The Truant Tales

Read the title in Arnold's accent. Sounds Cooler.

Anyway, I'm back to the online world - back to the world of spam, inane status messages and useless twitters.

The rail wheel factory project was hastily completed, at last. Whoopee! We had to fudge a lot of numbers, the design seems totally flawed and it can barely even increase production if implemented. That's what you get when you give a factory design project to a bunch of 3rd year mechanical students. The amazing part though, and the most shocking part, was that the project in-charge took 30 secs to peruse through our 60 page project (A month's work of slacking), scratched his chin a bit ('The government official in thought' look) and then declared that this was a very good project!

Almost immediately after the end of the project, the sixth semester started. This is the worst semester for mechanical students, ever (Deja Vu. I'm pretty sure I said the same about the last semester). It's a semester of subjects like; Finite Elemental Analysis, Mechanical Vibrations, Theory of Elasticity, Design of Machine Elements II, Heat Mass Transfer and Mechatronics (Yup, we're soo advanced that we have to make up words).

So, to deal with the hopelessness of this semester, a bunch of friends decided to go to Pondicherry and get drunk. It was a three day vacation. Pondicherry is a beautiful place, really clean, especially the French Quarter.


The promenade

I don't remember most of it. Time seemed to fly by, the place seemed unfocused and the ground unsteady. 'Beer - the root and solution to life's problems' - Homer J.

Life's a bitch and here's more proof: It took me a long time to get my voter's ID card. Then life steals it away. The dates for Election 2009 are announced and I can't vote (it's a pain to get the duplicate, and most likely, I won't get it on time). To quote the incumbent, inefficient, incoherent, unintelligent state government - 'It's a conspiracy by the opposition'. Those bastards, I won't have the pleasure of electing them out of office.

How to manipulate the exam system

A good engineering gets maximum output with minimum input, but a great engineering student gets maximum output with no input. After two years of engineering, I think I’ve hit upon the perfect formula to get the most Marks from minimum amount of effort.

I)Size Matters

It’s one of life’s awful truths (Haven’t you been reading all those spam messages!!!). It’s never the content but the size that counts. This is because the teacher has to correct an enormous number of papers after yours, so he/she has little time to read through all the crap you can conjure. This is why most teachers read only the first few lines and then allocate marks with respect to the length of the answer. So the way to get most marks is to diligently write the first few lines and then make up the rest.

When the question demands the answer in brief, the best possible answer would be one that beats around the bush, and after beating around that bush, it would further beat around another bush.

One such trick is to extensively use of cliches, idioms, twisted sentence structures and other such grammatical tools that would extend the length of the answer. Using namely, vis-à-vis, videlicet, that is, etc.

A common trick I use is to make up words, if I can’t describe something. I used it quite often in my History exams when I hadn’t prepared at all for the exam, frequently using words like azotization, oligaris, confundingisms.

II)Unleash the writer in you

The subject I dreaded the most was History. I couldn’t remember any dates. This is why I would unleash the writer in me and write stories based on the little facts that know (i.e. learnt from seeing the movie Gandhi).

For e.g.:
Describe the Jallianwala Bagh Massacre

It was on a cold gloomy day that the fate of the Indian sub-continent would be decided. The events that transpired in the small park in Amritsar would shake awake an entire nation and give the freedom struggle the impetus that would ultimately lead to independence. With cold blooded precision, the British Army, led by the nefarious General Dyer, surrounded and fired at a group of innocent demonstrators. Men, Women and even children were shot without a second thought. A lot of men were shot while scaling the walls of the park. With all entrances blocked, many men, women and children jumped into the solitary well in the park so that they wouldn’t die a dishonorable death in the hands of the British. The inhumaneness of the incident caused a tumultuous uproar all over the country, inflaming the Anti-British sentiments and acted as a catalyst for the independence movement.

III)Remedy for the practical exams

During viva, try to go in pairs. And always choose a partner that is not too bright. This way you come off as the genius and he comes off as the hick.

IV)Internal marks

Semester exams are evaluated by an external corrector. There is no way you can influence marks (even though I’ve heard stories where people write “I ordain this paper with the lord’s blessings”), whereas internals (or monthly exams held by the college) are corrected by professors who teach you. This is where a special engineering trick comes handy. It's called sucking-up. Sycophantic ass kissing will get you a long way up the academic and the corporate ladder. They teach it in entrepreneurship!!

Aaahhh!!! The day of love. The day when Rose prices triple, chocolates get costlier and every second Ad reminds you that love can only last as long as you gift your girlfriend a diamond. Its also the day when the Shiv Sena, the Bajrang Dal and all the local 'dateless' goons go out on the streets, burn Valentine's Day cards and beat up couples (even if they're married). The irony is that these are the same people who sit through an entire Blue film and then at the end of it they protest the obsenity in the movie.

What did I do on Feb 14th. I had to attend college. 2nd Semester is just like 1st semester. I'm still bored. This semester is less hectic than the first one. Its longer too, 5 months compared to 3 and a 1/2 months.

The funniest teacher would have to be the physics teacher. He's really enthusiastic about the subject. He speaks really rapidly and jumps all over the class room. " I'm going to teach Stefan's law. Do you know what Stefan's Law is? Do you want to know Stefan's Law is? It's really nice and helpful. Should I teach Stefan's Law? Ok, I'm going to teach Stefan's Law". Imagine that told to you really rapidly.

The electrical engineering teacher is totally the opposite. He's so slow its like watching a sloth bear teach.

Its been a week and I already forgot what's they taught. But what the heck, internals are a long way away. Moreover there are more important things going on. Like the India Vs Sri Lanka Match ( Rahul Dravid showed why he's the most dependable Indian batsman), Australia Vs New Zealand (Is this the decline of Australian Cricket?) and its just a month to the World Cup.