On Many Subjects

Every Friday night, is SciFi Friday on the SciFi channel. This is normally where you will find me on Fridays, sitting in front of the TV, munching on pizza. This ritual has made me realize several universal truths about our... um... well... universe.

Also, because no blog is a REAL blog unless you periodically add lists, this is my list of THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM THE SCIFI CHANNEL:

1) Bad guys have terrible aim and are unable to hit any good guy they are shooting at, regardless of the weapon used.

2) All aliens crave human flesh, even though they have never before dined on human, they show up on our planet, break out the best china and flatware, and prepare for a feast.

3) No matter where you go in the universe, you will land on a planet with gravity that is exactly equal to Earth's gravity.

4) No matter where you go in this galaxy, you will find advanced civilizations who speak English better than Mavis Beacon. Unless they have been extinct for several million years, then their writing will be so easy to learn that anyone who has attended primary school for more than two years can decipher it.

5) A rugged space cowboy's gut feelings are far more reliable than knowledge from the most brilliant scientists on this planet.

6) Flying alien space crafts is so intuitive that anyone can learn to do while just studying the controls for about eight minutes... four if you are a certified pilot.

7) Alien weapons are so intuitive that anyone who picks one up will be able to use it immediately and with great accuracy.

8) All alien princesses wear very little clothing regardless of the weather and all alien princesses are extremely beautiful... by Earth standards...except they have hairstyles that were popular in 1969.

9) If you have a couple of dumb space ship repair guys with you, they will die and you will be safe.

10) All clones eat human flesh, whether human, animal or alien.

11) All ghosts can walk through walls unless they are chasing you, then they have to take the long way around.

12) All super-sized alligators, crocodiles, and snakes crave human flesh and they got to their super-size by eating humans, but no one notices until you show up. Also, the scientists who have been looking for the creature for years can't find it until you show up and show them exactly where it is. And if you are a scientist who has been looking for the creature, you will be eaten, but your gorgeous lab assistant will fall in love with the handsome stranger and survive.

13) All robot side kicks must have a sense of humor.

14) Time travel really works, but the only ones allowed to use it are people who want to go back in time to screw up the timeline and change the future.

15) Even though most alien civilizations are far more advanced than us, we will be able to defeat them because basically most alien civilizations that are far more advanced than us are really stupid.

16) Sound DOES travel through the vacuum of space.

What have you learned from the SciFi Channel?