To a good year

Change is supposed to good is it? Why am i always in a state when im driven to make a change! At times i find myself at such an unhappy place because of not being happy at a place, that i don't do it to the best of my abilities. Im not one to give 2nd best, and when im not being challenged in certain areas id rather give up. And it always is the case. I choose to think of it like Samuel from the bible (or is that David) said 'I will not give anything that cost me nothing! And yet the inevitable reoccurs i take the crap that i allow- faced now with retrenchment for the umptiath time am i still question myself. 'How long before i grow up'. How many times do i want to be taught the same lesson, and how many chances do i have to repeat the same mistake? I wonder do we all know where we belong in our hearts+ if we do why do we so often do nothing about it!

Here is to a year filled much.
I can say ive truly enjoyed the until i stoped and counted my blessings. I was cought in hurt grief and all things that comes with lossing a loved one. 24December i lost the one person that meant the world to me, my aunt Jane Janine Andrews. She died of cancer and not until 2weeks before she died did we find out it was cancer. The doctors didnt know what her illness was till then. As she had travelled to diffrent parts of Africa,they thought she had a tropical dissease from one of her missionary trips. She devoted her life to a cause greater than herself, on many occassions she didnt have enough to get through a day i remmember lookin at emty cupboards. From a good paying job at a esteemed university to struggling to make ends meet. I can truly say she gave of herself, there were times people said she was crazy to give up her job,yet she was unwavering in her faith. She could not pass a hungry or hurting person without reaching out to lend a helping hand. That is one of the reasons why i loved her so much. I could not imagine how one so great could go before me as i am quitd a rebel, had been doin crystal meth. for 4 years and after everyone i thought would stand by me didnt she never held my usage against me. Im not saying she let me slip by,oh no, but she always reprimanded me in love. I could go to her with anything that bothered me and she'd just be there. So ofcoz im hurt sad and ingrief! But she always showed me how to be the better person. I still cry because i miss her, and probably always will. When she died i died! I just realized im alive and as hard as it may be to move on my life should be lived, and to the full. So yes im thankful for the year i may not have seen alot of good things happen, but im here to tell a story. In 2007 my sister had a third child after 9 misscariages she is cute i may add. So if that isnt enough to be grateful for then im ungrateful. I look forward to 2008 and its hope and opportunities.

That is why im not realy bothered by material things! 'not completely though' but i try to value those and that which i do have most of the time!
Have a good one in 2008!!!