My OperaThursday 17th August 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006 8:40:59 AM
Well a lot has happened this week for me. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have decided I am going to get a place to stay which means that I don't have to hang around waiting for my bf to get back home (as he won't give me a key). I wouldn't dream of pushing him to let me move in etc... In fact, I don't think I would even want to at this stage. I wasnt to move in with HIM and not him and his brother. So I had a look at a lovely little place to stay last night. It's a lot more than I have paid in the past, but it's ideal location for my bf, work and is a good size! The girls that I met that live there seem really nice. The timings work with me, but I find out today if I got it or not! So fingers crossed.
I have noticed recently, I have been more 'in touch' with my feelings. I know I love my bf... But things feel 'not right'. I want to get that feeling from him. And I know what you guys have said, that he does love me. But I really want him to say it. When we were together before our split, he'd tell me everyday how much he loved me. He doesn't even tell me when I tell him now. And that hurts. I keep telling myself not to get too hung up on him, but I get the feeling that I might be past that stage.
I wrote this on my mobile the other day in the notes section as I had to write down what I felt at that moment in time:
That's my feelings in a nutshell
L xx
I have noticed recently, I have been more 'in touch' with my feelings. I know I love my bf... But things feel 'not right'. I want to get that feeling from him. And I know what you guys have said, that he does love me. But I really want him to say it. When we were together before our split, he'd tell me everyday how much he loved me. He doesn't even tell me when I tell him now. And that hurts. I keep telling myself not to get too hung up on him, but I get the feeling that I might be past that stage.I wrote this on my mobile the other day in the notes section as I had to write down what I felt at that moment in time:
I want to be loved. I Love him, but I don't know how he feels, I want him to know exactly how I feel, that I love him no matter what and that I'd do anything for him. He's the only guy I have ever loved, despite telling exes that I loved them at the time. I didn't know love until him. He feels so right. i wish he'd see the real me. Maybe I am not showing him enough of the real me.
That's my feelings in a nutshell
L xx
John ..... (Loku) lokutus-prime lokutus-prime # Monday, August 21, 2006 8:53:10 AM
Dear Lilliana,
I do read your blog, even if I do not comment on every posting. Those comments you wrote on your mobile are poignant but revealing. How can any reader ever know the real background to all that you reveal here? My question is rhetorical. There are things I infer from your written thoughts. There are perceptions I have, from reading all that you say and there is little doubt in my mind that your life for this man is both deep and unrelenting and. it seems to me. bears the hallmark of True Love.
I am not often give to using cliche if I can avoid so doing and I am not one to respond here by placing an 'iconic image' or some other sort of 'supportive' graphic. I do not dismiss out of hand such cliches or images - if they work then the end result is the most important thing but I do try to evaluate my words before I respond and that's what I am doing here.
What I perceive here is True Love on one side but since I cannot know what exists in your b/f's thoughts I can only hope that True Love is there also.
Please forgive me if I have used the wrong terms, the wrong expressions, because I am trying to give you support and to say that you are loved by so many in this OC, and if I am representative of how much we all hold you in high regard then you have many here who want your hopes and dreams to come true.
Love,
Loku
Lilliana # Monday, August 21, 2006 10:07:28 AM
L xx