It's a trip

Some of the Chuck's favorites:


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.



ha ha you cant mess with chuck!

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

The Pistons’ second victory over the Pacers in as many nights was very different from the first. A second-quarter explosion allowed the Pistons to coast Friday night, but they had to grind it out Saturday, holding a 90-89 lead with two minutes left before making all the necessary plays down the stretch. Rip Hamilton led the way again with 24 points and Rasheed Wallace had a double-double with 10 points and 10 rebounds.

Detroit keeping it hard!
at least some good news today,everything else has been a
shit,i mean im listening to Danzig and thats just bad,
but Pistons are makin my day
Rashhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeed !!

Major General Webelo (later Commander) Zapp Brannigan is a fictional character in the television series Futurama. He is also referred to (mainly by himself) as "The Zapper", "The Velour Fog", "Big Z" and "The Man with No Name, Zapp Brannigan". He is a parody of William Shatner and his famed Star Trek character James T. Kirk and resembles comic book character Magnus, Robot Fighter.

Brannigan is a senior member of the military of the Democratic Order of Planets (D.O.O.P.) though his title varies; he has been referred to as a "25 star General" and "General Major Webelo". Kif Kroker is his beleaguered lieutenant and personal assistant. Brannigan's flagship is the Nimbus, which though severely damaged in "A Taste of Freedom" was back in service for the later episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before". His quarters aboard the Nimbus (which he refers to as his "lovenasium") are garishly decorated in velour and contain a hovering heart-shaped bed, hanging over which is a portrait of him in a pose mocking Aaron Shikler's posthumous portrait of John F. Kennedy.

Brannigan envisions himself a "ladies' man", but also completely clueless in matters of romance. On first meeting Leela in "Love's Labours Lost in Space" he ended up having sex with her. In later encounters, he invariably refers to this interlude.[1] He remains convinced that Leela lusts after him and will eventually return to him, despite her (often literally) violent opposition to the idea. His overconfidence in this is such that he does not hesitate to hit on other women in the meantime, even in Leela's presence. He is also frequently seen with female companions who are obviously prostitutes, or even men in drag. Brannigan has expressed on several occasions his fondness for being choked and spanked by strong women, though during an encounter with the warrior-women of the planet Amazonia ("Amazon Women in the Mood"), his personal limits were rapidly met and exceeded. After escaping and despite his pelvic injuries, he looked back on the experience fondly, sighing happily, "I had snu-snu". He also takes any opportunity to brag about any sexual conquests; after having sex with Leela, he says to Kif "I made it with a woman! Inform the men!"

Brannigan's pretensions of being suave are belied by his ignorance of how to properly pronounce words such as champagne (he pronounces the silent g), bravo, encore, and guacamole (he treats the e as if it were silent and pronounces the first "a" as the "a" in cat), though, strangely, he has no problem with chutzpah or karaoke. This may be due to his "very sexy" learning disability, "sexlexia". He highly prizes his singing (calling himself "the Velour Fog", a parody of "The Velvet Fog"), doing a seemingly William Shatner-like version of Lola (he replaces the name Lola with Leela) to win back Leela's attention on Open-Mike Karaoke Night on an orbital restaurant. The results of his singing are obvious, as everyone runs screaming to escape pods and leaving, including the crew. Zapp is able to ignore the fact his singing made everyone run.

Brannigan is arrogant, incompetent, chauvenistic, cocky and supremely vain. His battle tactics are impulsive, generally stupid, and almost always unnecessary. He takes delight in sending his men to die in ridiculous, easily avoidable altercations, viewing this as proof of their loyalty. Notable examples include an (unseen) battle with "Killbots", a battle which Brannigan won by sending wave after wave of his own men at the killbots until they reached their pre-programmed kill limit and shut down. However, as Bender pointed out, "we [robots] can always build more kill bots!" ("Love's Labours Lost in Space") he employed similar tactics in defending Earth during the first invasion of the aliens of Omicron Persei 8 ("When Aliens Attack"), ordering all the ships under his command to "line up and fly directly at the enemy death cannons, clogging them with wreckage!" When describing the strategy, he also says "If we hit that bull's eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate." His fleet managed to destroy the Hubble Space Telescope amid heavy losses, but was powerless against the actual alien mothership (when his fleet was being wiped out by the mothership, his response was to yell "Stop exploding, you cowards!"). He has written at least one book about military tactics, titled Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War, based loosely on Sun Tzu's The Art of War, and looks like a Dr. Seuss book with his face on it.

