On Many Subjects

Last night, Miss M's Mommy and Daddy decided to go out for an evening to enjoy adult conversation with some friends. They asked me to babysit. (Oh goody, goody, goody! I get the baby all to myself!) Yes, I will babysit! Of course! I can't wait.

Miss M is growing up so fast, but she is still baby enough to get into trouble.

For example: I bent over to pick up the diapers she had pulled out of the bag and strung all over the floor while she decided to climb onto the sofa where she promptly fell, over the side and down onto the floor between the sofa and the book case, of course bringing a huge pile of books down with her. She gave me a half-hearted scream to let me know she was displeased with the world and was perfectly happy when I picked her up. The next thing she did was to climb on the sofa again. Naturally.

She is very talkative, although most of it is still in her own special language that we adults have a difficult time understanding. She calls me something that sounds like "Gaddy"-- not Daddy or Gramma or Grammie, but a combination of all three. Her Mommy and Daddy are teaching her American Sign Language and it helps a lot with her communication skills.

She ate a TON of food... isn't that what you do when you go to Grammie's house? But, she needed the energy so she could get into more trouble. Her favorite games are, Pull the Books off the Shelf, Pull the DVDs off the TV stand, Chase the Baby When she Has Something in her Hand She isn't Supposed to Be Playing With, Climb on the Furniture When No One is Looking and Kissing and Hugging Grammie so Grammie's Heart will Melt and Everything will Be All Right and Grammie Won't Be Angry Any More.

And, of course, here are some of the latest pictures!





My very favorite is the one where she is sitting in the chair and giggling. It must be a really funny story she is reading.

Miss M is such a delight to be near. She is happy and funny. She has a strong, vibrant personality. She can be completely giggly one moment and completely frustrated the next. Best of all is when I met Mommy, Daddy and Malia at Cracker Barrel for dinner on Friday evening and she immediately fell into my arms, giving up her Mommy, even for a little while. Miss M tends to be shy around strangers, but the cutest baby EVER doesn't consider me a stranger at all. That makes me so happy!

The Divine Miss M has been away from these pages for too long. I snapped a few photos with my phone, so here are the Exclusive Miss M photos.



She is a 2 terabyte sponge who wants to know everything and see everything. We are teaching her American Sign Language in addition to her talking so she can better communicate with us.

She very tall for a baby of 14 months... 31 inches. She isn't walking yet, just almost. It is hard to get those long long legs coordinated. She is a happy baby who loves to play with her toys, chase the kitty and eat, eat, eat. Her favorite word is "MEOW."



I have had the BEST time with her lately. Her daddy had surgery and her mommy had to work, so I got to babysit several times recently. We have the most fun, together! If I knew grandchildren were this much fun, I would have had them first.

I heard everyone lamenting, "Why do you make us wait?"

Well, wait no longer! She is back and cuter than ever! The one, the only, the DIVINE MISS M!

Miss M with her Easter clothes and Easter Eggs and check out those bunny ears!

My, what big TEETH you have!
Pulling up on anything or anyone! I love the knee pads, but if she keeps pulling up, she won't need the for very long.



Miss M and Daddy. Miss M and Mommy. Miss M and lots of snow.

Maybe the Easter Bunny wasn't a good idea!

In the category of Proof that The Divine Miss M is the cutest baby EVER:

What baby created a sensation in Cracker Barrel when several people approached the table and asked to hold her while we were eating our dinner?

It happens everywhere we go. The Divine Miss M is the center of attention and she loves every minute of it. No new pictures yet, but we had 4-generation portraits made that I will share when they are processed. Miss M stole the show, there, too.

Now that #2, Clover, Miss M, Kyta the Cat and Alastor the other cat, have left the apartment it seems quite empty. The fun is over, but the memories remain. What a wonderful few days we had!

The long awaited arrival of the Divine Miss M is here. I saw them when they drove right past our apartment, but #3 was on the phone to Clover, giving her final landing instructions. Then, they did a loop around the complex and finally found a place to park the SUV with a trailer in tow. Precision operation all around, I might add.

