Thursday, January 5, 2006 3:55:27 PM
Call from daddy!!! ((((RING)))) **Pick Up**
"Hello?" "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, Shes upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you havent got an Uncle Frank"
"Oh yes I do, and hes upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause "Uh, okay then, ...this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddys car just pulled into the driveway"
"Okay Daddy, just a minute" A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone "I did it Daddy" "And what happened honey?" he asked
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isnt moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didnt know that you took out the water last week to clean it, he hit the bottom of the pool and I think hes dead"
***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says . . .. Swimming pool?? ...
Is this 555-7039??????"
No.
Sunday, January 1, 2006 8:57:42 PM
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Sunday, January 1, 2006 8:35:06 PM
They say love hides behind every corner..Am I walking in circles??
Friday, December 30, 2005 2:54:56 PM
They`re up in bed:
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and dad?"
and she replied, "they`re up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.
Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where`s Mom and Dad?"
and she replied "they`re still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.
Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where`s Mom and dad?"
and his grandmother replied "they`re still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "whats so funny? Every time I tell you they`re still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."
Friday, December 30, 2005 2:48:44 PM
1. hugs from behind.
2. grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other.
3. when standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. cuddle with her.
5. dont force anything on her.
6. write little notes.
7. compliment her honestly.
8. when you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. say i love you, and mean it!
10. comfort her when she cries.
11. tell her she is beautiful not hott.
12. pick her up and flirt with her [she'll scream and say put me down but really she loves it].
13. kiss her on the forehead
14. compliment her on her hair. dont tell her when it looks bad, only when it looks extravagant!
15. talk to her in front of your friends.
Thursday, December 29, 2005 2:56:08 PM
Coincidence
Two guys are shopping in a supermarket when their carts collide. One says to the other, “I’m sorry, I was looking for my wife.”
“What a coincidence. So am I, and I’m getting a little desperate,” says the other man.
“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”
“She’s tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight ass.
What does your wife look like?”
“Oh, never mind. Let’s look for yours!”
Wednesday, December 28, 2005 9:05:14 PM
10 Blondes 1 Brunette:
Problem: There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette that were hanging onto a rope that was tied to an airplane. They know that one of them will have to let go because the weight of all 11 of them would tear the rope and they would all die, so they argue back and forth for a few minutes till finally the brunette says she will let go.
But first she explained why she was doing it and said good-bye to all the blondes, in an emoitional type of way.
All the blondes were so touched that they started clapping.
Problem solved.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005 8:14:43 PM
Kiss on the hand - I adore you.
Kiss on the cheek - I just want to be friends.
Kiss on the neck - I want you.
Kiss on the lips - I love you.
Kiss on the ears - Let's have some fun.
Kiss on the nose - Let's get silly.
Kiss anywhere else - You're the best.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005 8:09:34 PM
I held back, I had to resist.
All I wanted, Was to be kissed.
By your lips so soft, So very nice.
So very full, So full of life.
You laid me down, And looked at me.
Said, "It's alright, I can see."
Just go to sleep, I'll hold you close."
You touched my lips, And pinched my nose.
You held me close, All through the night,
I held your hand, So very tight.
I felt complete, so full of bliss.
Knowing that I just had, My very first Kiss.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005 7:52:01 PM
Even sunshine burns sometimes.
Chocolate is like a bandaid. It can make your problems feel much better for awhile until it falls off or you run out.
The one who loves you will not make you cry alone at night thinking about him/her. They will be right beside you telling you it will be alright.
My life have taught me one vital thing and that is: I came into this world alone. I shall leave it alone. And, if I have to live in it alone, so be it! I contend to live it in peace with myself.
Kisses are not promises.
Let go of what is gone and hold on to what you have.
You cannot change anybody but yourself so don't try to change your partner. Love him/her as he/she is. You'll get better results.
Love is action; not just a feeling.
Be happy that you are friends rather than cry because that's all you'll ever be?
A real man doesn't make love to a million women. A real man makes love to one women a million ways.
Immature love says "I love you because I need you". Mature love says "I need you because I love you".
The way to love anything, is to realize it can be lost.
If you want to be successful in life, be a wise. If you want to be successful in love, be foolish.
Some people are like crystal. Pretty to look at, but you can see right through them.
I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
Remember: Whatever happens, happens for a reason.
They say forgive and forget, but if someone is worth forgiving then you'll never forget them.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.
Love is accepting, not expecting.
You think you look strong because you can hold on, but strength lies in letting go.
Love is like growing --it's hard to feel, sometimes, and even harder to see, but when you look back on it, you realize how far you've come.
It isn't what happens in your life that matters most, it is what your heart does with it, who it shares it with and what together they learn from it.
In all your remembering, remember that you have choices.
Though many people will go in and out of your heart only one will want to stay there. If you bulid a heart full of holes, think how much easier it is to hang on.
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