My life

Sorry, sorry, forgive meeeeee for lack of posts and not responding to your wise comments!!!! My life was quite strange these days. News: 1. I was on the sea side(came few days ago) 2.I fell in love 3.I found job(just at the day I came home from see side ) Feelings: 1.Thoughs become things!!!!!!! 2.Love hurts...especially, if your passion is a copy of you but in addition more chicken-hearted I was not writing because last weeks I was thinking about: "Am I in love or not????" I didn't want to write here that I fell in love before I understand it..because when I write everything...it really can come true! (You remember how I said that I want to fall in love and find a job???? ) I am happy about work, but yesterday(first day) was incredibly hard...I drank a lot of antidepressants after work...I really hope that I will be working there..and I hope that my chiefs will be really pleased with my work.. About love..long story, but few facts: we had a lil crush with this guy nearly 3-4 years ago, I broke up with him because of his chicken-heart:he's so scared to lose me, but he does everything to make it come true(always said:"my friend loves you more(he's best friend of my ex-best friend,yeah boy's friendship..stupid)".."I don't know if I love you..." "You do not love me precisely!"-But everything he says you must understand as contrary words,I have understood it only few days ago, when he was a bit drunk and wanted to tell me about his feelings, he was almost crying...but in the end..when he became more sober, he said: "You love me! I know it!You wouldn't spend time with me now if you are not loving me!" and so on..translation: he was scared to say about his feelings, he was angry and didn't believe that I love him, he wanted to see my reaction on these stupid words. I was laughing.A lot.He became increadibly furious, just turned around and went away, he said just"I hate you!"(haha, he always says it, you already know how to understand it, right? )...Next day he was like shadow...he was saying to his friend(I just caught these words casually):" I want to die!" . ...He makes a million of stupid things everyday, and I am not really sure if I need such stupid crazy guy! Yep, he's crazy about me I like it, but I hate that he's always sooooo...I can't find words!!! BTW, he send me yesterday, in new flash of craziness provoked by my presence/absence in his life, this song: ( he was sending me million of messages like"Jay-Jay Johanson is crazy, his songs make me crazy..I can't control my mind!.." Than he was saying"please come online!" then"faster" and so on than..once again he became frightened by the fact he has shown his feelings: "we are just communicating, you do not mean everything for me"(Haha, I was not responding by the way, so it was a monologue

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I do not know if you gonna understand me right, but I really know what he feels! Maybe I outline not the right words to express it, but...I just now it! He is a Capricorn (as me) and we can read each other thoughts! We were laughing about it, but now...not so funny...Every day I think:" Is he that guy who I wished for now, who will love and see only me, with whom I could laugh,make crazy things and just sit in silence and feel happy? Or it's just my willing to fall in love and he's the man who caught my eye accidentally?" P.S. YEP, THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS, NOW ALL MY THOUGHTS ARE "I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY! I WANNA FEEL HARMONY IN MY SOUL!" P.P.S. I WILL RESPOND ON ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS, JUST GIVE ME PLEASE A LITTLE TIME...I AM A BIT FUSTRATED... LOVE U GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![

I just felt that I want to listen to this song, I think it's so sad, but beautiful

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

By the way, a little note:yesterday in supermarket I saw advertising of one oppositional political party,and there was Rammstein music used! I wanted to kill these dumbs! How can they say about "we will make our country prosper" while infringing copyrights??? They used part of not very popular Rammstein songs not to be caught, oh...such a honest and righteous party! I hated this so much, so I deciced to say Rammstein ( by the way, one of my favorite rock bands! ) about that thing. But!!! These "artful" politicians hadn't submited this video on youtube or somwhere else in internet (othere videos there are! ) So I had no evidence However, later, I decided to listen to this song on youtube, and, you know wat I've seen??? there is written now that I can't watch this video in my country because of the infringement of copyright! I don't know what to do:laugh or cry I really love to watch this video, and especially on youtube, because it is loading faster than any other video site, and now I can't, thanks to these idiots! But, I'm happy that they are punished! (I hope they are , and I hope they are punished very well!!!) What do you think about this stuff? Have you ever seen such things?...

