The A.S.S Report
Thursday, 21. June 2007, 13:29:06
Today's is a special post. Offensive and not funny, very few bloggers can manage that. It'll have my alter ego - Arkan Singh Shourie interviewing George . W . Bush (Jr).
Arkan Singh Shourie : Hello and Welcome. Thank you for coming here.
George W Bush : Glad to be here. Its not like I have anything better to do.
A.S.S : Critics of the war have slammed you and the government. No WMD's have been found as of yet. What kind of reason do you plan to give now?
G.W.B : Democracy. Iraq was becoming like a dictatorship. This was threatening the stability of the Middle East. Dictatorship would soon spread through other Middle Eastern countries like Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Lebanon, Germany and Canada. This is why we has to depose Saddam.(laughs, and then whispers), between you and me,What kind of name is Saddam - Sad Damn? Why can't he have a normal name like DICK cheney or Rice or Bush.
A.S.S : Talking about Iraq, the war has had an adverse impact on America's economy. How do you plan to solve this economic crisis?
G.W.B : Its all taken care of. Now that the government has the power to go through everybody's e-mail, I've found the answer. Apparently, the Nigerian Dictator has been deposed and he needs a small amount of money to get back into power, and in return is promising a whole load of Cash!! Its foolproof.
A.S.S : Are you going to implement the Baker-Hamilton Commission on Iraq?
G.W.B : I still haven't read it. Its 30 pages thick!!! and it has very small font. I'm still trying to finish Dixie Pixie in wonderland. You know, its here that I got the Iraq policy.
A.S.S : Your approval ratings are slipping fast. Its now nearly 28%. This is affecting the republic party, lowering its popularity. How do you expect to fare well in the 2008 election against names like Hillary and Obama.
G.W.B : 28%!!. Thats also Hillary's approval rating with Bill (laughs). If she wins, Bill Clinton will be the first male to be first lady (laughs). We'll win the same way as we won in the 2004 elections against Kerry. Lies, Oil-Money and public flattery.
A.S.S : In this year's 2.5 Trillion Dollar budget, you decreased spending in Education and increased spending in Military. Aren't you afraid of an adverse impact?
G.W.B : I believe that kids don't need education. Look at me, I missed all classes and grew up fine. That's how I became a winner and not an unwinner.
A.S.S : Well, we're out of time. Its been a pleasure talking to you.
G.W.B : Glad to be here in India. I've heard so much about India. I love pocohontas, Chief Tamanend, Apache Indians, Mohicans....
A.S.S : No, wait. You're getting us confused with American Indians.
G.W.B : Oh, Sorry. I love Bob Marley, Shaggy, Reggae, Cricket, and the beaches..
A.S.S : No, those are West Indians. We're the country that had Mahatma Gandhi, Tagore, CV Raman, Bollywood, yoga...
G.W.B : No, doesn't ring a bell.
A.S.S : How about, Chicken Tikka Masala, Tech support, IT, BPO???
G.W.B : No, sorry.
A.S.S : Kamasutra....
G.W.B : Oh, that India. I love India...
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Arkan Singh Shourie : Hello and Welcome. Thank you for coming here.
George W Bush : Glad to be here. Its not like I have anything better to do.
A.S.S : Critics of the war have slammed you and the government. No WMD's have been found as of yet. What kind of reason do you plan to give now?
G.W.B : Democracy. Iraq was becoming like a dictatorship. This was threatening the stability of the Middle East. Dictatorship would soon spread through other Middle Eastern countries like Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Lebanon, Germany and Canada. This is why we has to depose Saddam.(laughs, and then whispers), between you and me,What kind of name is Saddam - Sad Damn? Why can't he have a normal name like DICK cheney or Rice or Bush.
A.S.S : Talking about Iraq, the war has had an adverse impact on America's economy. How do you plan to solve this economic crisis?
G.W.B : Its all taken care of. Now that the government has the power to go through everybody's e-mail, I've found the answer. Apparently, the Nigerian Dictator has been deposed and he needs a small amount of money to get back into power, and in return is promising a whole load of Cash!! Its foolproof.
A.S.S : Are you going to implement the Baker-Hamilton Commission on Iraq?
G.W.B : I still haven't read it. Its 30 pages thick!!! and it has very small font. I'm still trying to finish Dixie Pixie in wonderland. You know, its here that I got the Iraq policy.
A.S.S : Your approval ratings are slipping fast. Its now nearly 28%. This is affecting the republic party, lowering its popularity. How do you expect to fare well in the 2008 election against names like Hillary and Obama.
G.W.B : 28%!!. Thats also Hillary's approval rating with Bill (laughs). If she wins, Bill Clinton will be the first male to be first lady (laughs). We'll win the same way as we won in the 2004 elections against Kerry. Lies, Oil-Money and public flattery.
A.S.S : In this year's 2.5 Trillion Dollar budget, you decreased spending in Education and increased spending in Military. Aren't you afraid of an adverse impact?
G.W.B : I believe that kids don't need education. Look at me, I missed all classes and grew up fine. That's how I became a winner and not an unwinner.
A.S.S : Well, we're out of time. Its been a pleasure talking to you.
G.W.B : Glad to be here in India. I've heard so much about India. I love pocohontas, Chief Tamanend, Apache Indians, Mohicans....
A.S.S : No, wait. You're getting us confused with American Indians.
G.W.B : Oh, Sorry. I love Bob Marley, Shaggy, Reggae, Cricket, and the beaches..
A.S.S : No, those are West Indians. We're the country that had Mahatma Gandhi, Tagore, CV Raman, Bollywood, yoga...
G.W.B : No, doesn't ring a bell.
A.S.S : How about, Chicken Tikka Masala, Tech support, IT, BPO???
G.W.B : No, sorry.
A.S.S : Kamasutra....
G.W.B : Oh, that India. I love India...
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A letter of Apology,
I'm really sorry for this horrible post. Its demeaning even for my standards. It looked really funny when I was writing it in a note-book yesterday night at 2:00 AM. But as I type it now, I realize that it contains a lot of groaners which aren't that funny at all.
(25%)
WIDGETIZE