Vodka&Mint

It is nearly 3am now.. I've been awake late for couple days waiting for things that won't appear..
I have thought bout it for couple days.. should I write down my thoughts? .. I avoided it many times but the urge to write it down till tickles in me so freaking much >"< ...
So, pay attention! Hear me clear!
I still love you! Matt, I still love you!!

That is funny how things turns around in our life ... it has been 6 months since we broke up.. but it took me more than a year to tell you directly that I love you and still being shy .. ( do you remember that I was crazy and you had to get out of bed to listen to me say it to you when your entire family was going to sleep and your grandma found out you were "out of your bed" at a strange time.. ? ) It was just last year .... and we have been ... ufff why, why ..

The last emotionally sentence that I remember from you was you were sad when you found out I didn't kept anything from you.. that I really want to forget you..? I said yes, I acted strong ... I dont want to but I have to ... and I can't

Thoughts bout you turns to me this time more and more often ... the dreams bout you keep coming back, stronger and with more details ...

In the dreams, I am a total different person, I acted totally oppose to the one I am now.. I acted with my soul and with what I truly want...

I just had a dream couple days before ... I woke up founding myself still talking to you .. and it was how the dream ends.. talking to you...
In the dream.. it begins...

In an unknown day.. I was walking on the street and got awkward feelings, I pay attention to the road and suddenly I saw a familiar face pass by.. It was you, driving fast on a motorbike.. I immediately chase after you.. end up to a cafe .. I acted like I went to this cafe by chance.. and saw you.. and we talked for a while .. we kept seeing each others after work when we had time ( like old times after school) to be up to date with each other .. You looked so much more tiring and aged.. but you are still so charming..

I began to show you my feelings .. I touched you because you asked me b4 " why you never touched me.. " I touched your face.. wanted you to kiss my hand on your face ...
We hold hands for a while and walked slowly.. what I always wanted to..
I kissed you.. what I never did on my own b4.. but I only have the nerve to kiss on your forehead because I am afraid of your reaction ( even in my dream).. and because I remembered when you asked me " do you believe me?" I answered yes.. you asked me to close my eyes, I did it.. I awaited a kiss but at the same time was scared of it .. you found me so silly and funny.. you but both your hands on my shoulder and kissed on my forehead and went to the bank sitting there waiting me to calm myself and open my eyes .. that real memory is still so strong in my dreams...

Then in another scene in my dream, I talked to you, I talked a lot and I opened my eyes, woke up to real life realized my lips were still moving and I was still talking bout my feelings to you...

I didn't cry... my tears are frozen..
Sometimes I thought I forgot every detail bout you.. I forgot the memories that I want to treasure .. but whenever I dream... they all come back.. so clear and so true bout you...

I may have acted cold and fake my reactions those times .. but things that I learned from you I will never regret or forget... Life is a succession of risks...
Do you believe we will see each other again in this life time? I believe it! If we want to we will. Vouloir c'est Pouvoir

If the day comes, and we are still 2 free single birds, and we have feelings for each other ... pls hold my hand and don't let me ever go..

How could you eat up my heart and left me heartless here... ? ....

Matthieu, je t'aime.. tu me manques tant...