The Clover opened the door to the SUV and she got out of the driver's side. #2 was in the back seat with HER. After a brief greeting to son and daughter-in-law, they finally released the CUTEST BABY EVER from her car seat prison.

Then, she was mine. Clover handed her to me and I held the little girl in my arms for the first time. It was like the doors of heaven had just opened up when the baby gave me a very brief look and the tiniest smile. There were, after all, too many things going on. #3 was unhitching the trailer so that the poor belabored SUV could rest. Lady Di and Clover were introducing theremselves to each other because they had never met. Clover had never met #3, either so, there were more introductions. Then #2 and Clover began unloading part of their wares that make life comfortable.

And Miss M and me? We watched, both of us fascinated by the whole process. Then, we came into the apartment and there were so many new things to see. I took Miss M on a tour and showed her my bedroom, my bathroom, her Uncle's bedroom and bathroom, the kitchen, the living room. Then, we played pass the baby, everyone getting their chance to hold her. She was a real trooper and took all the admiration in stride, as if it were expected and more than that, welcomed. Her mom put her on the floor and because the little one was released from bondage after a ten hour ride in the car, she played and tried to crawl and wiggled and giggled.

The CATZ? Kyta and Alastor are still a little bit put out in that they were separated from their family and their home in the first place. Alastor recovered quickly and was his arrogant self in no time, barely allowing Clover to hold him and pet him. Kyta hid under the bed, there being way too much excitment for our little Egyptian Temple Cat. This morning, she is wandering about my computer desk and head-butting my hand so I will hold her and cuddle her and tell her that life is still good.

I had forgotten this, but baby smell is the best smell in the world. She smells so fresh and so alive. Her hair is like the finest spun golden silk and her blue eyes are huge and inquistive. She sees everything. The Divine Miss M from just pictures, is now the Most Excellently Curious Miss M who is more inquisitive and curious than Frodo Baggins.

Then, the little girl, after a very hard day, drank a comforting bottle of milk presented to her by her daddy, ate some baby guava from a small container while I held her and Mommy spooned her full of food, wrestled as her mom tried to put her into pajamas, the task finally accomplilshed when Lady Di lent a hand, and then fussed because she was ready for bed.

Her schedule is all screwed up because she is a Hawaiian baby and here in Florida, we are several time zones away. But, she will adjust to Eastern Standard Time pretty soon. She is a baby! The most malleable creature on Earth. As long and Mommy and Daddy are doing it, then she will think its okay and she will do it, too.

A truly amazing evening. And I did I tell you how wonderful a new baby smells?

Finally...

It is starting to look a lot like Chirstmas around here. I mean, I spent the money that should have gone to pay my cell phone bill on a Christmas Tree. Well, the tree was only $30 and the cell phone bill is WAY higher and I bought the tree thinking I had already paid the cell phone bill, but I had not. Long story short, I have a tree and no cell phone service.

I was going to take a picture of the tree and post it here, but alas, if you don't have cell phone service, you cannot send pictures from your phone, so I will describe my tree.

It is tiny.

Oh, you want more?

OK. It is 26 inches tall, including the cardinal (a red song bird) on the top of it and it is 12 inches in diameter. It has teeny red balls and teeny gold balls and teeny male cardinals and teeny female cardinals with teeny red bows tied on the ends of some of the branches. Oh, and it had twenty LED lights on it. Now there are 19 because one is burned out. Do you get a Charlie Brown image? Don't be sad. I LOVE my teeny tree. It has a lot of personal symbolism attached. So, getting back to the story, I put up a tree in my bedroom...

Well, my bedroom is SMALL only 10 feet by 10 feet and I have a full size bed, a dresser, a book shelf, a chest of drawers and a teeny chest of draws that doubles as a night stand and a big computer desk. The closet is big enough that my half contains all my clothes (now that I got the rest of them out of #1's house) can hang in there. #2 has stuff stored in the other half of the closet.

Yes, it's small and cozy, but, it's home.

Where was I? Oh, the Christmas Tree.

I have, for many years, not contributed to the celebration of Christmas, which has, in the US and in my own family, become more about the gifts one receives instead of about Christ's birthday and the true meaning of Christmas which is love and giving.

