No one word yet in 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012 12:31:41 PM
Its 2012! Whats good in it? Don`t know yet. 2 month passed. Spring is coming!
Finally long Russian winter is getting slightly warmer. Tired to live without colors. Just white? black and gray. Waiting for lots of green? yellow? blue...and colors of all blossoming flowers.
I have got one offer...its about new job. I have boring one. But it brings me bread to eat. Could say yes to another one. Will it be enough powers to have two. It means that i will work for 12 hours 3 times a week...hmmm will be tired and almost dead but at least will sleep without any thinking how bad my life is. Put my head on the table, work like donkey...for what reason...for that reason that nobody needs me... or for that reason that it will be good for everyone... I will have save place and reason not to come home very often...and still will live at home.. My lonely mother will be happy about it. My conscience will be clear... My happiness is in a bottom...But i don`t really know what happiness is. I newer new that. Always was not satisfied about anything.
Thats funny - tell me who your friends and i ll tell who are you...
I don`t have friends. So even I don`t know who am I.
My good one pan-pall was not too long with me...because he could feel that i was heavy even through charting with me... I am so bad. But it does n`t mean that its bad. Its just like it is.
My boyfriend is still with me. But its because i am far away. He is interested in computer games, bicycles, and some more toys... thats better then women and alcohol... but i don`t know if he really needs a girlfriend. I am getting alder. First big date this year - 30. Thats great. I am not scared of age. Just interesting to analyze what adult person of 30 has to do in life being this age. I have nothing from it.
My parents would be proud of me if i were smart and beautiful and had nice rich or well paid husband and kids and could bring something useful for them. If i would have nice car and a house and nice job. But i have nothing from it. And probably don`t know if all that really made me happy. If i could change my life i would choose not to born ))))) And all these words would never come out of my brain.
I am not in depresion by the way. Its just apathy )))