The Truant Tales

Yesterday, someone reported that a Sai Baba marble Idol had opened one of its eyes (The idol was initially posed in penance with both its eyes closed). A few hours later, hundreds of people thronged the place, to catch a glimpse of this 'miracle'.

The family that owned the idol - a phenol merchant, his wife and their son, were cleaning the idol when they saw the marble idol wink and its left eye open up. I strongly suspect that phenol vapours had something to do with this hallucination.

What irks me is that moments later, a crowd arrived to catch this act of God. None of them bothered to cross check if the eye was painted on. And apparently the phenol merchant was selling souvenirs there.

Its sad to say that such cases of blind belief are common in India. The most famous one was in the late nineties, when a Ganesha Idol 'drank' milk. If you tilted a bottle towards this idol, the idol drinks the milk. Millions of imbeciles gathered and presumably a lot of milk was wasted. On further investigation (i.e by a guy who studied science till the 10th standard), it was clear that the clay idol was porous and absorbent. Which meant that it 'drank' any liquid - Milk, water, coke and maybe even been (nobody tried). It even absorbed the liquids through its hair, stomach, arms and other parts which they didn't try.

But the 'miracle' that is most vivid, is one that happened last year in Mahim, Mumbai. During the festivities marking the birth anniversary of some medieval saint, when people noticed that the sea water tasted sweet (Why someone would taste it, is a question for another post). A 'Miracle', the ignorant screamed. Hundreds more rushed there and they all drank the 'sweet' briny water. 'I can see again', 'My back problem is rectified', 'I can walk again', all things the ignorant said.

It turns out that the sewage treatment plant of a nearby industry broke out and the effluents were being released untreated. Also, Mahim creek is the most polluted creek in Mumbai. It came as no shock when the number of Gastroenteritis cases in that area increased.

There are innumerable such 'miracles'. From Idols changing colours (Painting or coating with a dye), a Bleeding Jesus (good ol' ketchup thrown on the statue) and other such 'miracles'.

Now, I assumed the mantel of God (a la 'Bruce Almighty'), why would I justify my presence to the mortals by performing such asinine displays, which even the local magician PC Sorkar can emulate with ease (and with better conviction). Instead, I'd rather do it on a grander scale like, a million volts of lightening towards a limestone formation and carving out 'GOD RULZ' or 'ATHEISM SUX' or a bust of me or something of that effect. That'd blow everyone's socks off.

PLEASE don't leave me any vicious comments, called me a 'Blasphemer', a 'sinner' or anything you twits can come up with. Its my blog, so my opinion supersedes all. If you have an argument, shove it up your gluteus maximus. As far as you're concerned, I'm the plenipotentiary of this blog, ruling with an iron fist, deleting all comments I consider unfit.

Well at last I got my computer back. My cousins are gone and all is normal. Its nice being back in my own house without being scared that some small kid might pop up and punch my crotch. I wonder why small kids like to bring me pain just so that they have a moment or two of laughter. Maybe its because I remind them of a character in teletubbies. That explains why their favorite game, is to act like they're shooting me dead.

Anyway, all that is passed. College is like a prescription for insomnia. Its as if there's a cloud of chloroform hanging above it. The good news is that all college lectures are over for the semester. But the bad news is that all that remains are the end of semester main exams. There's no way I study for that. First of all its the holidays and moreover it marks the start of the India Vs South Africa test match and India is in prime form (I think).

Apart from Indian Cricket the condition of Indian Sport is pathetic. Its like the US army in Iraq - bruised,battered and very controversial. In the recent Asian Games we came 7th after China, South Korea, Thailand, Taiwan, etc. It's also a disgrace that the Indian who won a silver medal in the 800m race, failed a gender test. Turns out 'she's' a 'he'. 'She'd' be even more upset about the fact that 'she' lost to a lady.

This had opened up a very interesting conversation with my father - What the hell is a gender test!!! It was funny to see my father cover 'her' hair with bits of paper and then proclaim- 'No I'd have to look at the entire picture to figure out whether its a man or woman'.

The only people who'd be pleased with this are the Indian wrestlers. They're offence of failing a dope test is paltry compared to this.

Well, these are the kinds of news that'll keep all us newspaper readers happy.