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Tales From The Office: The Princess and The Trollface ...

Friday, May 18, 2012 10:07:21 PM

 

 

The Princess and The Trollface

 

Long long ago.....in a far off office a princess was cruelly indentured by a temp labor agency and had to work with a crowd of Trolls in a cooped up office.
 
These Trolls did not know the young princess (TYP) was secretly a beautiful frog who reeeely reeeely wanted to meet another beautiful frog (yeh, right). 
 
Anyhow, one day TYP was going about her chores (this word derives from Moe's Bar and used to be a form of asking....like...'I'm drinking a bourbon -wot's chores?') when the wicked Troll in the cubicle next door suddenly threw her nose over the partition and said 'Hey princess wannabeafrog, where's the bagels I ordered!.... you slacking again...huh?'
 
Well - you can imagine how TYP felt, she was sorta...sorta..... reeeel pissed and she stood up and said.....'Bagels?? - who eats Bagels here. I thought this was a convent'. At this Trollface grew redder and redder. 
 
TYP looked nervously at her and said...'errr... are you very very angry?' 
 
TF, glared at her for a moment then said, 'Princess, if you hadda body like mine and hadda wear the stays I got on then you'd be redfaced too'.
 
TYP replied 'look, I just want get back to what I used to be'. TF stared for a moment, then muttered....'yeh, you an me both. Before I was Trollface I was a single woman living in Queens (somebody gotta live there) when along comes this guy knocking at my apartment door an....' 
 
'Oh stop!', said TYP, I don't want to know about your sex life. I too had a life of lustury when I was a happy, single frogettina,  before this, this, (she gestured at her 18 inch waist and 34dd,) monstrous thing happened to me'
 
'awwww'....said TF, 'You sure been through the mill, hunney, you never had a chance. ....now if you had been changed into something like me as I am now, then you would be a whole lot happier...sheeeesh!... you shoulda see how ugly I was back in Queens....'
 
TYP sniffed a little, but felt a whole lot better, having someone else to talk to.
'Do you think....(her voice faltered)... do you think that I could, well maybe...that is.....'
 
TF's three eyes narrowed.....as she looked at TYP. 'Hunney', she said, 'There is a way I kin help ya....but it means I have to kinda make a sacrifice see?' TYP shot a hopeful look at TF's nose which by now was threatening to bring down the cubicle partition.
 
'I'd be soooo grateful if you could help me'...TYP whispered....'What must I do?'
 
TF looked over her hump for a moment ...'listen, I gotta tell ya that I am prepared to change places with you,... you know, take on that terrible waist and stickyout breasts of yours (I should be a Saint) and maybe...but nahhhh!... you wouldn't be interested....'
 
TYP  reached for one of TF's eight fingers...'Oh please..... whatever it takes...'
 
At this moment TF started to mutter to herself in TF lingo,  jeeezz, is she for real??....now I gotta hook this schmuck quick before someone else does... 'Well, hunney', she said in as timid a grunt as she could manage, 'All you gotta do is to say the following magic words three times see'.....
 
"Ykcul os eb dluohs I"
 
'...but....but...but...' she whimpered, 'What does it mean?'
 
TF started in to her Troll lingo again...Give me strength! .... now I should tell her what I'm up to  already?... but TF quickly recovered her demeanour (demeanour they are the harder they fall) ..and said 'look hun, I could be Trolling around somewhere else and for you I'm making time? - do ya want this getout or not.? -It's no scale off my tail!'
 
TYP by now is very anxious to get back to her old shape and does not want to upset TF (who has, after all, been working in this place a whole lot longer than she).
 
'Well ok then, I'll  speak those words and do that twirling thingy'.
 
As TYP begins to twirl she speaks the magic words..."  "Ykcus os eb dluohs I" ...and at once there is a flash and a zing...and a ball of purply glitter stuff that sort of looks like Liberace's dandruff....and TYP's lips begin to swell...as in ...omigodihavethemostfabulousmouthnow...
and she blinks and says "Why am I still with this 18 inch waist, these big stickyout things and why am I pouting through every syllable??'
 
TF started to screech....'There was only one chance at this and you blew it missy!! -You have even less brain cells than I got and I inherited all of my parents and theirs  (she has three)... you even make my Trollsistah look clever!'
 
TYP, by now was starting to like these big kissy kissy lips and beginning to find a new confidence...as she sniffily responded...'Hey -I'm a blonde... what's your excuse?'...and she could even see possibilities. Why, if all the others in the office were as pushy as TF then she would go look for some other person to talk to. There was a Toad who had been changed into some sort of dark haired 6'2" long legged Prince...maybe he would be interesting to talk to.
 
'Huh!', she thought, '....any port in a storm'.
 
 
....................................
 
 
And the moral of the Story is this -
"There is always someone in your work place sticking their long nose over your partition".
 
 
 
Story(c)John (lokutus-prime)
 
 

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Sir Allan (RIP)

  • Sir Allan (RIP)

    This is my poem given to Allan (Ricewood) in January 2009, a year before he passed away. RIP Sir Allan, you are never forgotten.

  • Sir Allan (RIP)

    my audio reading given to Allan with my poem

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