My OperaJust some thoughts.
Sunday, August 29, 2010 10:48:23 PM
Once I heard a phrase, something like: “everyone receives that love about which he dreamed”. Well..I think that was in some movie. The girl, who was told so, answered, that she didn't want to be hurt and so on. The answer was "you don't know what you feel/whant unconsciously". Hm...I just recalled that dialogue and thought, maybe I am dreaming subconsciously about suffering??? 
I mean...I love dramas, sad music, beautiful and sad pictures...Maybe it acts like a magnet for my stupid stories??? One of my friends is something like: “want love, want to fall in love, but scared!” . And what do you think she has? Many guys like her and she likes them but they are scared to approach to her! She’s subconsciously scared, really, she is not crazy (she is wonderful!!!), but somewhere inside this fear is hidden.Hm...and what should we do? How to control this hidden desires and fears? I try to change my mind a bit, I try to listen more positive music and so on. But, hey, I can't just do not love something like Mozart's Lacrymosa and Dali's Elephants...
scott cummingI_ArtMan # Sunday, August 29, 2010 11:53:40 PM
you are very beautiful. that beauty puts a pressure on you in life; as if you have to live up to that beauty. the sane approach would be to be thankful for the gift and 'no pressure'. we can't take any credit for how we look, nor is there any blame. but love loves pretty.
now, on a deeper level of understanding, how we are is what is worthy of love... that is a lifetime study. they say marriages are made in heaven.
i have to agree. so the good news all around is that you have nothing to worry about. just be a good judge of human nature and don't choose the wrong man. then you may have a happy marriage.
as mr. shakespeare had said, in "as you like it", "thus, may the outward shows be least themselves. the world is oft deceived by ornament."
Mellow MelloMellowMello # Monday, August 30, 2010 10:09:16 PM
You know, I feel the pressure from my beauty, but this pressure is strange: I try to do not look perfect sometimes just because I hate to attract someone’s attention. I wrote many times lately that I don't like that sort of people which I see everyday, so I try to do not look attractively for them! I know, it sounds strange and stupid...but...I have my own "strange" reasons: I do not like how they act when they like me, my appearance, and I feel like doused in mud,when I see the desire in their eyes (I know, the second reason is really silly, and I try to fight with this stupid idea in my head!).
And..you said that love loves beauty..well..maybe not mine beauty) Hm...too pessimistic, but it's how I feel now)
And I try to do not choose the wrong man, but I do really feel that there is no MY MAN around me...Just the level of people..their culture..you know, a swan can't live in a marsh...and sometimes I feel that here just couldn't be my swan..
I am thinking too much, I know) But I try to live my life and develop myself as I said earlier..I just wait, and wait for God's help to find my way and my man...
P.S. I know which is the best advice for me now: stop thinking about it! Just live your life, do important things, enjoy everyday you live on the Earth and go ahead!
scott cummingI_ArtMan # Monday, August 30, 2010 10:31:28 PM
Originally posted by MellowMello:
right. i see swans cruising on crystal clear lakes.
you're right... just live. don't try to analyse life, because it is a mystery. we are not even meant to divine the depth of meaning life can hold. but we can feel it, sometimes. be happy that we can feel it at all. those are high moments, walking on the grassy hill listening to the wind playing with the trees. this should be enough. and then we die. so what. it is wonderful to have lived.
Mellow MelloMellowMello # Tuesday, August 31, 2010 7:30:36 PM
Originally posted by I_ArtMan:
You are right...I always analyse my life, other's lives and so on...Well..I analyse everything! I think it is a part of my compicated character...But I should better fight this feature because it really makes me melancholic and then I just can't enjoy the real life!
scott cummingI_ArtMan # Wednesday, September 1, 2010 6:41:02 PM
working with the body, or taking some ethnic dance class, working with children. especially helpful is when we try to help others; that takes out minds off ourselves.
Mellow MelloMellowMello # Wednesday, September 22, 2010 8:44:11 PM
Now I feel myself like doing experiments on my self:listen for example sad songs--> fall into depression, then do something for myself or help someone and go with my head in this activity-->I forget about everything! then when I turn back to my sad moods they do not seem to be so dramatically sad...I don't know if I expressed it right but ( I always have a doubts