Lost In Blinks

Last time I went to the train station I thought about the possiblities in life.
What chances does everybody has in life?
In the last six month one question was really important for me. Namely that me and Pineapple could move together. It is practical for me to move to my university town but he has to finish his study in the town where we live. That was the reason I agreed moving together inside our city.
But he said he cannot and wouldn't be able to do that. Not yet and not soon.
It is obviously that I was really cut up.
But this fact opened a new perception for me and my life. I asked myself what could happen if I really move together with a partner yet. I considered the idea to replace my boyfriend with my brother Glass and to move together with him. But when I will never be independent never be alone and never create something for my own will I ever be able to "survive" in life?
Will I ever be dependent on somebody? Depend on parents depend on friends, boyfriends, fellow students? Or will I be able to handle myself and face the ordinary life?
And what about my future life?
Nowadays it is really difficult to decide between family and career.
Once I asked Princess what she thinks about this and she answered: ,I don't want a career. It is enough for me to get my university graduation and when I have a partner then why shouldn't I get a baby? Or found a family? But of course he has to be prosperous so that I can get the standard in life I want to have.'
Handle a family and a career is so much exacting.
I know lots of women who want to get a baby one time and of course I know women who don't even want to marry.
But what about the 'traditional thought of family' then?
I belong to the women who want to get married one time with a white wonderful dress in a church where the pews are filled with amazing flowers.
Will a baby really destroy a career because of less time?
And what about the independence of each other?
There are girls in my academic year who are already pregnant. They are convinced that they will handle a baby and a study. I am impressed because I could never do that. Mainly because there are not so much benefits for single women with kids or little families in the study.

And what will I do? Will I wait for Pineapple? Is love that strong that you put yourself on hold?
I don't know that yet but I am sure that everything has a reason and that a partner is mostly a decision for a family one time and what the future brings...
It lies ahead.