My OperaA letter for my Mom
Sunday, January 30, 2011 3:28:48 PM
January 30, 2011
To my Dearest Mommy,
In two days it would be your birthday and yet I'm already making a birthday letter to you. I just can't wait to start my letter. So here it goes.
Honestly, I feel like I have a lot of things to say, and I dont know where to start. It's been a while since the last time I've actually written a letter for you. A lot of things had happened since you left. I wish to tell you everything, like we used to do. Just having a little talk in the bedroom or living room. I remember the time when I would just sit beside you in your bed and tell you how my day went. I miss those times mommy. I miss sharing all my hopes and dreams. I miss the way you look and give me a thumbs up when I've done well in school. I miss the time you would scold us because we went home very late (like 6pm). I miss you're special "sinigang" and "afritada". I miss your voice and your touch. I just miss my mom.
Everything has been different since you left. No more early morning greetings when it's our birthday. No more thumbs up. No more surprises and special gifts. I felt so alone ma. No more "magic sing" days. I thought Cor and I could handle anything. But, we were wrong. Life without you has been difficult. We were lost and confused. Maricor and I have been through a lot ma. There were times when the both of us would just cry hoping that you would come to our room and tell us everything will be fine. We had our ups and downs and I'm proud to say that it brought me and maricor closer. We had a better relationship than we used to have. And I promise Ma, I'll take good care of her and love her.
Ma, I know you've been through a lot when you were here. You were in so much pain. There were nights when you would cry. And that time I was such a coward. I would just stay in our room and cry too. I can't stand seeing you in such great pain, knowing that one day you'll be gone.
Whenever I think of you, I still cry. It feels like those memories are still fresh in my mind. It may have been almost 5 years but it seems like it just happened yesterday. I would imagine you're still in States. Sometimes I find myself e-mailing you, even though I know I wont get any reply. It may sound crazy and stupid but there are those times when I seem really lost and the only thing that could clear my mind is when I open up to you. It makes me feel relieved and I feel like all the burdens I carry becomes lighter.
There were times I would dream about you. I would cry when I wake up. Sometimes I would even tell Maricor. It hurts mommy, it hurts to wake up after those dreams about you. It hurts because I wish it would all be real.
A teacher once told me, the main reason why people cry when their certain love-one dies is not because they miss them but because of regret, regret that they weren't able to spend enough time to that certain someone when they were still alive. At first, I disagree. Of course, we often cry when we miss a person right ma? But, when you were gone, I realized that my teacher was right. I've regretted those days I haven't spent with you when you were still here. I'm sorry mommy. I was too selfish and immature. If only I could turn back time. I would spend it with you. I remember the day when the three of us sat in the living room in Laguna. It was the most unforgettable day for me. It was the day where I felt a lot of emotions. I felt scared, loved, angry, nervous, annoyed, sad...etc. It was the day when we really talked. You told us that you were dying. At first, Cor and I would change the subject. We kept denying the things you were saying. I remember us telling you it won't happen. But you told us to face reality. We cried that day. And just by typing it right now brings tears to my eyes.
I know mommy, that you're happy now. You're in peace, you're no longer in pain. And I'm happy. You've given me a lot of gifts. Gifts that I would cherish forever. The gift of love, strength, courage and faith. You've taught me a lot about life. And you know what ma, it really helped me. My life right now have been a life full of twist and turns. I have Jaeden now. And I'm proud of him. He reminds me so much about you. He loves to sing and dance.I'm gonna teach him the things you've taught me. I wish you were here. I kept showing your picture to him. It warms my heart when he says "lola" everytime he sees your picture.
Mommy, life without you has been really, really difficult. But, dont worry. We won't give up. We've learned it all from you. You taught us how to be strong and to stand up for what we believe in. I know that someday everything will be okay. I know you're always there to guide us. And you'll be the guardian angel of Jaeden.
I love you ma, I love yoy with all my heart. I'll keep all of our memories here in my heart and mind. I'm very proud of you. You are the best mom in the world. Thank you mommy, for everything. For the memories, for the gifts, for the lessons and for the love. Death doesn't bring an end to love right? I could still feel your love here in my heart. And I'll cherish it for the rest of my life.
I love you mommy, I miss you...
Happy Birthday.
