On Many Subjects

There are two kinds of people in America: Those that hunt deer and those who wonder why there are deer hunters. Oddly enough, you will find both kinds of people living in the same household more often than not.

So, deer hunting season is upon us and I have noticed that a lot of people have taken to wearing very brightly colored clothing while going out to get the mail. I assume the two are related. (And this is not as much of a stretch as you may think.)

My argument:

I used to work in a convenience store in a small town in Clay County, Florida and, by coincidence, it was the only thing that was open after 11pm. Because this store was open after midnight, this is where all the hunters came to get their provisions for the trip into the woods. They would buy tiny cans of beanie weanies, Dinty Moore's Beef Stew, pacakages of bologna, but no bread or mayonaisse becuse they were going to HUNT, not make dinner, or breakfast.

I would have to make several pots of coffee because they would fill up large thermoses of coffee to keep themselves awake. This brings two things to mind, immediately. First, they would build a fire in the forest to sit around, but they didn't know what to do with it because none of them made coffee, boiled water for instant coffee or heated up their beanie weanies. More than once, they all complained about having to eat cold food. The other thing the enormous thermoses reminded me of is that every hunter had anywhere from 4 and 10 hunting dogs all in cages and all in the back of the 4-wheel drive trucks and all howling. The dog of choice being a Beagle and most aren't cute like Snoopy, but rather they are loud and they howl. So, if these hunters with thermoses wanted to stay awake, all they had to do was to stand out in the parking lot of the convenience store and listen while the dogs howled at each other.

But, as ususal, I digress...

These hunters, typically, would go into the forest, turn their hunting dogs loose, then proceed to sit around the fire and talk about yesterday's hunting, eat their provisions and drink their coffee. Somewhere close to an hour before dawn, they all get up and start to round up their dogs. If they happen to run across a deer while trying to find the dogs, they will shoot at it.

I think I must explain that the definition of a deer is ANYTHING that moves in the forest. A light breeze could rustle a hand full of leaves on a bush and the hunter would shoot the bush because he thinks it's a deer. Or at the very least, he thinks a real deer probably just passed that way and rustled the leaves on the bush.

So, that's why people are wearing brightly colored clothes this time of year because no one wants to be shot while walking out to the mailbox and they happen to rustle a handful of junk mail.