In another episode, Zapp was leading an attack to capture a planet. He failed to realize how pointless and stupid the attack was, despite his speech that, "It is a barren wasteland with no natural resources or any strategic value." He even reveals that no one knew anything of the planet's culture, and didn't know what the inhabitants looked like, but merely stated that "We can only assume this: they stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks!". When one soldier asked why they were expected to fight and die to conquer the planet, Brannigan replied 'Don't ask me: it's you who'll be dying!' It was later revealed that the planet they were attacking was actually the inhabitants' home planet, and the humans were in fact the "evil" invaders.

He once provoked an invasion of Earth after leading a military force to storm the embassy of Dr. Zoidberg's home planet, Decapod 10 (in "A Taste of Freedom"). Later, he was duped by the Decapodians into handing the codes for the Global Defence Network to one of their agents, horribly disguised, calling himself "Hugh Man". This led to their ridiculously easy conquest of Earth, for which Zapp then blamed Kif.

Brannigan's victories tend to come from using excessive force to subdue lesser opponents, such as:
Carpet bombing Eden 7
Defeating the pacifists of the Gandhi nebula
Conquering the Retiree People of the Assisted Living Nebula
Single-handedly defeating the "weak and womanlike" Spiderians of Tarantulon 6
Driving the native population off the planet Spheron 1, during which he is seen "riding" his horse Felicity (who happens to be a male horse) while brandishing a sword - the horse, though, simply stands on a hovering disc ("War Is the H-Word").

Brannigan briefly served as captain of the luxury space cruise ship Titanic, which ended up destroyed after he altered the direct, safe flight plan for an indirect, more challenging one, believing that in doing so "we might just get some kind of gravity boost, or something". He was indifferent to the danger posed by comets ("the icebergs of the sky") and black holes ("that blackish holish thing") — at least, until they actually become dangerous to him. This episode also shows Zapp transferring the blame for the incident to Kif (again), giving him the Captain's badge, and disappearing in a small escape pod. The incident serves to illustrate the apparent cowardice of the monumental space "hero". Brannigan, thanks to his exaggerated or ill-won conquests is considered a hero by the general populace (such as Amy Wong's parents) and government, frequently praised (even Leela was initially "thrilled" to meet him), but anyone who is around Brannigan too long rapidly develops an extreme dislike for him. When Brannigan tried his hand at karaoke (in his "suave" style, an apparent reference to William Shatner), the audience immediately booed and jeered, then fled from him, with one patron stating, "He sickens me!" Brannigan's own crew shares this opinion, evident during a meal in the Nimbus mess hall when he raised a glass and called for support, met only by a stony silence and one anonymous crewman yelling "You suck!"

Brannigan was once dismissed (though later reinstated) from the DOOP along with Kif (after Zapp attempted to transfer the blame once again to his loyal lieutenant's shoulders) for his role in destroying DOOP's new $400 billion headquarters ("Brannigan Begin Again"). While showing off, Brannigan used his ship's tactical laser (set on Hyperdeath™) to cut the ceremonial ribbon to inaugurate the new station. He accomplished this, but did not deactivate the laser in time to avoid destroying the station.


Brannigan's Law

Brannigan's Law states that one cannot interfere with an undeveloped planet, a parody of the Prime Directive from Star Trek. Brannigan himself does not pretend to understand it, he merely enforces it, and even fails to uphold it on at least one occasion.[1] Brannigan's Law is officially called Directive B10.81. According to Brannigan, his law is also like his love; "hard and fast".


Ship

The Nimbus: DP-1729 is a spaceship in the fictional television series Futurama. It is captained by Zapp Brannigan with Kif Kroker as his first mate. It is the flagship of the Democratic Order Of Planets (DOOP) fleet. The Nimbus is an extremely large vessel, capable of blockading or besieging entire planets single-handedly, and of transporting armies large enough for the pacification of the planet, all without the aid of support vessels. It is a parody of the Enterprise from Star Trek: The Original Series. At one point the Nimbus was destroyed by the Decapodians[2] and was either rapidly rebuilt or replaced by another ship that had been renamed, similar to the destruction and replacement of the Enterprise, NCC-1701, with the NCC-1701-A.

