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The Truant Tales

Expect nothing. And I'll live upto it.

Posts tagged with "misc"

Misinterpreted Symbolism

College is a drag and you should have know that by now. With nothing to do but stare at the 'living dead' lecture us in a mournful plaintive voice, the mind devices games. With nothing more than tirades to blog about, I present 'Misinterpreted Symbolism':

Inspiration:

There is a hilarious scene in the movie 'Dogma' (the movie starts of well, ends up as gibberish). Loki, the angel of destruction has had a falling out with God (Alanis Morissete. Masterful casting), and is now trying to convince a nun that there is No God.

Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it - Do it and I'll f**kin' spank you. "

Brilliant. They turned an obvious narcotic inspired poem like that into a critique on the religious practices.

My Turn:

My target is Barney the Dinosaur. Why? Because I came up with this during my DOM (Dynamics of Machines) class and the bloated teacher wearing a purple shirt reminded me of Barney.


Barney and friends is an indictment of the feudal system. Barney, fat and purple - which of course are the symbols of prosperity and royalty. The green symbolises money, envy, decay and toxicity. Also Barney is the Dinosaur, proudly proclaiming itself as the top of the food chain. Obviously, Barney signifies the odious pomposity of Louis XVI. A French Revolution deja vu? In the show, they sing and dance, while a bunch of helpless kids, the repressed class, observe their shenanigans. And then what? The children imitate them, follow each and every advice given by their accepted teacher, Barney, without even a second thought of what they are saying or doing. Hypnotism? Maybe. Brain washing? Definitely. The background, the show is featured in a bastille like stage. Barney's friends, in their grotesque forms represent Marie-Antoinette (the creepy green narcissist one with excessive make-up), Charles Alexandre de Calonne (the short one, not featured) and Étienne Charles de Loménie de Brienne (the freckled one that wants to a backstreet boy). Oh Barney, you surreptitious bastard, I can't wait for your ass to be kicked by the repressed class.

Do what I do best

I'm really good at this, but for those who need some tips, here it is:

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF :


1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."


By the way, the entire list is a copy of an email forward. So please don't send me message congratulating me for my increased sense of humour.

For the bored

Here's something you can do on the net to pass time. Presenting the name generator.

The very British name : Oh Blimey, You can find out your British name with this one.
Mine's Quentin Wilkinson. Time to go for a tea break and discuss the golden past.

Dragon name generator : Find out your name in the eragon / dragon-heart world.
Mine's Itrenog the Bringer-of-Fire (Green Dragon). Green's the colour of a very sick dragon.

The Silly White Guy Who Thinks He Is Actually A Black Gangsta' Rapper But Is Actually Trippin' Since He Is A White Fo' name : Yo Dog, here's a trippin' generator. Whats your rapper name?
Mine's Rhymin' Gangsta' The G-Unit and Dirty Ho.

What your friends would really like to call you : What does your dearest buddy call you?
Apparently my friends call me 'winnie the pooh'. Ohhh...I'm gonna kill tigger.

The Third Grade Insult : Third grade was hard on all of us. This is a nifty little thing to generate third grade insults.
Mine's Lieutenant Dorkus G. Ding-Dong. That's way cooler than my current nickname.

The Damned Hippie Name Generator : Wow, man, you'll really dig this. Its like.... a peep into your soul. This is like...man....out of this...like world man.
Mine's Lilac Cornucopia and Indigo Starlight. As masculine as it gets.

I don't have the time or Patience to go through the myriad name generators. I'll leave the rest for the truly bored out there. Until next time, see you.