On Many Subjects

OK, so I started physical therapy because my I had a backache for something like two years and I was getting damned grouchy about it. I was even grouchier when the doctor told me it was from "normal wear and tear." NORMAL? Is he kidding me? Normal to scream in agony when you sit and normal to scream in agony again when you stand up? If it was normal, wouldn't everyone be doing it?

So, I started physical therapy and amazingly, my back feels better. I love going to the heated salt-water spa pool with the fuzzy jets in the water and doing nice, tame exercises. My arthritic body loves the state of weightlessness, so much so, I am thinking of moving to the International Space Station.

Meanwhile, back in the pool... I was going through my exercise routine and, as previously stated, my back feels really good, but my FREAKING knees have started hurting to beat the band. I mean hurting to the point I am screaming in agony when I stand up and screaming in agony when I sit down.

Somehow, I find it difficult to see how my situation has improved.

I went BACK to the doctor-Dr. Eye-Candy if you are interested because I firmly believe if one must visit a doctor, then visit a very pretty one and Dr. Eye-Candy is so very pretty. Dr. Candy tells me my knees hurting is because of normal wear and tear. WTF?

Me: You have got to be kidding me? It is not normal for someone to scream in agony when they sit and normal to scream in agony again when they stand up. I mean, I have been waiting to see you for nearly forty-five minutes and plenty of people stood up and sat down and there was barely any screaming at all
Dr. Eye-Candy:.....
Me: So, how is this normal?
Dr: It is normal for someone with RA (rhuematoid arthritis)
Me: So, what do we do?
Dr: Eventually, knee replacement, but not for a couple of years.
Me: So what do I do in the meantime? Scream in agony on a regular basis?
Dr: No. We can give you cortisone injections.
Me:.....
Dr: Really, it will make you feel better... we think.
Me:.....
Dr: All we have to do it stick a needle in your knee...
Me: Now wait just a cotton picking minute. How can sticking a needle in my knee make it feel better?
Dr: It just will.

OK. Maybe he isn't big on explanations, but he certainly is pretty to look at. And he was right. Sticking a needle in my knee does make it feel better as long as I don't think about being stuck in the knee with a needle too closely.

The big question on everyone's mind is, when will property values appreciate, again? You are not the only person asking that question. Real Estate professionals all across the country are wondering the same thing because the real truth is, no one really knows. No one can predict the end of the crisis.




America and Americans need to change their perspective on real estate to bring about a real end to the real estate crisis. Think about this: Real estate today is as worthless as the dollar.

Think about times past, to your parents or your grandparents. In the 40s and 50s, couples lived with Mom and Dad while they were "courting." During this time, they both worked to save up their 20% down payment on their dream home. They were investing in America. Since that time, that investment in America has been devalued because of credit and the easy access to it.

Not only has real estate been devalued because of credit, but the dollar has suffered the same fate. We assess value on an item's ability to be bought and sold rather than what has been invested in that item.

To give you an example. Two years ago, a person could have bought a house that cost $800,000. The owner of the house would have less than 5% invested in his property. Where is that homeowner today? Had the homeowner put down 20%, he would own a valuable asset. The home has REAL value and the homeowner is much more careful about moving that asset around.

Putting only 5% down, the asset becomes disposable and so does the real estate market.

America needs to get back to solid buying and selling principals. This will strengthen home values and the dollar. The American Dream has become an American Nightmare and this country can only be rebuilt by hard working Americans, and not by Wall Street.

Karen Vertigan Pope writes for http://www.FindBuyers.com and http://www.FindHomeBuyers.com, a unique approach to buying and selling real estate in the Mid-Atlantic region. We match buyers and sellers, much like a dating site, using a 30 point matching system that assures you will find exactly the right home for your needs.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karen_Vertigan_Pope

Me: My car is making a funny noise.
Repairman: Then, turn the raido off.
Me: Oh, you're one of those funny car repairmen.
Rep: No, not really.
Me: I was making a joke
Rep: Wasn't very funny.
Me: Give me my keys. I am going to get this fixed somehwere else, you Stupid, no-sense-of-humor-having, butt-crack-showing, dirty-too-small-blue jeans-wearing, front-teeth-missing, jazz-music-hating asshole.

