On Many Subjects

#1: Hey, Mom. Do you have any regrets about your life?
Me: You make it sound like my life is over.
#1: You are over fifty now.
Me: And you are over thirty.
#1: No. I am just thirty.
Me: You are thirty for only one day and after that you are over thirty.
#1: That's really depressing.
Me: Why?
#1: Because soon, I will be over forty, and then over fifty, which is the same thing as being over the hill. Completely.
Me: Watch out, my darling daughter. You are seriouly close to getting in trouble.
#1: Think about it. You don't like the same music I do. You're over the hill.
Me: Yeah, I know. I like GOOD music.
#1: You don't like the clothes I wear.
Me: Wrong. I have jeans with embroidery on them, too.
#1: You don't like the same TV shows as me.
Me: That's becaue I use TV for entertainment. If I want to see REALITY, I will just look around my house instead of watching reality TV. This family is more fun than a TV show, any day.
#1: But, you still didn't answer my question.
Me: You mean the one that goes, "Do you have any regrets about my life?"
#1: Yeah.
Me: Yes, I do, as a matter of fact. I regret ever teaching you to talk.
#1: Hey! That's not funny!
Me: Yes, it is. That's why I'm laughing. Even Hubby thinks it's funny
#1: Hubby, you had better not be laughing.
Hubby: I am laughing at something funny in this magazine.
#1: You're reading Car and Driver. What's funny about that?
Hubby: You'd be surprised.
#1: You have about three seconds to tell what's funny in there, Funny Man.
Hubby: Um, I was reading about the new hybrid cars. Mercedes has even invented one.
#1: That is NOT funny.
Hubby: I thought it was.
#1: Why?
Hubby: If I have to explain the joke, it won't be funny.
#1: That's because it wasn't funny to begin with. You were laughing because of what Mom said.
Me: Don't bring me into this.
#1: Well, he was.
Hubby: What will you do to me if I say you're right?
#1: See? I told you! You were laughing at what Mom said.
Hubby: I didn't say that.
#1: You almost said it.
Hubby: Almost isn't the same thing as really saying it.
#1: Yes, it is.
Hubby: Do you even remember why you are irritated at me?
#1: Because of something Mom said that you laughed at.
Hubby: What did she say that was so funny?
#1: I don't remember.
Hubby: She said she regretted teaching you to talk.
#1: Yes! And then you laughed at it. Why did you do that?
Hubby: Because it was funny.
Me: What will you two bicker about when I'm not around?
Hubby: Oh, she will find something. I just love it when she starts a sentence with "Let me tell you something about yourself that you didn't know."
Me: Wow! She says that?
Hubby: Yes. And then she tells me.
#1: I am just trying to improve you as a human being.
Hubby: Let me tell you something about yourself that you didn't know...
#1: Oh, that's not funny!
Me: Yes it is!