Linda

2009 MENSA INVITATIONAL WINNERS OF NEW WORDS

Wednesday, 16. September 2009, 19:30:26

The Washington Post's Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12.. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your Bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men.

Oh, my goodness, I do love these things!

THIS IS NOT YOUR EVERYDAY TREE!CONGRATULATIONS, PAUL & STACEY!

Comments

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Stardancer # 16. September 2009, 20:20

Hilarious!

L2D2 # 16. September 2009, 20:23

I love these things. They just tickle me to death. And these definitions are so apt!

gdare # 16. September 2009, 20:25

"2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole."

Now I have to expand my English dictionary

L2D2 # 16. September 2009, 20:43

Yes. I want to start talking and throw these words into casual conversation and see if anyone notices. That would be fun.

L2D2 # 16. September 2009, 20:46

Better copy these, Dare, so you can use them. Hi Star. Glad you liked them.

Thanks, Graham. I thought so.

Nerak # 16. September 2009, 21:08

These words rule!

L2D2 # 16. September 2009, 21:11

I think they are very good, myself. Next time I get mad at someone I am going to shout "You ignoranus!" You are a Glibido!" muhahahah

Nerak # 16. September 2009, 21:18

LMFAO!!!

Dacotah # 16. September 2009, 21:34

ellinidata # 16. September 2009, 21:47

" 12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists."

hahahahahahha

thanks for sharing!!!

L2D2 # 16. September 2009, 22:04

Carol

Angeliki, I like that one also, and the Pokemon!

L2D2 # 16. September 2009, 22:04

Insanity. All is insanity!

Suntana # 16. September 2009, 22:30

Okay, Giraffiti was REALLY reaching.

I'm obviously NOT in Mensa. I didn't get the Sarchasm one. I had to study it and analyze it. I was like, "Does it have something to do with "arch?" I finally deduced it must have something to do with possibly "chasm" being a word. I looked up "chasm" and lo & behold, it IS a word. Then "Sarchasm" makes sense.

Osteopornosis

Does Karmageddon have a Karma Chameleon connection?

Decafalon

I must admit I encountered a little bit of dyslexia upon reading this one. It seriously started looking something like a derivative of Defecate.

Lotta hilarious ones!

L2D2 # 16. September 2009, 22:47

My analytical friend, Chuck. Yes, can't believe you weren't familiar with the word chasm. They're all good.

Dacotah # 16. September 2009, 23:01

ellinidata # 17. September 2009, 02:20

Originally posted by L2D2:

and the Pokemon!

hahahaha "Armenian all the way!

edwardpiercy # 17. September 2009, 02:50

Great stuff!

Although I am now a bit worried about
the impending Karmageddon.

L2D2 # 17. September 2009, 07:43

Yes, we must try to prepare for that Edward.

L2D2 # 17. September 2009, 07:44

Angeliki, the Oyster made me think of you as you are always saying oy. Do you speak yiddish by any chance? hahah

PainterWoman # 17. September 2009, 09:57

The new words are all so funny and I love the new definitions. I know a man who 'supposedly' had taken the Mensa test and got in. He was very hyper, had the craziest of ideas and was a total brat.

This one:

"Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web."

is perfect. I also do this dance whenever I step on a bug when I'm barefoot.

Suntana # 17. September 2009, 15:29

Oh freakin' C'mon, Peppermint!
For the love of Pizza ... you're going to sit there and tell me you knew of the existence of the word chasm?

Suntana # 17. September 2009, 15:44

Pam, in reference to your Bugnoleptic dance ...
I once experienced a Roachnoleptic fit.

It was almost quitting time at work a couple years back. I felt this ever so faint sensation on my inner thigh. I didn't think it was anything. I just casually rubbed the spot. A minute or two later, I again felt the sensation. Again, I just rubbed the spot and probably this time adjusted my sitting. The 3rd time around caught my attention more prominently. This time I felt the distinct sensation of movement.

It immediately hit me, "Alright, there is officially SOMETHING in there that shouldn't be there!"

Was it a lizard? Or just exactly WHAT?

The restroom was too far away. And I have to admit that now I was a little freaked out at what could be in there, lingering inside my pants at my inner thigh. I just grabbed the area right there where I felt the intruder ... and hobbled over to this nearby room. I pulled my pants down right there and then and there was a ROACH in there!!!

L2D2 # 17. September 2009, 17:26

I have had roacholeptic fits myself, Chuck. Yessirree, and junebugoleptic.

