Sunday, February 25, 2007 12:46:42 PM
I feel crushed. I loved this guy more than anything. He was funny, intelligent, witty, adorable - but he has issues with me that are big enough for him to question our relationship and possibly end it. It all started from an argument over a week ago where I was drunk and I shouted at him. We argued and the following day he told me to leave the flat as he needed time to think. This was a week yesterday. I saw him yesterday, hoping for a positive decision, but I got asked to move on and move out instead.
Everyday last week I have cried. I have shed so many tears, I can't believe they are stil coming. I feel worse that the time that we split up for 3 months about a year and a half ago. With my new job and everything, this is not that well timed... But I will still give 100% to my job as it's very important and the chances to make good money are very high there. I really want to make everything work. In January, I had a 2007 plan and that was to move in with my bf, start to become stable, earn good money and progress in my life. Right now, the first 2 things seem almost impossible and all I have left now is the job, and I mustn't let that go as well.
This morning was awful. As I saw him yesterday, I was able to have a decent sleep for once, but when I awoke this morning, I felt incredibly lonely and sad. I had a massive space in my chest, in my heart... It was once filled with him... and now - NOTHING! My confidence has plummeted and I feel lost. I know I am strong though and can get through this, but that is also going to come with time. I need to keep myself busy and try not to be so weak.
Anyway - enough moaning. My friends must be bored of my moaning by now