Just so everyone knows, it is not just family who got upset by things I said, but friends, too. OPERA friends, to be precise.

So, henceforth, I am going to write what I think and feel because there is no way to keep everyone happy, and I am not going to try... even at the possibility of loosing fans.

I have become positively BORING in my blog.

I have a blogger blog and one of the ladies who regularly comments there said, "If someone gets mad at me because I poked fun at them, then I poke even MORE fun at them." Not bad advice, really.

It is sad that I have lost some good friends and I don't even know why. There was a case a few months ago where someone stopped commenting on my blog because someone else said I said something bad about them. It was a case of he said, she said, he said. The person, who I thought was a friend, stopped commenting on my blog, when I actually said NOTHING to ANYBODY about ANYONE here on Opera. I don't have time to play those kind of gossipy games. It was sad really. I almost never send PMs to anyone (and that is verifiable with Opera) and if I had a problem with someone on here (which I haven't ever had a problem with any of my friends) I would confront that individual, directly.

So, being the vicitm of gossip from an unknown quarter, I decided to take the low road and stay quietly in the corner. I am not doing that any longer because I would go for days and not blog at all. I would think, "Well, I can't say that or this one will get angry. I can't say that because that one will get angry. Oh, here is a nice safe innocuous subject. Maybe I will blog about that, even though it is so boring it is making me go to sleep."

Therefore, if you happen to get your feelings hurt by something I say in my blog, then YOU are the one with the problem, and not me. If you choose to listen to something someone else says and you are not a big enough person to ask me if it is true or not, then YOU are the one with the problem. If you decide to never read my blog again, then that is your choice and it will not effect my life in any way. My life will go on and I will continue to find funny things everywhere. I will even report them to the world in this blog. If you want to have some fun, stop by and see what if going on in my life and around me. Maybe you'll get a laugh or two along the way.

Me: What is that on the radio?
CoWorker: It is Lily Allen singing Alfie
Me: It sounds like a polka.
CW: It does, a little. I'm not digging it.
Me: It is a polka. You only hear polkas at weddings... right after everyone does the chicken dance.
CW: My nephew announced that he learned the chicken dance and the Macarena.
Me: He was bragging about that?
CW: He is five. I told him he was all set when he gets married.
Me: Who ever decided that the chicken dance and the macarena were great wedding dances? Or the polka for that matter?
CW: I dunno.
Me: When we get married again, we should insist on no chicken dance.
CW: We get married?
Me: That wasn't a proposal. Besides you are still married to your husband.
CW: Well, the way you said it...
Me: ....
CW: You did say it like you and I were getting married.
Me: But, I didn't mean it that way.
CW: Maybe we should get married.
Me: Yeah, maybe we should. We are far less trouble than men.

This is the funniest thing I have read recently and it is extremely valuable information, as in, I wish I had known about this when I was a teenager. Or even better, I wish I had known this when my kids were teenagers.

How to argue effectively
By Dave Barry
And not by Stuart J. Williams, Attorney at Law
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."

Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
Ipso facto
Ergo
So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Ergo, ipso facto, case closed. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.

Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.
You say: Since the discovery of the incandescent light bulb...
Your opponent says: The light bulb is an invention.
You say: Well DUH!

Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

I stole this from HERE

I have been having trouble decided what to blog about because so many subjects have become off limits as a result of first one thing then another. I am like, HEY, PEOPLE, THIS IS FREE JOURNALISM. This is the first amendment at work. Free speech! Why can't I write about what I want to write about?

OK. Two things are on my mind, right now.

I joined this dating club in hopes of meeting THE guy who will make my life complete... then, I discovered several things. Namely: The. Men. Actually. Want. To. Meet. Me.

Now, I realize that is the purpose of dating. Meeting new people. Seeing if you click. Seeing if there is chemistry. Finding out if love at first sight is real. On the other side of the coin, I am wondering... do I really want a guy mucking about in my life? I mean guys are a lot of trouble and I have been without a guy since my divorce 21 years ago.

Sidebar: My definition of a guy is a man who is married to me.

On the one hand, that is not a bad thing. I get to make my own decisions. I don't have to make dinner if I don't want to. I don't have to do laundry if I don't want to. I can wear my overly large sweat-shirt in the house without being embarassed. I can drink milk right out of the carton because I am not sharing my milk with anybody. I don't have to close the bathroom door every time I go in. I can fill my entire apartment with hundreds of Barbie dolls. What's not to enjoy?