Chuck, had you read as much as I do, you would know the word chasm, yes I do, and a lot more besides. Grand Canyon is a chasm. There is a wide chasm between heaven and hell. Shall I go on? One think about me Chuck----I may exaggerate but I do not lie.

ellinidata # 17. September 2009, 18:15

Originally posted by L2D2:

Do you speak yiddish by any chance? hahah

I do understand some, my mom was raised by a Jewish couple

and I do bake some amazing challah

PainterWoman # 17. September 2009, 18:20

OMG, Carlos! I don't know what I'd have done if I'd felt something crawling in my pants! I might have had a fit and dropped my pants right where I was standing. Then worn rubber bands around my pant legs every day after that.

edwardpiercy # 17. September 2009, 20:22

Here's one they might not have: Phlegmation.

Don't ask.

Suntana # 17. September 2009, 21:06

Phlegmation ... a nation full of Phlegmy people?

edwardpiercy # 17. September 2009, 21:28

Not exactly what I was thinking of, but that's a good one!

Phlegmies are attacking!

Phantom2 # 17. September 2009, 23:00

Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

This sounds like something my stoner nieghbor would come up with!

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

I love this one.....wait, that sound like me!

edwardpiercy # 17. September 2009, 23:04

@ Phantom

Led Zepplin. The Official Band of Karmageddon.

Phantom2 # 17. September 2009, 23:12

Like..wow man!

lovinmalamutes # 17. September 2009, 23:14

Minenow # 17. September 2009, 23:15

Foreploy!

These were so great Linda. Had me chuckling thru them all.

Suntana # 17. September 2009, 23:56

Now that you mention it, Phantom, that Karmageddon line does seem to fall into place if you read it while imagining it in a Tommy Chong voice.

Suntana # 18. September 2009, 00:06

OMG! I did it! I actually cleared ALL my subscriptions! Well, for about 45 seconds before another subscription popped up. Okay, so I probably still have some replies here and there to make, but at least I actually checked out all my subscriptions. Probably after I send this comment, they won't be at zero again.

L2D2 # 18. September 2009, 00:20

Foreploy was one of my favorites Mina. hahah. I laugh every time I read them. Some things just stay funny no matter how many times you read.

Karmageddon, like, wow, like, is that Valley Girl or what?

Proud of you Pumpkin. I just got my new telephone jacks installed and between us, Calvin and I got my new modem/router installed and working (not without a few detours and errors along the way) Lord, I hate installing new hardware. But it is done, I have all three puters connected to the internet again and the other two or busily updating.

So I am once again, a happy camper. Calvin was here about 6 hours!

L2D2 # 18. September 2009, 00:22

Dopeler Effect--why did my mind automatically go to you when I read this??!!! Just kidding.

Truly there are so many good ones I would have trouble picking a favorite.

Minenow # 18. September 2009, 00:24

That's got to be a great feeling, Linda.

Dang.

Three computers...

L2D2 # 18. September 2009, 00:30

Did have four but gave one away---the very first one I bought. I have two desktops and a laptop. Hardly ever use the laptop.

Minenow # 18. September 2009, 00:37

Still, that's amazing. Especially all connected like that. :abitjealous:

L2D2 # 18. September 2009, 00:43

Been shut down about two weeks because of modem problems, so my antivirus and windows updates are in the process of downloading and installing. Probably take awhile.

Suntana # 18. September 2009, 00:46

Talk about a security blanket.
Mina, Peppermint starts getting some serious anxiety when one of her THREE computers goes down and she's down to only TWO!

And if her Modem / Router goes down and she can only use ONE ... Wooooooo! We're talking Panic Attack City!

Hmmm? Peppermint, maybe you're just addicted to that Cables & Chaos that we talked about in Agneta's Blog.

You gotta have hardware, cables and ~~Shit~~ Stuff blanketing your Computer Dungeon Domain or else you'll feel Nekkid. You have Technology flowing through your veins.

Minenow # 18. September 2009, 00:47

I get

all at once if I drop my phone.

So I understand.

L2D2 # 18. September 2009, 01:06

Thank you. He has been razzing me because I had a modem/router to which I could plug 4 computers. It went out. I had to use my backup modem, which will run only one pc at a time, and my other two have sat here for two or three weeks, unupdated. So I have been not happy about that. And Chuck thinks I am spoiled or something. I replaced that modem/router with a new one today that is a different brand. And my other pcs are doing their updates as we speak.

If I get wireless USB adapters, I can also use the other two and this one as wireless, because my modem/router is already set up in case I want to use the wireless functionality.

L2D2 # 18. September 2009, 01:07

Also has Wifi capability.

Minenow # 18. September 2009, 01:30

Oh Linda. It sounds wonderful *giggles* and I have no idea what wifi is but I know I have it on my phone and never used it.

Somethings on this puppy, I know very well, other things I'm clueless.