Sidebar: Baby Jesus wasn't born on December 25, by the way. Most Christmas traditions, from Santa Claus, St. Nicholas, Father Christams, the decorated tree inside, the decorated tree outside, candles, a Christmas feast, to gift giving, are based on non-Christian celebrations. Historically, Jesus was probably born in October, but we don't know for sure. The point is, rather than celebrating the fact that the Messiah was born, most people in the US have switched to worshipping the God of Commerce... I believe in Greek Mythology that was Hermes. I also know that calling it Hermes-mas is really hard to pronounce, so most people just stick with Christmas. Still the God of Commerce flourishes in the US because without the much anticipated Christmas Season many businesses will fail.

Sidebar 2.0: I also realize this is not the case with every person in the US. Many still know how to capture that Christmas feeling.

So, this year, I decorated a little tree and put it in my room, hoping to engender some Christmas Spirit within me. Why? Because I am feeling depressed on a number of levels which I won't go into now. The important question here is, did it work? Do I feel the Spirit of Christmas after putting up a teeny tree?

No.

So, lesson learned, Christmas isn't a tree or a gift. It is the feeling inside one gets when one does something for someone else and that can't be found in a tree or a prettily wrapped package. That is found inside, in the heart. That is where Christmas truly is.

So, this is my Christmas gift to everyone:

Happiness in the form of a teeny smile

I was reading Hungry Ghost's blog earlier and he included a quote which I love:

Chocolate is not a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate.

In my response to him, I related a story about my day without chocolate. So, to quote myself:

Earlier today, I was searching my place for a bite of chocolate. There was some fudge here that is to die for, [made by Lady Di from her mother's own secret recipe] but the cat, in an acrobatic attempt to jump from the counter to the top of the fridge encountered the basket that was up there and immediately discovered the basket wasn't attached to anything. The basket falls to the counter, knocking over a half full glass of (something left by my son or his girl) and then it bounces off the floor... but only once before it shatters. What has that got to do with fudge, you ask? Well, when the glass and the cat slithered across the counter to meet an untimely end on the marble kitchen floor, [the glass that is, not the cat, named Holly, by the way, and belongs to Lady Di and #3] the plate of freshly created fudge hit the floor with the glass, the cat, the basket and it's contents. The beautiful chocolate morsels were everywhere and so were tiny shards of glass. I HATE fudge with glass, so I swept the lot up, put it in a paper bag in the trash and got only a single piece of glass in the bottom of my foot for my efforts.

That is pretty much how my whole day has gone, except for a phone call from a most excellent friend which has proven to be the high spot, thus far.

...and how I dealt with them.

When looking for a mate, all of us have an idea about what we are attracted to and what we are not attracted to. What turns us off and guarantees that person will never stand beside us at the alter uttering the words, "I do," is called a deal breaker.

I have quite a list of deal breakers, one of which I have discussed in a previous blog about smoking. Smokers may as well forget it, forever. But there are others.

The more subtle things are sometimes harder to define. Here are some pointers.

Side Bar: This is primarily directed at females who are still dating or trying to date or are fed up with dating, but guys, read-on if you want a chuckle.

1. If a guy tells me he does not date women who have big asses, well we don't even make it to the "meeting for coffee in the afternoon stage." Why? I have a big ass. And if a guy is forward enough to tell you this on the phone before you have had a first date, then he has some serious hang-ups to begin with. He is likely writing his own version of "Ten Things I hate About Women," and if you decided to date this guy anyway, you will find out that by the time you get to chapter four, "Why I don't date women with vaginas," you may already be in love and it is too late. So, girls, find out as soon as you can what his preferences are. Besides that, nothing makes a big girl feel worse than being on a date with someone you know you don't have a hope in hell of getting a second date with. I don't date guys who won't let a fat chick ride in his truck.

2. The one I have had trouble with is guys who want to get married as soon as they meet me. I mean really, I think you should take the time to find out whether or not he has a dog before committing to a life long relationship. This just makes sense. But, when I meet someone for coffee the very first time, I don't want him to bring a ring with him that he bought just in case I say yes when he proposes marriage. He probably bought the ring for a girl he met about fifteen years before and she dumped him and he is now trying to convince anybody to marry him, sight unseen. So, if you propose marriage on the first date, you won't get a second date.

