The Truant Tales

8:00 to 11:30 on weekdays and 4:00 to 7:30, 8:00 to 11:30 on weekends. These are numbers well known to almost every Indian. For the rest of you, these are the timings of IPL cricket matches. Its finally here and judging by its reception, its going to stay. IPL - Indian Premier league is the cricketing counterpart of the English Premier League, complete with drunken fans, player violence and outrageous money being thrown around for little work.

Let me make it clear - I'm not against IPL. Many purists are against the 'Slam Bam Thank you Maam' approach that this shortened form of cricket will promote. But I think it'll propagate cricket in places where it has no foothold now (i.e places where the attention spans are in the lower end of the scale. Yes, I'm looking at you - United States of America).

Test Cricket is for the purists, the real lovers of the game (I think I'm included). ODI's are those who want the faster version of the game and Twenty20's are for those who want entertainment with very little cricket. (Discarding the other varieties like Pro40, Hong Kong super sixes, French cricket, Indoor Cricket, Kwik cricket and baseball (that'll really piss 'em off)).

I enjoy all three forms of the game, but twenty20 is turning out to be a pretty forgetful affair. IPL has 58 matches in 44 days and all matches are starting to look the same. But nevertheless, its been pretty entertaining for 3 hours (or 6 hrs) in a day. Entertaining, even though my team (Royal challengers Bangalore) has performed badly (3 wins in 12 games).

PROs of twenty20:

The only pro I can think about are the cheerleaders. I consider myself quite an expert in this subject. So here's my ranking of the top cheerleading squads in the tournament:

8) Delhi Daredevils : They have no cheerleaders!!! A cardinal sin in my book. Instead they have guys dressed up as balls (cricket balls, that is).
7) Mumbai Indians : Two guys, two girls with horrible uniforms. The guys show more skin than the girls. Its so bad that I had trouble choosing between Delhi's ball mascots and Mumbai Cheerleaders.
6) Chennai Superkings : Same as Mumbai Indians, except the gals and guys (thank god) are fully covered up. Dressed in yellow, they look like canaries.
5) Kolkata Knightriders : Good looking gals imported from east Europe (I think). Too bad with black and Golden(!!) skirts they have one of the gaudiest uniforms.
4) Kings XI Punjab : Good looking gals, again with horrible uniforms. Funny to see them dance to bangra beats (Bhangra - 'its like screwing a bulb and petting a dog')
3) Deccan Chargers : Great looking girls. Too bad they're fully covered up in black.
2) Rajastan Royals : Not one. Not two. But three cheerleading squads!!!! Pretty Cool looking too.
1) Royal Challengers Bangalore : Trust Vijay Mallya to outsource cheerleading to the Washington Redskin cheerleading squad (what an Irony!!). Too bad with RCB having a bad run, the cheerleaders have little to do.



CONS of twenty20:

Advertisements:
- The number of Ads between the overs is mindblowing. Infact, its like watching ads with a few bowls bowled in between. There's no time for replays, commentary points etc
- Even when the match is going on, the screen is reduced to fit an ad below, or in the side. Of course, the scorecards, replays, interviews are all sponsored and Ads are liberally plastered over the segments.
- Sixes are now called 'Dlf sixes', catches are called 'Citi moment of success' and anykind of player interaction is called 'Fly Kingfisher Fair Play award'.
- The players are starting to look like F1 drivers. Ads on the helmet, sleeves, pants, shirts, bats and even napkins. Even the cheerleaders have adspace on the little clothing they wear.
- The stadiums are covered with ads, a few ads on the ground, stumps, dugouts, flags etc.

Class trashed by Brutality:
Players of class are totally overpowered by players who can powerfully strike the ball. Edges go for sixes and fours. The grounds are so small that spinners have little chance. Who wants to see a clasy straight drive when a brutal forehand like shot yields better results.

Extraa Innings:
A horrendous post match show hosted by models (According to India Today 'the males put on more lip gloss than the females'). Even though they have an ex-cricketer accompaning them, the models would rather give their opinions than ask the experts. You get insatnt classics like 'I think he should go out and perform well' or 'the bowler must try to get wickets' or 'if they score runs and get wickets, they'll win the game')

"Violence between players? Scantily clad cheerleaders? Toss in a rant by Charles Barkley and three minutes of commercials for every 45 seconds of actual game time and cricket may finally be ready for a mainstream American audience."
The Los Angeles Times warms to the idea of Twenty20 cricket after hearing about the IPL

Why are the aged so averse to newer technology?

Last week, G'mom had to go to a temple that was quite some distance from the house. So mom suggested that she take my mobile so that we could pick her up after the function. After explaining its functionalities, G'mom reluctantly took it.

3 hours later, when we got no word from her, mom called her repeatedly with no answer on the other end. Picture this, G'mom sitting meditatively in the temple, the mobile blaring out Sweet Child O' Mine (That's my ringtone) and no one in the temple had any idea where the music was coming from (Its a temple. The average age being about 60). Least of all my G'mom who seemed to be oblivious to the fact that she had a ringing mobile in her purse. Apparently G'mom tried calling us up later but she couldn't figure out how to unlock the mobile (mine has 'autolock' i.e it locks up after 30 seconds).

This is not the only instance G'mom has struggled with technology. She has TataSky (satellite Tv service), a dvd layer, a music system and the tv, all in close proximity to each other in the house, i.e 4 remotes in all. That's 3 too many for her, and she gets really confused. I've seen her use the music system remote for the tv, and when the music plays and not video on tv, she assumes the Tv needs repairing (i.e she'll tap it gently in all possible places and then give up and start to curse technology all together).

Mom gave her the basic 'Nokia' model phone (3310) last week, and G'mom doesn't look too happy with the added responsibilities i.e Recharging the phone and not losing the phone. It took her sometime to get used to the cordless phone and now the same amount of learning for the new mobile phone sounds seems painful to her.

Why, just yesterday, I found her explaining to a recorded vodafone message (those goddamn ads asking you to buy caller tunes) that he had called the wrong number.