Yeah, wtf? Things become even worst for me now! My friend, who was nearly the only person with whom I could spend a lot of time doing some funny and interesting things become extremely insistent. My best friend is a boy. Actually he is not very satisfied with a role of "best friend", wants more, but as I said in my previous post, I don't feel like doin it,I'm not fall in love! Ok,everything was "so-so" in our relations, we had a great time together,sometimes he was saying some jokes about "our future wedding" and it was okay, until the moment he started to be offended when I said something about "my future wedding will be...(here were a fantastical discription)" and he said( very seriously, by the way!):"No, our wedding will be different!" Then I thought first WTF??? I said him million of times that I don't like him as a boyfriend/man and so on (of course in more polite form!), and now he is saying about "our wedding" so seriously and he is offended when I'm saying "my wedding, not yours!". Is he dumb?
This situation happend few weeks ago, and all following weeks were the same! The final point was when we were planing friend trip on the seaside and he started to talk about "finally, we will be alone, just two of us". I was saying some jokes about it, and trying to take some friends with us...And sometimes it seemed that he has no objections, and feel quite okay being my friend. But finally, in last day before our trip he started to be "more gentle" and was trying to hug me (not as a simple friend), and then I get out of patience and said him all that I think! I was very angry because I felt his intentions, he thought that in other atmosphere I will be more compliant, and has started to prepare the ground! Of course I didn't go with him, and I even not talking with him these days. I find it disgusting, when person tries to look like such a good guy, and then, when he looses his patience tries to press on me! I said him, that "the more you press on me, the less you'll get!"
Now it feels creepy, I knew that our friendship is mostly based on his sympathy to me, but we were talking about million things without... and feeling great, and now it feels like he was communicating with me for only one reason: he planned to became my boyfriend (like a job position promotion:1st stage-friend,2nd-boyfriend).
Actually, this is a second break in our "friendship". I don't really want to talk with him now, but I feel soooo bored, I just love more to spend my time with boys' companies then girls', who is always talking about clothes, guys, scared by any sound, and are running at home at 9PM!

Do you believe that haute couture fashion can be cute? I mean, when you are watching run way shows were models are walking like robots, do you imagine that fashion can be fun?...Well...what I want to show you is not quite a "fashion unit", it is a small animated film with cutest music and characters made by Takashi Murakami- "one of the most thoughtful and thought-provoking Japanese artists of the 1990s"( as was said on the web site, which a tribute to him http://www.takashimurakami.com/) for Louis Vuitton

ENJOY

Sorry, sorry my dear friends for my absence! I write it in a rare free minute, to tell you how much I appreciate your comments here! I will definitely answer to all of you, but unfotrunately I will be able to do it only later , because now I have crazy days in my university where I have to pass final exams and end faster my thesis I write it every day but I see that there is still not enough information, so I remake it again and again
Also, as uaually I cought additional prodlem: I have some eye infection(thanks to my big love for my cats )and it's a bit painfull to look at monitor of my laptop these days My doctor said that this infection needs 1 monht treatment Yay, great And another inconviniece is that I can't use cosmetics Before this ilness I never gone somwhere without make up and I couldn't imagine my self without it But now is almost week since I refused to use it, and, to be honest, I like it I just like myself without mascara and eyeliner in these hot days, when all girls around me are wearing make-up and look...(because of sweat faces) a bit unaesthetic Well, it's necessary to mention that my ilness didn't had negative impact on my eyes look(appearance), except a million of pulled out lashes and eyebrows( for the analysis) Just kidding, BUT , they really pulled out a lot of my lashes! When doctor said "they gonna pull put 1 lash", I thought,ok, I will sustain it, but when they started.....That was so much pain!


Well, don't be worry, I'm almost okay now, just need a little rest and meal
I just wanted to tell you that I'm still alive and interested in communication