On Many Subjects

My pretty kitty, Evelyn, is suddenly possessed to the point, I wouldn't be surprised if her head spun around backward and she launched pea-green gross stuff at me from her mouth.

#2 refers to her as Evil-Lynne and he may be correct. I have long known she is one half Evil and one half Nutro Natural Choice Complete Care Adult Weight Management cat food (which, I might point out, hasn't controled her weight in the least because it is still out of hand.) She is Evil because she frequently buries her claws in my thigh when she thinks she is being totally neglected... a thing that happens often enough that I have permanent puncture wounds. She is Evil when she decides that tonight she will sleep in the bed with me, perches on the pillow next to my head and proceeds to groom/lick/wash and purr, all at four-freaking-am. I love cat purrs and Evelyn's purr is very loud. I think she must also be half lion.

So that makes half Evil, half Cat Food and half lion. Well, if you take into consideration that cats reportedly have nine lives, then I still have 15 halfs to go to make a whole cat, so I don't want to hear anything from all of you mathematical geniuses out there who have quickly deduced that three halfs make a whole with a half left over.

But, I digress.

I do love cat purrs, but I don't enjoy inhaling cat fur all night and I further don't enjoy when anything decides to lick their genitals/anal region about five inches from my face. I mean she slurps. It is a praticularly gross sound. That doesn't make her Evil... that makes her a fur person mammal with rather disagreeable habits.

At some point in the Great Move to Virginia, she picked up a flea infestation that I have been keeping under control with the regular use of a flea comb. So what has that to do with anything? I stayed a night over and #2's house because Clover and I decided to have a SLUMBER PARTY, there by leaving Evil-Lynne at home alone.

Clover and I tried to have a slumber party, that is. #2 went to bed at midnight, and Clover and I stayed up for an extra two hours, dicussing all manner of things that girls discuss when they are having a slubmer party... that is clothes, hair and make-up, really hot guys on TV and in Movies, the general state of the world, quantum physics, and string theory.

Opps... off the subject again...

Evelyn ran to me when I opened the door at 1 pm Saturday afternoon and then proceeded to anticipate where I was walking. Twice I tripped over her, then I gave her some food and fresh water even though she still had plenty of both, the whole time swearing at her because if I fell on her, I would have killed her and broken my hip. I was away for about 20 hours, so her behavior was uncalled for, in my opinion. I left the TV on for her, on her favortie station--Animal Planet. Anyway, she jumped into my lap every time I sat anywhere. Even when I put Advantage on her that didn't deter her from annoying me to death. Advantage kills fleas within 12 hours, but it completely pisses them off first and they began biting her. I combed the staggered and dying fleas out of her fur and she still wouldn't get out of my lap. She twitched and washed, but she didn't get out of my lap.

So, resigned, I allowed her to stay in my lap while I tried to watch TV, but she doesn't SIT comfortably. She walks around in my lap. She climbs up my chest to sit, albeit briefly, on the back of the computer chair and then back down my chest. She does the marchy thing where she adds additional puncture wounds to my thighs, completely annoying me. Every time I threw her onto the floor, she hopped back into my lap, usually with the addition of more puncture wounds and slash marks and purred and marched some more.

OKAY, already. I know she loves me, but too much of a good thing isn't always the best thing for us.

I think I am going to see how much trouble it is to keep her in soft-paws, so we can alter Evil-Lynne into Wimpy-You-Can't-Hurt-Me-Ever-Again-Kitty. Unless, she decides to take up biting me, instead.

The things we put up with all in the name of love. If she was a man, I would have thrown her out months ago.

I want to tell you a pet story, but not all of this is a pet story so if you don't like animals, you still have to read my post because it is not completely about animals.

It is about my headache. I have a freaking headache the size of the whole state of Florida. It is probably allergies. Or maybe my nearly totally decaffeinated body wants some REAL caffeine for a change. So, I made a real cup of coffee and now I am caffeine buzzed with a headache, so it probably wasn't a no-caffeine headache, after all.

I had a tiff with my best friend last evening. How can any one person know me and not know me at the same time? Well, I am over last night's headache as a result of being hurt and pissed off and having to sleep with iTunes blaring so I wouldn't think about the tiff. No, this is a new headache.

Maybe it is because I have been creating a new edition to my website and I have been hunched over my computer all day and I have that computer user's knot in between my shoulder blades with no masseuse in sight. Also, my neck feels like it is in a vise and my fingers (mercifully) are numb. I really should get up and move around instead of coding all day. That is a likely cause of the headache, but I do this every day and I don't get a headache every day.

Ok. Next is the pet part, so if you don't like animals, you can stop reading now.

Evelyn got pissed at me because I left her with #1 Daughter while I went to visit #2 Son and his wife and the Divine Miss M. So, #1 brings the cat back with a horror story of how she tried to commit suicide by hanging her collar on the air conditioner vent, thereby freaking #1's roommate, Ashley, completely out. She doesn't ever do well around animals, so she solved the problem by taking Evelyn's collar off and not returning it to her for fear Evelyn would repeat her dramatic attempt to gain attention through attempted suicide.

