On Many Subjects

I get really passionate about some things and then I have to spend a few minutes discussing it here in blog-ville.

I have a very important job where I work... I do Search Engine Optimization, which means I get to write articles and I get to blog at work. So very cool. Every now and then, in between blogging about steel building construction, and water fowl on the Outer Banks, I can slip in my own blog where I can have some FUN. Well, not this week because I was too busy for that sort of trivial nonsense.

But, I digress.

Also part of my job is answering the phone. I wasn't hired as a receptionist/gatekeeper. I feel into the job because of my charming personality, my ability to make GOOD coffee, (I think the guys at work screw it up on purpose so I will continue to make fabulous coffee. Did I mention I am the only girl there?) and the fact that I have a charming phone voice, and excellent social skills.

Being a SUPER HIGH TECH WEB DESIGN company that designs websites for the rich and famous, we have a number of printed publications that arrive via US Mail to the office and clutter up the analog inbox. I sort through this pile of dead trees, keep ones that I may want to read on my coffee break and toss the others out. I think Bossman signed up for every free publication on planet earth... and a few other planets as well.

Again, I am digressing. I WILL get to my rant! Trust me!

Anywho, the owners of these so called FREE publications periodically out-source the task of contacting every recipient to ask if their information is still correct. I got six (not kidding) calls this week from six (not kidding) companies wanting me to verify my information.

Now, I have nothing against out-sourcing, but please, for the love of all that's holy, can somebody, somewhere out-source to a person who can actually speak ENGLISH? Is that too much to ask?

Me: Good morning, this is the SUPER HIGH TECH WEB DESIGN company. How can I help you.
Caller: I wish to speak with Ro...Ro....Rog...Ron....Rob...Ros.. Ross WilL...Roswall... Rosenthal... Rosencrantz...Reynaldi (All with a THICK Indian accent)
Me: Who do you wish to speak to?
C: I am very sorry. I cannot pronounce the name.
Me: Or any other English word, apparently.
C: Are you a manager?
Me: Me? Naw, I just answer the phone.
C: Who makes the purchasing decisions?
Me: Now that depends on what's being purchased. I choose what toppings will come on the pizza for our Office Wide Monday Afternoon Pizza Soiree and Business Meeting. Does that count?
C: Very good. Are you also the person who makes decisions about magazines?
Me: You mean do I decide which ones go into the trash? Yes. That is me.
C: Very good. I would like to verify your address.
Me: Fine by me.
C: This be business called SUPER HIGH TECH WEB DESIGN?
Me: Yes.
C: Is the number 1234?
Me: Is what number 1234?
C: Is the Room number 1234?
Me: Room number?
C: Yes. The number of the room.
Me: OH, THAT number. Thank you for clarifying.
C: Is that the correct number?
Me: If I knew what the number was really for, I could tell you if it is correct.
C: It is the number of the room.
Me: Is that just like a room number?
C: Yes.
Me:.....
C: Is the number correct?
Me:.......
C:.......
Me:.....
C: Is that the correct room number?
Me: You know something? This is a business and I have work to do, not being a real recpetionist who does nothing all day but answer the phone and dilly-dally with nail polish.
C: Very good. Is the number correct?
Me: Apparently, you don't listen in English, either. I got a two-fer. A person on the phone who cannot speak OR understand English.
C: Very good. Is the number correct?
Me: See what I mean?
C: Very good. Is the number correct?
Me: Is there someone there who can hit you in the back of the head? You sound like a stuck record.
C: Very good. Is this the correct number?
Me: That is a good tactic. Rewording the sentence will make me understand you better.
C: Are you the person who makes purchasing decisions?
Me: You already asked me that. Oh, crap, you went back to the beginning of the script. You know what? I can't deal with you right now. Thank you for calling.

And I hung up on the person, not realizing that the owner of the SUPER HIGH TECH WEB DESIGN company was lurking just around the corner.

Bossman: If that was a customer, you are so fired.
Me: It wasn't my idea to put me on the phone.
B: What did they want?
Me: Verification of a room number.
B: What room number?
Me: See? That was my question.
B: What was your question?
Me: What room number?
B: We don't have a room number.
Me: I know that and you know that but apparently the Out-sourced, no-English-language-speaking, sari-wearing, on-the-phone-mumbling, room number verifier doesn't know that.
B: And that is why I want you to answer the phone. So I don't have to deal with those phone calls.
Me: I want a raise.