On Many Subjects

THE SHOTGUN RULES
version 1.1
The rules listed below apply to the calling of Shotgun (the passenger seat) in an automobile. These rules are definitive and binding.

Section I
The Basic Rules
1. In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word "Shotgun" in a clear voice. This call must be heard and acknowledged by the driver. The other occupants of the vehicle need not hear the call as long as the driver verifies the call.

2. Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and on the way to said vehicle.

3. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediately forthcoming. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.

4. The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.

Section II
Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

1. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.

2. If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

3. In the instance the the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or date for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

4. In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.

5. In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.

6. In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.

Section III
The Survival of the Fittest Rule
1. If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival of the Fittest Rule on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting I-4, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.

2. The driver must announce the institution of the Survival of the Fittest Rule with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.

Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule I-4.

A 1-tonne rodent has been discovered by scientists in Uruguay.

A class clown may be disruptive in school, but in the workplace a little humor is good for creativity, according to a University of Missouri-Columbia researcher.

Chris Robert, assistant professor of management in MU’s Robert J. Trulaske Sr. College of Business, said that humor — particularly joking about things associated with the job — has a positive impact in the workplace.

“The ability to appreciate humor, the ability to laugh and make other people laugh actually has physiological effects on the body that cause people to become more bonded,” said Robert.

Have you ever had a secret? Something that you know that no one else does? Or something you thought no one else knew and maybe you mention it when you were too drunk to remember? Here are a few of my favorites.

*A friend of mine told me she likes to dance to the music when she's alone in an elevator. (Very Cool!)
*One of my daughter's friends told me she has her nipples pierced and everyone but her mother knows. (I am too chicken to ger mine pierced. I admire her spirit.)
*I used to know a guy who would go to the grocery store,open packages of cookies, take a few out and eat them while he was shopping. The opened box would stay on the shelf. (Oh, you're the one who does that!)
*A friend has a collection of over 80,000 pornography pictures on their computer. (Very Very Cool)
*I [used to] work with a woman who gives everyone the finger when someone walks by her office... behind her computer screen. She thinks no one has seen this. But, I have. (I think I will start doing that myself. Call it stress relief)
*There was a woman in Walmart who drew the universal symbol for NO over a yellow smiley face some else had stuck to the bathroom wall. She used her red lipstick. (I wish I had thought of that)


OK. Are you ready for my secret? When no one is around, I sing loudly and sometimes off key. I sing to the Divine Miss M when I am babysitting her. She is completely non-judgemental and thinks my rendition of "Malia" sang to the tune of "Maria" from the West Side Story is sensational. She sings along with me.