3. Bad kissers are the next group I watch out for. I dated one guy that attacked my lips with his pointy vamopire teeth as if he thought that was romantic and, but instead, it HURT. I couldn't get away from him because he had my head in a wrestling hold. When he finally let me go, so I can breathe, I got out of his car, hailed a cab and had him drive me to my car. No good-byes necessary. If kisses hurt, they are not fun. I cannot repeat that often enough. Gentle sweet kisses that doesn't ruin my teeth and lips are always on my agenda, so when I reach the "good-night kiss stage," this becomes a critical step in the "I wonder if this guy is a keeper," phase of dating. If you hurt me while you are kissing me, you don't ever get another date. As an aside, If you stick your tongue done my throat so far that it makes me gag, you will not get a second date. Barfing will probably guarantee that the guy won't ask me again, anyway.

4. Liars or guys who exaggerate their qualities are next on my list of deal breakers. What I mean is, I met a man who told me he worked for NASA, and so, YES I would go on a date with him. When a guy tells a girl that, it is normally a sign that he has a bit of intelligence, is scientificly clever or can at least carry on a decent conversation. Not everyone who works for NASA is a rocket scientist, I realize, but when a guy stresses that is where he works and keeps on stressing it until he gets a date, well that is a red flag I never knew existed until it happened. I met him for coffee and we began to discuss his job at NASA. He worked in the souvenir shop, as a janitor. Well, it didn't take me very long into our initial conversation to realize this guy was no rocket scientist, but really, how can I trust him? I would have dated him anyway, regardless of what he did for a living. Hey, the garbage collectors are among the highest paid city employees in my neck of the woods. But, he thought telling girls, "I work for NASA," would mean he would stand a better chance. If you lie to me about your job, you won't get another date. Not all girls are gold-diggers, so don't assume you have to be a rocket scientist to get a date wtih a girl.

5. Everyone has dated someone else. Presumably, you had your first date in high school and because I am WAY beyond the high school age and wouldn't be dating anyone who is a first time dater. I assume every guy I date has dated before. That is no big deal for me. In fact, I would think he was a total loser if he hadn't dated anyone else. But, the other side of the coin is this: I don't need to hear about all the ones who got away. I don't need to hear that this one said this and that one did that and they turned you off for whatever reason. Talk about putting pressure on a girl! Now, she has to be better than every woman on the plaent and that just won't happen. There are a million things to talk about on a date and if all you can think of is other girls, well, chances are I will be thinking about other guys. You know, "Gee, I should have accepted that date with Circus Clown instead of this guy." So, save your past relationship convesations for at least the fifth or sixth date.

6. Choose your gifts carefully. What I mean is, if you want to bring flowers to the first date, that is really great! really romantic! But, if you bring a copy of your favorite DVD, just make sure that it is NOT "Debby Does Dallas," because I may get the idea you have something less than true love on your mind. So, if you bring a DVD you want to watch with me to a date, make sure we have actually had sex and I am ready for more before you offer me a porn video.

7. When I say no, I mean no. This is a hard one for younger girls who are inexperienced. But, take some advice from me, girls. If you are in the back seat with your panties around your ankels, that is not the time to decide that you don't want to have sex. Make that decision BEFORE you ever get into the back seat and maybe you won't put in a position you are uncomfortable with. Sex is not Love. Guys will try to have sex with you and if you are a willing partner, then go for it. If you are still hesitant or wondering if you should or you shouldn't, take the moral high ground because there will be other chances for sex in your life. Even if you have been sexually active before, if a guy starts pushing you to have sex with him on the first or second date and you are uncomfortable with the idea, then just say no. Your intuition may be working overtime and there may be an underlying reason you are unaware of. I always listen to my innner voice and if it says "No Sex," then I say, "No Sex." Sex is a privilege and not a right. Just becuase a guy buys dinner doesn't automatically mean he will get "dessert" with it.

I just realized I could go on about this for the length of a best selling novel, so maybe I should stop right now and save more deal-breakers for another time.

Guys have deal-breakers, too, I realize.

What are your favorites?