The Truant Tales

8:00 to 11:30 on weekdays and 4:00 to 7:30, 8:00 to 11:30 on weekends. These are numbers well known to almost every Indian. For the rest of you, these are the timings of IPL cricket matches. Its finally here and judging by its reception, its going to stay. IPL - Indian Premier league is the cricketing counterpart of the English Premier League, complete with drunken fans, player violence and outrageous money being thrown around for little work.

Let me make it clear - I'm not against IPL. Many purists are against the 'Slam Bam Thank you Maam' approach that this shortened form of cricket will promote. But I think it'll propagate cricket in places where it has no foothold now (i.e places where the attention spans are in the lower end of the scale. Yes, I'm looking at you - United States of America).

Test Cricket is for the purists, the real lovers of the game (I think I'm included). ODI's are those who want the faster version of the game and Twenty20's are for those who want entertainment with very little cricket. (Discarding the other varieties like Pro40, Hong Kong super sixes, French cricket, Indoor Cricket, Kwik cricket and baseball (that'll really piss 'em off)).

I enjoy all three forms of the game, but twenty20 is turning out to be a pretty forgetful affair. IPL has 58 matches in 44 days and all matches are starting to look the same. But nevertheless, its been pretty entertaining for 3 hours (or 6 hrs) in a day. Entertaining, even though my team (Royal challengers Bangalore) has performed badly (3 wins in 12 games).

PROs of twenty20:

The only pro I can think about are the cheerleaders. I consider myself quite an expert in this subject. So here's my ranking of the top cheerleading squads in the tournament:

8) Delhi Daredevils : They have no cheerleaders!!! A cardinal sin in my book. Instead they have guys dressed up as balls (cricket balls, that is).
7) Mumbai Indians : Two guys, two girls with horrible uniforms. The guys show more skin than the girls. Its so bad that I had trouble choosing between Delhi's ball mascots and Mumbai Cheerleaders.
6) Chennai Superkings : Same as Mumbai Indians, except the gals and guys (thank god) are fully covered up. Dressed in yellow, they look like canaries.
5) Kolkata Knightriders : Good looking gals imported from east Europe (I think). Too bad with black and Golden(!!) skirts they have one of the gaudiest uniforms.
4) Kings XI Punjab : Good looking gals, again with horrible uniforms. Funny to see them dance to bangra beats (Bhangra - 'its like screwing a bulb and petting a dog')
3) Deccan Chargers : Great looking girls. Too bad they're fully covered up in black.
2) Rajastan Royals : Not one. Not two. But three cheerleading squads!!!! Pretty Cool looking too.
1) Royal Challengers Bangalore : Trust Vijay Mallya to outsource cheerleading to the Washington Redskin cheerleading squad (what an Irony!!). Too bad with RCB having a bad run, the cheerleaders have little to do.



CONS of twenty20:

Advertisements:
- The number of Ads between the overs is mindblowing. Infact, its like watching ads with a few bowls bowled in between. There's no time for replays, commentary points etc
- Even when the match is going on, the screen is reduced to fit an ad below, or in the side. Of course, the scorecards, replays, interviews are all sponsored and Ads are liberally plastered over the segments.
- Sixes are now called 'Dlf sixes', catches are called 'Citi moment of success' and anykind of player interaction is called 'Fly Kingfisher Fair Play award'.
- The players are starting to look like F1 drivers. Ads on the helmet, sleeves, pants, shirts, bats and even napkins. Even the cheerleaders have adspace on the little clothing they wear.
- The stadiums are covered with ads, a few ads on the ground, stumps, dugouts, flags etc.

Class trashed by Brutality:
Players of class are totally overpowered by players who can powerfully strike the ball. Edges go for sixes and fours. The grounds are so small that spinners have little chance. Who wants to see a clasy straight drive when a brutal forehand like shot yields better results.

Extraa Innings:
A horrendous post match show hosted by models (According to India Today 'the males put on more lip gloss than the females'). Even though they have an ex-cricketer accompaning them, the models would rather give their opinions than ask the experts. You get insatnt classics like 'I think he should go out and perform well' or 'the bowler must try to get wickets' or 'if they score runs and get wickets, they'll win the game')

"Violence between players? Scantily clad cheerleaders? Toss in a rant by Charles Barkley and three minutes of commercials for every 45 seconds of actual game time and cricket may finally be ready for a mainstream American audience."
The Los Angeles Times warms to the idea of Twenty20 cricket after hearing about the IPL

Happenings:

College is soooooo boring. Classes go on and on and on, just like an Indian politician's criminal record. The lectures go through one ear and out the ear (my eyes are usually closed and my brain's already posted a sign - 'temporarily closed'). Apart from catching up on sleep, we also play hangman (now run out of movies to give. Hint: the toughest movie to guess is XXX). Also books are a good alternative. While some play with their mobiles, others type out words (usually obscene) in a Calculator.

But at last, I've gone ahead and enrolled into a gym. Yup, time to pump some Iron. According to the trainer I'll have to inculcate good habits, and stick to a particular schedule. I'm sure I'm going to be his first failure.


Me in 3 months?....nah

Cricket:

India just lost a series against England (3-4). We played well to come up from behind (1-3 at one stage). From tomorrow, a new era of cricket starts - T20. 20 overs a side, fast and furious cricket (and silly). The role of the bowlers will be severely reduced and might as well be replaced by bowling machines. India, Pakistan and Scotland are in one group - Traditional rivalry used to increase TRP.

Tomorrow:

I'm contemplating whether to post a another corny poem about people killing each other or a poem about Spam that won't be tolerated by people with a positive IQ.

The last week has been depressing. The world has collapsed and my lips can't form a smile. The life out of me has been sucked out, leaving an empty void. No, I'm not depressed over a trivial thing like my marks in the exam. Whats got me depressed is the dismal performance of the Indian Cricket Team. Also, The demise of one of the greatest cricket coach's, Bob Woolmer,has me depressed.

The Indian team is the richest sports team in all of Asia, Africa,Australia-pacific, Antartica (that's 4 out of the 6 continents), and BCCI (Board of cricket control in India - sounds like a pest control agency) is the RICHEST SPORTING BODY in the world with an estimate net worth of 1.7 billion dollars.

Even with all the cash in the world, they lost to a lowly Bangladesh and then to a formidable Sri Lanka. They played like a bunch of octagenerians. If only they had scored as many runs as the ads they featured in. Ganguly played very selfishly, Sachin failed, Dhoni messed up badly. The Captain, Dravid was the lone man who tried to get the team to victory. Bangladesh trashed Bermuda yesterday, ensuring that India is out of the compitetion. I beleive we should blame Indira Gandhi for this loss, She was the one who helped create Bangladesh.

In India, fanatic fans burnt the effigies (a stick with a painted melon), mock funerals, and were throwing stones at the cricketer's houses. The ironic thing is that these people leave their jobs and protest against the Indian team for not doing their job properly. These are the same people, who before the cup had performed 'pujas' and 'yagnas' for the team. All I can say to these fanatical fans is that they should GET A LIFE!!

So, I bid you goodbye as i try to break my record of changing the most channels in a minute.