Love,
Marit
To my Dearest Mommy,
In two days it would be your birthday and yet I'm already making a birthday letter to you. I just can't wait to start my letter. So here it goes.
Honestly, I feel like I have a lot of things to say, and I dont know where to start. It's been a while since the last time I've actually written a letter for you. A lot of things had happened since you left. I wish to tell you everything, like we used to do. Just having a little talk in the bedroom or living room. I remember the time when I would just sit beside you in your bed and tell you how my day went. I miss those times mommy. I miss sharing all my hopes and dreams. I miss the way you look and give me a thumbs up when I've done well in school. I miss the time you would scold us because we went home very late (like 6pm). I miss you're special "sinigang" and "afritada". I miss your voice and your touch. I just miss my mom.
Everything has been different since you left. No more early morning greetings when it's our birthday. No more thumbs up. No more surprises and special gifts. I felt so alone ma. No more "magic sing" days. I thought Cor and I could handle anything. But, we were wrong. Life without you has been difficult. We were lost and confused. Maricor and I have been through a lot ma. There were times when the both of us would just cry hoping that you would come to our room and tell us everything will be fine. We had our ups and downs and I'm proud to say that it brought me and maricor closer. We had a better relationship than we used to have. And I promise Ma, I'll take good care of her and love her.
Ma, I know you've been through a lot when you were here. You were in so much pain. There were nights when you would cry. And that time I was such a coward. I would just stay in our room and cry too. I can't stand seeing you in such great pain, knowing that one day you'll be gone.
Whenever I think of you, I still cry. It feels like those memories are still fresh in my mind. It may have been almost 5 years but it seems like it just happened yesterday. I would imagine you're still in States. Sometimes I find myself e-mailing you, even though I know I wont get any reply. It may sound crazy and stupid but there are those times when I seem really lost and the only thing that could clear my mind is when I open up to you. It makes me feel relieved and I feel like all the burdens I carry becomes lighter.
There were times I would dream about you. I would cry when I wake up. Sometimes I would even tell Maricor. It hurts mommy, it hurts to wake up after those dreams about you. It hurts because I wish it would all be real.
A teacher once told me, the main reason why people cry when their certain love-one dies is not because they miss them but because of regret, regret that they weren't able to spend enough time to that certain someone when they were still alive. At first, I disagree. Of course, we often cry when we miss a person right ma? But, when you were gone, I realized that my teacher was right. I've regretted those days I haven't spent with you when you were still here. I'm sorry mommy. I was too selfish and immature. If only I could turn back time. I would spend it with you. I remember the day when the three of us sat in the living room in Laguna. It was the most unforgettable day for me. It was the day where I felt a lot of emotions. I felt scared, loved, angry, nervous, annoyed, sad...etc. It was the day when we really talked. You told us that you were dying. At first, Cor and I would change the subject. We kept denying the things you were saying. I remember us telling you it won't happen. But you told us to face reality. We cried that day. And just by typing it right now brings tears to my eyes.
I know mommy, that you're happy now. You're in peace, you're no longer in pain. And I'm happy. You've given me a lot of gifts. Gifts that I would cherish forever. The gift of love, strength, courage and faith. You've taught me a lot about life. And you know what ma, it really helped me. My life right now have been a life full of twist and turns. I have Jaeden now. And I'm proud of him. He reminds me so much about you. He loves to sing and dance.I'm gonna teach him the things you've taught me. I wish you were here. I kept showing your picture to him. It warms my heart when he says "lola" everytime he sees your picture.
Mommy, life without you has been really, really difficult. But, dont worry. We won't give up. We've learned it all from you. You taught us how to be strong and to stand up for what we believe in. I know that someday everything will be okay. I know you're always there to guide us. And you'll be the guardian angel of Jaeden.
I love you ma, I love yoy with all my heart. I'll keep all of our memories here in my heart and mind. I'm very proud of you. You are the best mom in the world. Thank you mommy, for everything. For the memories, for the gifts, for the lessons and for the love. Death doesn't bring an end to love right? I could still feel your love here in my heart. And I'll cherish it for the rest of my life.
I love you mommy, I miss you...
Happy Birthday.
Love,
Marit
Unregistered user # Tuesday, February 8, 2011 2:13:36 PM
Marit E.TMarit16 # Tuesday, February 22, 2011 9:16:48 AM