The only thing I don't have is a regular date on Friday night. Someone to talk to on a regular basis that will talk back to me. (My adorable cats really don't have a lot to say unless they are hungry and then they get really chatty, indeed.) I love going to the movies, but I hate going alone. So, to solve that little problem, I am out there. Trying to meet Mr. Right. (Not Mr. Right Now, or Mr. Always Right).

On the other hand, who says I need a regular guy in my life? I would be happy with a pen pal. I would be happy with someone who read and adored my stories.

But, that isn't what I wanted to talk about, today.

There is a new rule at work: I have to take a lunch, every day. Each and every day. The problem with this is there is no break room or lunch room. The only place to eat lunch is at my desk, which means the phone rings or a student drops in with emergency Financial Aid questions. So, if I am interrupted, that is not a lunch break.

Because I am forced to take a lunch break, I decided to ignore the phone, and ignore any student who stops by my cubicle. I will instead eat my lunch and goof off by writing blog entries or killing time on Facebook.

And, even though I know that not one cares what a person eats for lunch, I am going to tell you anyway. Todays lunch consists of my two VERY favorite sandwiches, ever. Banana and peanut butter on whole wheat and meat loaf and catsup on whole wheat. I also have an orange for an afternoon snack. Doesn't get better than this!

It was a first for me. The Divine Miss M and her mom had a sleep over at my apartment on Friday. We made pizza and spinach dip. We ate ice cream and cookies. We watched Aladdin. We put on our jammies and went to bed.

Miss M is a very precocious 2.5 years old and very talkative. For example, here are a few classic phrases:

"Grammie, I am very happy to be here!"
"I made some eggs for you."
"Be careful, Grammie! It's very hot!"
"I love painting at school."
"I have the best mommy, ever."

We three climbed into my bed that is full size. Mom was quickly asleep, as was Miss M. But, Miss M likes to take up a lot of room on the bed and spreads out. I had scooted as close to the edge as possible and even risked falling out of the bed and fracturing one or more bones when I hit the floor. Finally, unable to get comfy enough to sleep, I went downstairs and slept on the futon in the livingroom, giving Miss M all the room she needed to sleep soundly all night long.

Upon waking, she asked her mom, "Where'd Grammie go?"

So they came downstairs and woke me up.

Then Miss M discussed the Aladdin movie and how the mountain was very scary. She pointed to the scary mountain over and over again and explained it all to me. Maybe some of the Disney movies aren't appropriate for very little kids.

Still, I had a marvelous time and would love to repeat it over and over, again.

Everyone has those little things that make them want to run around the room, screaming obscenities and I am no different. I have complied a short list of things that really do bother me.

1. Excessive Obama ferver. I would like to preamble by saying, I LOVE OBAMA. I really do. He is a world-class rock star of a President and he is not hard on the eyes at all. I am particularly happy that he is able to speak in complete sentences, he uses adverbs correctly and that he used to collect comic books. However, he is not going to single-handedly save the ecomony, bring total and ultimate peace to the Middle-East, defeat terriorists quicker than Jack Bauer and invent energy-efficient flying cars. My guess is, he will accomplish only one of those superhuman tasks and I am keeping my eyes on the sky until I see evidence of that remarkable day.

2. People who use the phrase, "you know" like it is the best phrase EVER. Word whiskers or verbal tics are all about us and I see nothing wrong with them. Personally, I tend to begin every sentence with "Listen up, bozo." But, if you cannot utter three words without saying "you know," then I will suggest to you that you sit down, collect your thoughts, write a list of bullet points you want to cover and take several deep, cleansing breaths while I go make a cup of chamomile tea. And if you say, "you know," once more, I will have something handy to pour over your head.

3. People who allowed sub-prime mortgages go on for years. They clearly messed things up for the rest of us and worse, no one has apologized for that. Now, they are all now trying to blend in with the background, hoping we won't notice them. Maybe if we don't invite any of them to any party this year, it will send a strong message to them and they will all think twice before they allow this nonsense to happen again.

I know there are more things that annoy me, but I will save those for another day. Perhaps, I should have titled this, "Things That Annoy Me, Today."