the thought - "I can do better than I am doing." and just simply do what comes up to me. The thought "I am a more intelligent person than what I appear to be." is really a toxic danger, which creates thousands excuses for me to live in the past but not now. I have to admit I would never get by that - my past in my own home country was a much better life for me. However, my short intelligent past had its timing, and it would never come back to me no matter where I am now. Being too proud of what I can no longer be is probably the most ridiculous attitude I could possibly have. Finally, I am able to accept that I am just not that intelligent in an English speaking world - the struggle ended there. Learning to let go personal stupid pride is a long process. It takes endless frustrations and failures to teach me to lower my self-expectation. Now, if I can continue to build a career and earn for living(a current urgency), I should be able to be happy. I certainly should.
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