The Truant Tales

How to manipulate the exam system

A good engineering gets maximum output with minimum input, but a great engineering student gets maximum output with no input. After two years of engineering, I think I’ve hit upon the perfect formula to get the most Marks from minimum amount of effort.

I)Size Matters

It’s one of life’s awful truths (Haven’t you been reading all those spam messages!!!). It’s never the content but the size that counts. This is because the teacher has to correct an enormous number of papers after yours, so he/she has little time to read through all the crap you can conjure. This is why most teachers read only the first few lines and then allocate marks with respect to the length of the answer. So the way to get most marks is to diligently write the first few lines and then make up the rest.

When the question demands the answer in brief, the best possible answer would be one that beats around the bush, and after beating around that bush, it would further beat around another bush.

One such trick is to extensively use of cliches, idioms, twisted sentence structures and other such grammatical tools that would extend the length of the answer. Using namely, vis-à-vis, videlicet, that is, etc.

A common trick I use is to make up words, if I can’t describe something. I used it quite often in my History exams when I hadn’t prepared at all for the exam, frequently using words like azotization, oligaris, confundingisms.

II)Unleash the writer in you

The subject I dreaded the most was History. I couldn’t remember any dates. This is why I would unleash the writer in me and write stories based on the little facts that know (i.e. learnt from seeing the movie Gandhi).

For e.g.:
Describe the Jallianwala Bagh Massacre

It was on a cold gloomy day that the fate of the Indian sub-continent would be decided. The events that transpired in the small park in Amritsar would shake awake an entire nation and give the freedom struggle the impetus that would ultimately lead to independence. With cold blooded precision, the British Army, led by the nefarious General Dyer, surrounded and fired at a group of innocent demonstrators. Men, Women and even children were shot without a second thought. A lot of men were shot while scaling the walls of the park. With all entrances blocked, many men, women and children jumped into the solitary well in the park so that they wouldn’t die a dishonorable death in the hands of the British. The inhumaneness of the incident caused a tumultuous uproar all over the country, inflaming the Anti-British sentiments and acted as a catalyst for the independence movement.

III)Remedy for the practical exams

During viva, try to go in pairs. And always choose a partner that is not too bright. This way you come off as the genius and he comes off as the hick.

IV)Internal marks

Semester exams are evaluated by an external corrector. There is no way you can influence marks (even though I’ve heard stories where people write “I ordain this paper with the lord’s blessings”), whereas internals (or monthly exams held by the college) are corrected by professors who teach you. This is where a special engineering trick comes handy. It's called sucking-up. Sycophantic ass kissing will get you a long way up the academic and the corporate ladder. They teach it in entrepreneurship!!