The Real World
Monday, 10. August 2009, 17:56:15
I've been thinking a lot lately. I guess it's only natural, considering what's going to happen to me in a matter of weeks.
Do you know those times that seem so far in the future that you almost doubt they'll ever arrive? That's how I felt about college. On June 7, 2009, I received my high school diploma. It's a hazy memory now. The vision is a blur, but I can hear the audio clear as day: "Lani Beckett, Fitchburg State College." I took the diploma and turned to the right to greet two of my fellow classmates, now alumni themselves. Billy handed me a carnation. Then he and I embraced. He probably kissed me on the cheek- he does that alot- and said "Congratulations, Lani. ...I'll see you tonight." Then I hugged Dominique. She didn't give me a carnation, and Lord knows she didn't kiss me. But we, too, embraced. "Congratulations, Lani."
"Congratulations, Dom." And then I made my way back to my seat. On the way, I passed by the faculty section. Doc and T.K.O. were sitting right on the end of their row. T.K.O. was grinning and applauding. Doc was, too. He was clapping and giving me that Cheshire cat smile as I walked by. I smiled back at them. Seeing Doc smile like that made me want to cry. I'm still tearing up now, just thinking about it.
From what I know right now, there won't be any Billys or Docs or T.K.O.s at Fitchburg. There will be a Lani, and she will arrive completely untethered and unassociated with anyone. It'll be as though the last twelve years never even happened. Fitchburg will become my world. I'll be starting completely from scratch, but at the same time, going home to a place I've never been before.
Arizona seems like more of a home to me now. I fell so deeply in love with the state the same way I fell in love with my David. I've never seen any place more beautiful in my life. If I could, I fly out there right now and spend the rest of my life surrounded by red dirt and towering red rock formations.
I know I can't, though. At least, not right away. I've sworn to myself that I'll go back out there someday. When I have a job again (or at least enough money to pay my way there and back) and I need to get away from New England for a while.
That would be great. I think about that from time to time. I imagine that I'm leaving at the end of the month for Fort Defiance or Sedona or even Phoenix. I imagine that I'm getting on a plane and by the time I land I'll be surrounded by desert.
That's not the case, though. Before the fantasy goes too far, I have to pull myself back to reality and understand that I'm not going back to Fort Defiance. I'm going to Fitchburg. A place where the smokestack is glorified.
See? I'm not kidding you. It says 'Fitchburg State College' on it!
Anyway, twenty days remain until I leave for school. It's been sixty-four days since I graduated. I realize that I'm not going to be going back to Mount in the fall, and that I'm going to be starting to enter the dreaded "real world" at the end of the month.
I've been hearing a lot about that world since I was little. I've been hearing that sometimes, life can be as beautiful as an Arizona sunset. And sometimes, it can look like a big frickin' smokestack. The real world was another one of those things that was so far away that I never thought it would really arrive.
Well, I guess the joke was on me. Because here it comes.
I wonder if I'm ready,
Lani
Do you know those times that seem so far in the future that you almost doubt they'll ever arrive? That's how I felt about college. On June 7, 2009, I received my high school diploma. It's a hazy memory now. The vision is a blur, but I can hear the audio clear as day: "Lani Beckett, Fitchburg State College." I took the diploma and turned to the right to greet two of my fellow classmates, now alumni themselves. Billy handed me a carnation. Then he and I embraced. He probably kissed me on the cheek- he does that alot- and said "Congratulations, Lani. ...I'll see you tonight." Then I hugged Dominique. She didn't give me a carnation, and Lord knows she didn't kiss me. But we, too, embraced. "Congratulations, Lani."
"Congratulations, Dom." And then I made my way back to my seat. On the way, I passed by the faculty section. Doc and T.K.O. were sitting right on the end of their row. T.K.O. was grinning and applauding. Doc was, too. He was clapping and giving me that Cheshire cat smile as I walked by. I smiled back at them. Seeing Doc smile like that made me want to cry. I'm still tearing up now, just thinking about it.
From what I know right now, there won't be any Billys or Docs or T.K.O.s at Fitchburg. There will be a Lani, and she will arrive completely untethered and unassociated with anyone. It'll be as though the last twelve years never even happened. Fitchburg will become my world. I'll be starting completely from scratch, but at the same time, going home to a place I've never been before.
Arizona seems like more of a home to me now. I fell so deeply in love with the state the same way I fell in love with my David. I've never seen any place more beautiful in my life. If I could, I fly out there right now and spend the rest of my life surrounded by red dirt and towering red rock formations.
I know I can't, though. At least, not right away. I've sworn to myself that I'll go back out there someday. When I have a job again (or at least enough money to pay my way there and back) and I need to get away from New England for a while. That would be great. I think about that from time to time. I imagine that I'm leaving at the end of the month for Fort Defiance or Sedona or even Phoenix. I imagine that I'm getting on a plane and by the time I land I'll be surrounded by desert.
That's not the case, though. Before the fantasy goes too far, I have to pull myself back to reality and understand that I'm not going back to Fort Defiance. I'm going to Fitchburg. A place where the smokestack is glorified.
See? I'm not kidding you. It says 'Fitchburg State College' on it!Anyway, twenty days remain until I leave for school. It's been sixty-four days since I graduated. I realize that I'm not going to be going back to Mount in the fall, and that I'm going to be starting to enter the dreaded "real world" at the end of the month.
I've been hearing a lot about that world since I was little. I've been hearing that sometimes, life can be as beautiful as an Arizona sunset. And sometimes, it can look like a big frickin' smokestack. The real world was another one of those things that was so far away that I never thought it would really arrive.
Well, I guess the joke was on me. Because here it comes.
I wonder if I'm ready,
Lani
WIDGETIZE
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