On Many Subjects

After listening to Christmas Carols for the past month, I have made note of several...er...shall we call them inconsistancies in the traditional songs.

Little Drummer Boy
As infants rarely exhibit social response behavior until the sixth week of life, it is unlikely that Jesus was truly smiling at the little drummer boy. We now believe that the son of [God] was experiencing gas.


Frosty the Snowman
Due to trends in global climate change, Frosty's vow to "be back again some day" can no longer be guaranteed.


Angels We Have Heard on High
Note that this song only provides a partial list of things heard on high. Others include the Phish "Junta" album and the incessant crinkle of a Funyuns bag.


What Child Is This?
The child has been determined to be Jake Keenan of Great Falls, Montana. If someone could let his folks know that he's here, that would be great.


Christmas is Coming
Since 1997 the donation amount suggested by this song has been adjusted annually for inflation. Given the recent economic meltdown however, this year the old man will again be accepting pennies and ha'pennies.


Silent Night
Just to clarify, the directive to "sleep in heavenly peace" was intended for the holy infant only. It is well-known that the parents of a newborn can expect no sleep whatsoever for a minimum of seven months, especially when people keep showing up at all hours of the night bearing myrrh.


Feliz Navidad
Please disregard all previous errata for this song. Apparently it is in Spanish.


Let It Snow
This song may erroneously lead the listener to believe that snow is a enjoyable and desired meteorological phenomenon. In fact, it is a huge f**king pain in the ass. We regret the error.

Please note that I did not think these up. I borrowed them from HERE. I just happen to agree.

Further, let it be known that I still LOVE Christmas music and will be humming my favorites well into January.