“I ain't affraid to let it out, i'm not affraid to take that fall, but i found beyond all doubt, you say more by saying nothing at all.”

“To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, utopian dream.”

“"What Can I do?", You say, It's just another day in the life of Apes with ego trips”

“Seeing you is like pulling teeth and hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil!!!”

“I have always idolized eccentric people.”

“I think I grew a grey watching you procrastinate.”

and some lyrics

Song: Redefine

Imagine your brain as a
canister filled with ink
yeah, now think of your body
as the pen where the ink resides
Fuse the two; KAPOW!
What are you now?
You´re the human magic marker, won´t you
please surprise my eyes?
It´s in your nature,
you can paint whatever picture
you like no matter what
Ted Koppel says on channel 4 tonight
So modify this third rock from the sun
by painting myriads of pictures
with the colors of one
I´m sick of painting in black and white
my pen is dry, now I´m uptight
So sick of limiting myself
to fit your definition
Picture the scene, where whatever you thought,
would, in the blink of an eye,
manifest and become illustrated
You´d be sure man that every
line drawn reflected a life that you loved
not an existence that you hated
So, must we demonstrate that
we can´t get it straight?
We´ve painted a picture,
now we´re drowning in paint
Lets figure out what the fuck it´s about
before the picture we painted
chews us up and spits us out
I´m sick of painting in black and white
my pen is dry, now I´m uptight
So sick of limiting myself
to fit your definition
Redefine


Song: New skin

At first I see an open wound
infected and disastrous
It breathes chaotic catastrophe
it cries to be renewed
Its tears are the color of anger,
they dry to form a scab
To the touch, its stiff and resilient,
underneath, the new skin breathes
As outwardly cliche as it may seem,
yes, something under the surface says,
"C´est la vie"
It is a circle, there is a plan
dead skin will atrophy itself to start again
Look closely at the open wound
see past what covers the surface
Underneath chaotic catastrophe,
creation takes stage.
Its all been saved
with exception for the right parts
When will we be new skin?
Its all been seen with exception for what could be
When will we be new skin?
Fallacious cognitions
spewed from televisions
do mold our decisions.
So stop and take a look,
and you´ll see what I see now



Song: Idiot box

You keep your riches and I´ll sew my stitches,
you can´t make me think like you, mundane.
I´ve got a message for all those who think that
they can etch his words inside my brain
T.V., what do I need?
Tell me who to believe!
What´s the use of autonomy
when a button does it all?
So listen up,
glisten up closely all,
who´ve seen the fuckin eye ache too.
It´s time to step away from cable train
And when we finally see the subtle light,
this quirk in evolution will begin
to let us live and recreate
T.V., what do I need?
Tell me who to believe!
Whats the use of autonomy
when a button does it all?
T.V., what should I see?
Tell me who should I be?
Lets do our mom a favor and drop
a new god off a wall.
Let me see past the fatuous knocks.
I´ve gotta rid myself of this idiot box!
Let you see past the feathers and flocks,
and help me plant a bomb in this idiot box!
From the depths of the sea
to the tops of the trees
to the seat of a lazy boy...
staring at a silver screen!!



Song: Glass

If I had a dime for every time you walked away,
I could afford to not give a shit
and buy a drink and drown the day
But your pockets, they are empty,
yeh, and mine are times two
So why not make an about-face,
and accept the love I send to you?
You´re never gonna be content if you don´t try,
try to see outside your line.
There you go, you did it again!
You act as if there´s blinders on your eyes.
Should I apologize if what I say burns your ears and stains
your eyes?!
Oh, did I crack your shell?
When it falls away, you´ll see we exist as well!
Like a bottle with the cork stuck,
your true ingredients trapped inside.
Through the cloudy glass we catch a glimpse of you,
I guess the hard shell represents your pride.
Oh, if only it could be different
we could uncover the you, you deny.
Between two, a small discrepancy,
one complicates and one simplifies.
TAKE THOSE FUCKING BLINDERS OFF YOUR EYES!!
So if I had a dime for every time you walked away,
you could bet your bottom dollar that
I´d be filthy rich by noon today




this guy he is just ...,i mean these lyrics
for all those who know his work understand what i am saying
he is Brandon Boyd of Incubus
there's a funny story he only took two singing lessons
and by me he is one of the best alternative singers
if not wider,just one awesome artist