Well, #1 brings Evelyn back home, then picks me up at the airport and brings me home, too. Evelyn totally ignores me. For four days. She won't eat anything, not even freshly cooked chicken, which is her favorite thing EVER. I start to really worry about her, which was her diabolical plan all along. I pleaded with her to eat. She just gave me the tail and walked away from her food bowl. I didn't pay attention to the evil smirk she gave me every time I attempted to coerce her into eating something. She was freaking HAPPY that I was worried about her. I can almost her thinking, "See? I told you not to leave me alone for a week. Just watch and see how long I can pout."

I had reached a point where I was wondering how much a vet would cost, when lo and behold, my chubby kitty couldn't take it any longer. I mean she started eating food this morning and I thought she wouldn't stop. When you eat as much as she does, normally, four days seems to be the limit of an extreme pout.

She is still not over being mad at me, though. Every time she jumps into my lap, it is with her claws fully extended. I have MAJOR puncture wounds in my thighs that may never heal. AND to add insult to injury, she clawed the bejesus out of my arm when I put her collar back on. That's going to leave a scar.

Oh wait! Another possibility just occurred to me. Maybe I have cat-scratch fever and that has caused my headache.

Naw... it's probably just allergies.

I am back home and I am very depressed. Why? Because I had to leave the Divine Miss M behind. I tried to put her in my suitcase, but her Mom and Dad wouldn't let her come home with me.

I have made arrangements to get an apartment in Virginia, but that won't be until the end of July... More on the apartment saga, later. For now, here she is! The Divine Miss M's first birthday.



This is our Birthday Girl at her Hawaiian Luau Birthday Party. Remember, she was born in Hawaii, and like all Hawaiians, the baby's first luau is a major event.

#2: This is a strange neighborhood. Everyone is SO nice.
Me: What is wrong with that?
#2: Nothing. Well, about four weeks ago, our neighbor next door was mowing his grass and then the next thing I know, he mowed mine, too. I have a really big yard and it can't be mowed with a push mower in a single day, but the guy next door has a riding lawn mower, so it didn't take him any time at all to mow my grass.
Me: That is really nice of him.
#2: Wait! The next week, Clover, Miss M and I were gone and we came back and the grass was mowed again.
Me: You have a very nice neighbor.
#2: Then, last week, he did it again. I am working nights now, so I was home sleeping. When I woke up, my grass was mowed.
Me: You have an extremely nice neighbor.
#2: But, now I have to go buy a riding lawn mower so I can mow my own grass. The neighbor made me feel bad.
Me: Maybe the guy next door just loves mowing. He may be one of those guys who is happy to have an excuse to use his riding lawn mower. It probably has an umbrella and a drink cooler attached.
#2: Probably. But, this is just too weird. I have never lived in a neighborhood where everyone is super friendly. The lady on the other side of us baked an upside down German Chocolate cake for us. And the man across the street, who is our landlord, is from San Salvador and makes these really cool ethnic dishes for us to eat. He brings us food like three times a week.
Me: Wow! That is the way things used to be.
#2: I have heard that. It is kinda cool, but weird, too. I have never lived anywhere like this.
Me: Do you do anything to help them?
#2: Well, Clover is always baking bread and taking it to the neighbors and stuff like that.
Me: So, everyone in the neighborhood is feeding everyone else. That is so cool.
#2: But, I need to hang up so I can go buy a lawn mower... just as soon as the baby poops. She always does about this time of day, so I will wait for her. I don't want to be in the store with her when she poops. It is easier to take care of this at home.
Me: When you were younger, did you ever in your life imagine you would be having this conversation with me? Cooking, mowing and baby poop?
#2: No. I never did. Um, Mom, don't tell the guys.

I heard everyone lamenting, "Why do you make us wait?"

Well, wait no longer! She is back and cuter than ever! The one, the only, the DIVINE MISS M!

Miss M with her Easter clothes and Easter Eggs and check out those bunny ears!

My, what big TEETH you have!
Pulling up on anything or anyone! I love the knee pads, but if she keeps pulling up, she won't need the for very long.



Miss M and Daddy. Miss M and Mommy. Miss M and lots of snow.

Maybe the Easter Bunny wasn't a good idea!

Finally! She is BACK! The Divine Miss M has finally made an appearance after a very lengthy absence from OperaLand. The aren't even the latest pictures. These pictures are the first in a long series of photos to be downloaded from the camera.

#2, Clover and Miss M have arrived safely in Virginia and are settling into a new life that includes an internet connection. Miss M has a new tooth! Miss M is crawling! Miss M is cuter than ever!

These photos were taken right before she left Hawaii.

Without futher ado, here is the long awaited Divine Miss M!

In the category of Proof that The Divine Miss M is the cutest baby EVER:

What baby created a sensation in Cracker Barrel when several people approached the table and asked to hold her while we were eating our dinner?

It happens everywhere we go. The Divine Miss M is the center of attention and she loves every minute of it. No new pictures yet, but we had 4-generation portraits made that I will share when they are processed. Miss M stole the show, there, too.

Now that #2, Clover, Miss M, Kyta the Cat and Alastor the other cat, have left the apartment it seems quite empty. The fun is over, but the memories remain. What a wonderful few days we had!

The Divine Miss M arrives on Wednesday 17, 2006. And she will probably bring her mom and dad with her.

#3 son laments to Lady Di, "What ever happened to my two cat maximum rule?"

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